Yesterday was a trying exasperating day for me. At the end, I was taught once again a truth I have had to learn many times, on many days, in many circumstances. What was it? A proverb if you will, I sometimes lose in the composition of expression and life…
Listen thrice. Think twice. Speak once.
In my usual exuberance for the exchange of ideas and feelings, I failed my wise, old and simple proverb. It was not a time to be a Writer. It was not a time to be a Painter, and neither was it time to be a Maestro. While all three of these arts of human expression are in their own right masterpieces awaiting birth and life, I sometimes (often?) forget they have a hidden twin that requires as much respect.
The Writer needs paper and pen. The Painter needs paint and canvas. The Maestro needs instruments and musicians. Without those tools nothing can be created. Still there is more. To enjoy and pleasure in these performances, there must be an audience. A Silent audience. An audience waiting and willing to be filled, to be changed, to be made more human and alive.
And still, there is more.
How often do these four “artists” come together perfectly for a masterpiece? Why or why not? In these beautiful compositions of human expression, they do not necessarily require me to become an echo, a more lavishing Writer, Painter, or Maestro to drink them, to breathe them, or feel them…despite how hugely tempting the indulgence are for me. I am Bohemian. Moderation is often not our, nor my forte. But she needs her place! She needs her space! I of ALL PEOPLE should know how delicious my deprivation can taste when unsatisfied. It will have its liberation… when the pen and paper, the paint and canvas, the instruments and players, and the quite, motionless audience are just right.
Live Well — Love Much — Learn Always — Listen More Often
(paragraph break)
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The Professor's Convatorium 
🙂
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Ah yes, an audience. Good. Very good. I’m glad you’re here. It means I am…
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…certainly a Writer John!
I am learning to put on several different hats and discerning which is best for when and where. 😉
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In the performance alluded to, the impresario was unspeakably harsh I felt. The audience were invited to applaud only? Never permitted to heckle or express disdain at the performer’s corrupted lines? What kind of audience participation is that? Hardly one of an open kind methinks. A rowdy audience for Richard Burbage at The Globe? The loggionisti baying at La Scala? Shakespeare and Puccini survived it with no fuss. You never took to the stage that night Professor, and that would have been your only transgression had you done so. Someone doth protest too much upon some fragile boards!
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Thank you Hariod. Though I put myself on risky battlefields, I desire to be in the war and your words and presence are a welcome assurance — like a Napoleonic la cavalerie de réserve. It is good to hear/read that I may not be such a bumbling field officer. 😉
Perhaps it was my flowery-plummed hat, my physique upon my great white steed, or my fearless courage (or insanity) under fire? In the fog of war it is sometimes hard to know exactly where the ‘enemy‘ lies or how their tactics work. But it is good to know your advesary, eh? (grins)
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“Perhaps it was my flowery-plumed hat, my physique upon my great white steed, or my fearless courage (or insanity) under fire?”
Methinks it was your bollocks sir.
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Oh SHIT!!! Were they showing!? I will have that damn tailor/seemster SHOT I tell you!!!
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You have me right Professor, though there are two ‘bollocks’. Comprenez-vous Napoleon? One man’s bollocks is another sailorwoman’s steedshit. *taps nose*
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(is now laughing so hard, he has not only LOST his plummed field hat, but busted-off a blouse-button!)
Oh BOLLOCKS! Do you know of another tailor/seemster? My previous one… (loud musket volley empties all fowl in the surrounding trees!)… (and sighs)… umm, didn’t work out.
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We must get you off to
ServileSavile Row and have you fitted out with some breeches sporting expandable gussets. Let me know your inside leg measurement forthwith professor and I shall attend to the necessary arrangements in advance of your arrival. I think we should best request a waterproofing be applied in case of venturing into rough seasa broadabroad – would you not think?LikeLiked by 1 person
(with smile ear to ear and chuckles to boot…)
And you called ME a naughty one!? HAH!
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Are we going down on rough seas together professor?
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Ooooo…what a ‘slippery’ question that is! (grins)
For a proper First Mate, I AM willing today, and honestly tomorrow, the rest of the week, and the weekend… probably next week too…
a full-month’s journey is negotiable…
but TODAY I don my new trousers with gussets, and sing “Don’t Forget Your Old Shipmates“! If that entails going down IN rough seas, I can think of no other adventure worth sailing. (winks)
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Seriously? This exchange is…exactly the fucking problem.
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Madalyn, did you read this exchange and all comments after reading my post back on January 13th or did you come here via the Pingback… i.e. AFTER the reading thru the lens of “Troubled”?
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I read this when I initially commented. I came back through “Troubled”, yes. Whatever you think that means, I guarantee you my reaction would have been the same. Not cool. At all.
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Okay, fair enough. Then I want you to tell me exactly what word, its usage in a phrase was truly “Not cool. At all.” I really want you to break it down and explain to me HOW what I said, strictly in my comments, was blatant and offensive? And to be comprehensively fair I’d like to explain EXACTLY what I was saying and not saying. I think in the spirit of human reconciliation this request is fair.
Thank you in advance Madalyn for your kind assistance. 🙂
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I just read your explanation. Not buying it, professor. Not one bit. Your writing is nearly always laced with innuendo and/or outright sexual reference, but you expect everyone to believe that it wasn’t intended this time–that in this one EXTREMELY inappropriate instance you were speaking strictly of naval terms. Do you really think us all that naive?
You talk about wanting constructive, polite conversation to make you a better feminist ally, but the only time I see you engaged is when you’re bickering about it. Is there another blog where you are learning about feminism in a way that is working for you? If so, please link; I’d love to see that approach. As far as I can tell, you’re not so much interested in learning about feminism as you are interested in sparring over it.
I’ve always believed that you meant well, professor. I’m not sure I think that anymore. Your actions are speaking louder than your words.
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I’m very disappointed in this response Madalyn. Sorry. Being very honest. I have had several female opinions on this matter — females that know me live in-person — and not one of them agrees with you or Clouds/Roughseas. I will not relay their opinions verbatim here because I don’t feel they would be conducive for civil discussion and reconciliation given the obvious volitility reached. But as I asked in my other reply to you, let’s examine language and if possible the intangible motives/intention behind words you and Clouds/Roughseas are accusing, please…
Though my blog-site also includes topics of relationships, love, romance, eroticism, and the Dark Arts of SSC BDSM — I do not hide this fact and anyone who wishes to engage in those intimate sometimes unconventional dynamics of sexual engagement — I do not smash those subjects in anyone’s face; those specific posts are Password Protected for obvious age appropriate viewers/readers. Are you referring to those innuendos or do you have other instances to show me? Please do so. I truly want to know them. Thank you.
If you are referring to the few instances on Clouds/Roughseas (Feminism) blog-posts, you are correct. She and I have an obviously different usage of language aside from the lack of common courtesy in words-used, as Hariod (an Editor with Zygal Publishing) correctly pointed out 2 or 3 times to her. As I’ve also stated in those specific (versus those to which you are referring here) written engagements — later commments lacking polite, respectful dialogue included — the “bickering” is with ONE person, and one person only. In complete seriousness, how is that an objective lens on this matter?
Yes I do. I have two I can list for you with their links:
1. Out From Under the Umbrella — https://gulliblestravelsdma.wordpress.com/
2. BINARYTHIS — http://binarythis.com/
If blogs are insufficient, or these two are insufficient, then I also read/follow these two websites…
1. XY Online — http://www.xyonline.net/ A fantastic page I started with several months ago was… “Feminism 101: Helpful Hints for Dudes”; the link to that page: http://www.xyonline.net/content/feminism-101-helpful-hints-dudes
2. The Guys Guide to Feminism — http://guysguidetofeminism.com/
If those four links are insufficient for you, then as I’ve told Clouds/Roughseas, about 2-3 weeks ago I purchased Bell Hook’s book “Feminism Is For Everybody: Passionate Politics.” I am currently one-third of the way through it.
Very sorry you feel that way Madalyn, truly. I must ask (with sincere politeness) what specific “sparring” instances are you referring to… other than of course with the one person in question? I have had one ‘run-in’ with VictoriaNeuroNotes last year or year before and she was absolutely stellar in handling my confessed offense. I love reading or listening to her on this touchy subject of Feminism/Sexism. Ruth (at Out From Under the Umbrella) also has stellar language and approach on these same subjects. I love reading/listening to her equally as well; she too has appropriately corrected me once or twice.
Again, I am very disappointed you feel that way Madalyn. Nothing has changed with my determination to see all of this through to its end. I think this initial displeasure you have is quite premature and so far as I see it… undeserved.
Also, you should know or be aware of… there are some private off-blog dynamics and truer intentions and desires that are not being shared in all of this. But in honoring a person’s specific request not to divulge these activities, words, etc, for obvious “public image” reasons, I have kept them confidential. And I guarantee you Madalyn, whatever your immediate thought of what//who that might be, will indeed be wrong.
Nevertheless, as you told Vance/Toad in ya’lls “disagreement” — where I completely empathize with him — I too hope this misunderstanding DOES NOT get in the way of everything else you and our WordPress circle have, can, and will accomplish. ❤
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“As for the threesome with PT and HB, OK, I’m up for it.” – the complainee, last month on another blog Madalyn.
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Hariod, I’m placing an explanation — MY explanation — of my words/comment down below.
Good luck Sir. 😉
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Yeah, I saw that. I was tagged in that post as well.
Do you really not get the difference, Hariod? Really?
There is a line between repartee and objectification. You two crossed it. Big time.
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I respectfully disagree Madalyn and if all truth be told, at least 5 of my close female friends — who know me well in person for many years — also disagree with you and Clouds/Roughseas AND how she treated me. I am saddened that this is really moving away from Feminism/Sexism and more to just a personal vendetta by one person. 😦
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Professor, I’m not talking about your protected posts and you know it. It is the comments. Other than my blog, I see you mostly at Ruth’s, Victoria’s, and Kate’s. You usually give me and Ruth a few words or sentences, but rarely go more into the content. On occasion your comments are innuendo with me, but I’ve seen it too many times to count in your interactions with Kate and Victoria. Sexual language and innuendo in and of itself is not bad, of course. Still, you crossed a line. If you are seriously going to sit here and pretend that your comments were not meant to be sexual at all, then I’m not sure this conversation can continue, because I do not believe that claim to be genuine at all.
Two of the four sites you linked to don’t seem to have active comments, so I have no way of knowing how you react to those. On Binary, your responses seem to match what you do on mine and Ruth’s. In other words, you agree and compliment without really asking questions or engaging in more conversation. You’ve been completely condescending and dismissive of Kate’s style, but you cannot deny that she gets you to talk and engage. Whether or not you’ve been taking in the ideas contained in those exchanges is hard to determine.
I do not know the women you know, professor. I do not know how you act in person. I do know that I have told men (in person and online) that they aren’t making me uncomfortable even when they are. Not just random men, friends and family members. Why? Because I have been shot down and insulted too many times not to be trigger-shy on that conversation. I don’t know the context or content of your conversations with women that tell you that you’re a-okay in their books, but if you are repeatedly having that conversation then perhaps that should tell you something.
There are a lot of things that I like about you and that give me hope. Yet, I am increasingly losing that hope. Come off the defensive, professor. It isn’t just Kate calling you out. There is something you aren’t hearing.
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As this very posts tells, there is a time to speak/write. There is a time to listen/digest, understand and be silent. I’m sorry you take my latter actions/wordlessness as insignificant or unproveable or dismissive. Wow. I should be slightly offended by that implication, but I’m going to let it slide because you do not fully know me as well as Victoria, or any of my live in-person friends. I do not have “repeated” conversations as you imply, this has only started with one person. Victoria and I resolved everything beautifully once before. That is my standard Madalyn and many others I could recite but you apparently will also dismiss.
Yes, I agree. This line of discussion is reaching its necessary end, sadly. I think this lack of real hearing/understanding by a select group between humans is indeed reaching unnecessary and not benefitting anyone, again sadly. This truly disappoints me and honestly hurts because of that “hope in me” you speak about. Nevertheless, you should be honest to yourself Madalyn and do and say what you alone feel is right. I encourage you to do that… as that is what I do as well and let all the cards fall where they may.
Nevertheless, my blog, my email, and my Facebook are still open to you. I see no reasons at the moment for any ‘closings’. 🙂 ❤
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I’m not sure what implication you are taking. I meant exactly what I said: you do not do much engaging unless you are disagreeing.
The “repeat” conversations was in response to you saying that you have “at least 5” close female friends that disagree with me. I’m curious, have you actually shown those women these interactions?
What is your standard? I’m not dismissing it, I simply don’t know what you are referring to.
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Yes. There is no way they could gain proper context without reading them. I gave them all an exact URL here. One said that this will be a no-winners conclusion because you [Professor] have already been ‘sentenced’ before due process and the fact that you are disagreeing in the exchange of language-mechanics not Feminism, you will not be heard. Sadly because you are male too.
The way, the language, the courtesies, extended to me by Victoria and Ruth in our/my offense many months ago or year ago. Their grace in showing me my wrong was exemplary and treated me like a human, albeit an imperfect human. That is the standard — on this specific issue — to which I hold dear. I applaud, respect and admire their patience, fortitude, and language to me a lot and any man who struggles with this.
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I find fault with your friend’s assessment. This is about far more than language-mechanics. There is a history beyond the comment section of this one post. It isn’t about your gender, it is about the way you react to feminist writings.
I think you have been shown exemplary patience by a number of people, professor. Where grace is concerned, you have given just as good as you have gotten. We’re all imperfect humans. The trick is to stop making the same mistakes. My frustration comes from the fact that you seem to be moving backwards.
I am not here to ‘win’, professor. I am here because I have come to think of you as a friend and I tell my friends when I think they’ve done something wrong.
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That comment-reply Madalyn I deeply appreciate. Yes, I am the same way with my dear friends: I want them to be brutally honest to me. I am with them as well. You are spot-on correct about “grace gotten, grace given”… THAT is true equality. However, do you not agree that there are tactful (yes firm) methods and language of doing it? And if I have made a grave mistake Madalyn, I do not want to give a superficial apology. I want to truly mean it. And I’m very sorry that I’m not there at this very moment. What I DO NEED is good people that talk with courteous tact and mutual respect. Victoria is my standard. Am I being heard in that way as much as I’m being demanded to listen and change????
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I think your policing of language and talk of grace and tact is nothing more than respectability politics, honestly.
If it hadn’t been for all of the italic parts of your comments (grins, foot stomping, etc), I’d be more likely to believe your claim that your intention/analogy was clean. I still do not believe you. I’ll admit that I am not sure anything you say will change my mind. My opinion is based on the sum total of all of my experiences with you. Perhaps I and others have misread you countless times, but if that is the case then it is you that needs to retool your language skills.
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I’m disappointed Madalyn you feel that way. Those are some sweeping, general, claims you stated — which in my knowledge of the 3 or 4 blogs we both find ourselves following, engaging, discussing upon — you have yet to list any precise specific language, remarks, innuendos, etc, I had with bloggers. Again, if we can’t talk specifics about this point you are attempting to make… then we are sadly wasting each other’s time.
Regarding your present impression of me there is very little that could change when “the sum total of all of my [your] experiences with you [me]” represents what exactly? I wouldn’t demand that sort of thing from you Madalyn for the simple reason that I/we honestly don’t know each other outside of blogging or extremely infrequent insignificant Facebook “Likes” or brief formal FB comments — granted FB is a sort of platform not conducive to meaningful human interaction.
VictoriaNeuroNotes and I have vested interests in each other. By comparison, VNN and I have spent much time talking on the phone, texting, emailing, and dialoguing in civil (fun?) ways… giving both mutual respect and grace. There is much value in our friendship. When she feels necessary to confront me — as she is currently doing on said other blog — she still uses common courteous language and a knowledgeable background with/of me because SHE has chosen to invest that time. There are others in this ‘little blog circle’ who have extended the same effort. So I must say Madalyn, I honestly do not follow your justification for your impression of me, nor having earned the right to say…
…unless you point out precise quoting specifics.
However, in all fairness Madalyn, you are an understandably busy mother, wife, and writer/blogger, and probably have a busy social-life with friends too. Hence, you may not have the time to invest in a blogging or Facebook friendship or proving these “sum total experiences” as say a single-person, single-woman might have. In that light I don’t fault you for these mistaken sweeping, general, claims that are forming your ‘final’ impression of me. I do know how busy your life probably is… I’ve been a stay-at-home Dad myself for a year-and-a-half. I get it. No fault there either. 🙂
Because of constant time constraints on everyone to either really know or not know someone, all of us prioritize, choosing who, when, how we will give our valuable time. No faults in good time management either. Therefore, if you feel your ‘final impression’ of me is truly that way, so be it. It saddens me, I feel it is not (entirely?) accurate, but everyone has the right to regard-disregard, value-devalue, invest-divest based upon what they perceive regardless of their efforts or lack of. That’s human nature.
Warm best wishes Madalyn. ❤
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That isn’t my final impression. It is my current one. I’ll stick around, professor, but there are only so many times I can tolerate the football being yanked out from under me. You dehumanized Kate. I hope you come to recognize that at some point.
If you feel that Victoria has the right attitude and knowledge to speak with you on this subject, great. Speak with her. She is making excellent points. I hope her efforts actually have an effect on you.
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Thank you Madalyn. I hope you also give equal consideration to my POV with Victoria. Fair? Yes, she does make some valid points often if not mostly. 🙂
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Hi Professor,
thought I’d drop by, say hello and thank you 🙂
Ahh… Listening, the path of wisdom and an art of self-control; it’s amazing what one can learn – about others, and more importantly, about themselves – just by listening. I’m very thankful to have listened to you, otherwise a profundity that I’ve mostly been giving mental-assent to would have taken longer to fully fall into my heart. [As you know, head knowledge is one thing… heart knowledge is quite another.]
One day perhaps, I’ll be better able to articulate how much the above quote [from another witness: you- no less 🙂 ] has confirmed some lessons I’ve been asking to be taught.
I’ve profoundly thanked Him, and I wanted to thank you as well.
The very best to you,
Shalom
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Hello theancients.
Very nice of you to stop by. By this, you have demonstrated more of what I was conveying in my comment you’ve quoted. Thank you for that and you are welcome here, anytime. 🙂
If I may personally expound a bit more on the ‘message’ of my quote…
by being received as I was on ColorStorm’s blog-site, the invitations and stated conditions of visiting there gave the quick impression that if a Visitor does not fall inline with his world-view or his language, his quick response was one implying we/Visitors/non-Believers are unequivocally judged God-haters/Devil-lovers, whether intended or not. I suspect I am not the first to speak about it either. So I asked, is that how Saul would have done it? On simply human terms, not lofty heavenly God-verbage terms, but with us “sinners, rejects, and lepers” is that necessary? Where in that implied message of CS is his/your God’s compassion, love, and overly burning desire for reconciliation? You can imagine — and I read many of the responses he had received — the peace that embodies Yeshua and the Father and their teachings (not surpisingly) are few and far on his blog, if at all. I couldn’t stomach much after 15-20 minutes of reading. I believe CS’s cyber-persona of John the Baptist illicits the WRONG response. Let God (or in proper theology, let the “Holy Spirit”) do its work and much much less of self! More “faith” in his God’s power and much less extrapolated Scripture verses would be in order.
As you alluded to theancients, THAT is more “heart” knowledge and living and less “head” stuff or brimstone/fire. But that’s my own humble sometimes flawed opinion. 😉
If you are meaning “lessons [you’ve] been asking to be taught” in the churches and seminaries, I whole-heartedly concur. And in that needed change, I wish you success and a newly discovered depth of peace, compassion, empathy, and LOVE of this world and all who inhabit it. Not fear it. I don’t think fear, or suspicion, disdain, or paranoia(?) toward unbelievers are really part of God’s/Yeshua’s ultimate mission statement.
Thank you again Sir for stopping by. ❤
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Hello Professor,
I apologize for the delay in responding. I actually agree with everything you’ve said 😛
I just read what I thought was a great post today titled “The Biggest Fool”… and the author basically was making the point I’ve been agreeing with you on but in different terms – ‘who is the bigger fool, the one who doesn’t believe there is a God, or the one who knows there is a God but live as though there is none.”
I know the term “fool” gets everyone’s nostrils to flare… but see it for what it is…
When Jesus went to Simon’s house, He was treated with pure disregard… this disrespectful ill-treatment of a guest was seen by the woman who was there, who did her best to make the Lord feel welcome in such a hostile environment. Jesus proceeded to admonish Simon in his own home, in front of his guests… all the while looking at the woman while He spoke [ I can imagine, the gentle yet pointed & strong rebuke ].
Selfishly, I was speaking about lessons I’ve been asking God to teach me. I do realize and agree that these lessons need to be taught in churches, seminaries & homes as well… it’s only then our lives will truly be a witness to others of His goodness.
“You shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me…” He did not say, “You shall *do* witnessing,” but “You shall *be* witnesses”. In other words, our very person will be a witness to Him!”
We have to start listening to each other, even if we do not agree. Simon Peter cut off Malchus’ ear with a sword… Jesus’ last recorded healing was restoring Malchus’ hearing… one of the lessons for us, as is clearly observed even in just the blogosphere is that we cut each other’s ear off and hence all hearing when we bring our respective “swords” into play.
In any event, as I like to say, this is a purification process… the refining is done through *process* meaning it will take time to remove all the impurities from our lives.
Best wishes & a great weekend.
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I believe our conversation here has left the simple boundaries and purpose of this post. Therefore, I’ll make a quick reply to your last reply, and if we feel it necessary to continue this line of discussion, then let’s carry it to private email. If you wish to reply to this comment-reply here, you are welcome to contact me via my “Contact Me” page at the top of the blog. 🙂
“…remove all the impurities from our lives.” What does that entail exactly? Why are there impurities rather than natural purities? Where did the “impurities” come from assuming they are really there?
So… if your heart (or should I say if the Holy Spirit?) moves you, you are welcome to contact me privately. Thank you again theancients for your humble willingness to treat me as an equal; at least in words online sir. 😉
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I can’t wait to see what happens when the quiet, motionless audience is just right!
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Hah! Lucky, I think another question to yours is… will the audience EVER be just right? Should it? (chuckles) 😉
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That IS a good question! I’m not sure that it (the audience) ever will be just right. I have yet to feel that even the audience in my own head is just right! 😀
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Hah! This quote will demonstrate how I TOTALLY know what you are saying about our cranial auditoriums! 😛
Lucky, would you like to audition for my psychoanalyst position? The previous five haven’t worked out. 😀
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Pingback: Troubled | Clouds moving in
One definition of allusion, out of two or three possibilities follows:
“The practice of making allusions, especially as an artistic device.”
Due to the clear misinterpretation of an already apriori liberal artistic device, it seems I should clarify precisely what I meant on Jan. 13th in my exchange with Hariod.
When the dialogue-comments went in the direction of naval ships on sometimes choppy, stormy seas, and there was a possible SECOND interpretation and play on words, I pointed out how “slippery” a question it was to answer, especially stating “going down ON rough seas“. Therefore, my response was strictly keeping in naval contexts, avoiding ‘going down ON’ and stating that — like in thousands of historical naval losses in storms — that quite literally can happen when sailors, captains, and their vessels put to sea in possible horrible conditions. Later during the journey, there is ALWAYS the chance they can “go down in rough seas”, stormy seas, and lose their lives and all souls onboard. Is this not true?
On my father’s grave, I assure EVERYONE… this was the ONLY allusion/meaning I put to my comment, and any truly sexual references otherwise were not or are not mine. And that’s the reason (and still is) why I have not taken any comments down or deleted them.
With all this said, I will however, do so should the ‘Owner(s)’ request it/they be removed. We are ALL responsible for what we say, do, and ‘Publish’ on the internet, especially me on my blog.
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I’ve just went back through your exchange with Hariod. I have tried to give you the benefit of the doubt.
What I saw? A Texan man. A familiar one. One I have met many times in many faces. I think Victoria’s comments are even more insightful than I initially realized. If I ignore how I have seen you comment in the past, I can almost believe that you were trying to defuse the situation…but you were doing it in that Texan man way that I recognize. Most of the men I know are Texan, I’m not deriding that, but there is a paternalistic, boys’ club taint to your replies that is all too familiar to me. If this is your attempt to deescalate a situation, then your bomb skills need serious work.
I still find it difficult to believe you fully because your replies on Kate’s blog seem to indicate that you understood that there were other ways to interpret what you said. If you recognized that potential, why not find better words? That’s a lesson I hope you would have learned by now, along with the content of the talk Victoria linked to.
I want to get to the details, professor. You talk like feminism give you whiplash. If you are truly confused, why not just outright ask? There are those willing to answer. Your questions are usually reserved for Kate. You engage there and yet say that kind of engagement doesn’t suit you. You can’t blame everyone else for misunderstanding why you are pulling the trigger on your own foot.
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Madalyn,
You’ve said a lot, and there are a number of your points that I could address with you in the spirit of ‘getting to the details’… the nuts-n-bolts. I truly appreciate that Madalyn! I recognize and acknowledge your effort there. Did you have to come back and do it? No, probably not. But you have. Thank you. 🙂
Throughout the night — well, honestly all day & night because I was truly getting sick & distraut how this has all gone so poorly — once again I took a long microscopic examination of myself and my words/exchange… AND what I didn’t say.
You might be well onto something about our/my male Texan-culture. Of course, it runs deep in our family, our social-life here, and I can’t argue your point there. It is valid. Period. That is true for anyone’s culture. Honestly though Madalyn, that really shouldn’t be an excuse for what I say or don’t say. I am more than just a Texan — I loathe national or state borders anyway. Despite my lifetime environment, I MUST improve my engagement and discernment when it comes to Sexism and Feminism! I wish it could happen overnight! But that’s not realistic is it?
So… here is where I am truly at today.
Because Hariod is not even American, he truly doesn’t know the FULL picture between RS/K and myself except for what he reads over there. He still made his kind (and I feel entirely justified) assessment of the public “scornment” (cesspool?) taking place there. Therefore, on Jan. 13th I thought my own ‘shots across the bow’ were correct in degree according to our word-play and allusions. I’m now recognizing that for the sake of Feminism/Sexism, that wasn’t enough. VictoriaNN was correctly trying to make me VIEW RS/K’s ‘honor’ as my own daughter’s. I see that. But here is where that analogy falls way short… my daughter doesn’t speak anywhere CLOSE to how peppered and ‘straightforward'(?) as an adult woman as she does and who CLEARLY can standup for herself and quite honestly would likely scream she needs NO MAN to do anything for her. LOL
Honestly, that is always something I’ve admired about RS/K. Still do.
Here is where I recognize my fault/mistake: I must be more acutely aware of sexist or hint-of-sexism remarks for the sake of all women. That certainly includes my daughter or any woman who feels she cannot defend herself against sexist behavior or language. I’ve done it before Madalyn, here in Texas and throughout the South, but here it was much more blatant, crude, and highly inappropriate. Now I recognize it has other more subtle guises as well that I must learn to recognize (immediately!) and take action. In that regard, I fucked up. Yes. I did.
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Professor, I do not see it as that you “fucked up”. You kept with your usual sense of humor. Hindsight is indeed 20-20. Knowing that you replied in nautical language now offended, you’re better geared to think twice about a response. However, I want to point out to those “select few” that continue to criticize you that you did not initiate that comment! Good Grief people. Let. It. Go. Lesson has been learned and it is fucking time to move on… that horse is long dead!
Professor, I along with many others, all inclusive with those who, like myself, know you in the flesh, and those who know you from your writing, are happy you are the way you are. You do accept constructive criticism and you do listen and learn. There is quite a difference between constructive criticism and the down right vehemence thrown upon you. Please keep up your writing, your great works because there are too many of us who appreciate you and your efforts.
Stay Calm and Blog On! 🙂 I will always have your back!
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Thank you again for your encouraging comments Lonestar. It’s pretty funny… you have just ‘repeated’ what three other female-friends have told me. Not that that is a global consensus, but nonetheless valid because all of you know me extremely well. 🙂 ❤
I will indeed continue my education — both live and academically — on Feminism vs. Sexism, etc, as I have been. Some changes don't happen overnight or in a few hours, right? LOL
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Every time I read the exchange I seem to change my mind. Alas, I still don’t fully believe your good intentions. Perhaps you come off differently in person and that would give me the information I need one way or the other. I’m not asking you to continue explaining yourself, just giving you my honest thoughts.
I recognize your behavior as that of Texan male, but I don’t think it is unique to Texans (or maybe even men).
Kate isn’t American either, remember. I don’t understand you banning her. I won’t tell you what to do with your blog or email, but I hope your ban does not mean that you have disregarded the many important concepts she has tried to share with you and others.
Thanks for continuing to engage. It is more than what Hariod has done and I appreciate it. I don’t know that this has any possible resolution, but I hope it does make us all better in the future.
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Now see… this makes me want to put aside any unnecessary pride, spitefulness, or knee-jerk emotional reactions and simply sit down with you Madalyn and talk. Talk like you were one of my tutors on this subject I am obviously not adept well enough to speak publically at rallies or marches in front of the state capitol. I only deserve a sign; hopefully not a tiny cardboard sign at an intersection. 😉 I have confessed my ineptness a few different times, more so privately and one-on-one. As some in our WordPress circle have so eloquently put it, ‘there are many ways to arrive at the same destination.‘ I would love it Madalyn if that included both of us.
Thank you for your continued efforts with me. I assure you… you may have to forgive me a few more times; hopefully the trend is downward. 🙂
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I’ve been sitting here for 13 minutes (by WordPress’ count, trying to figure out how not to make this one step forward, one steps back.
I don’t think you meant to, professor, but can you see how the way that you opened your comment comes off as a pat on the head, telling me I’m a good girl for finally using a tone you like?
I don’t think you meant it to come off as paternalistic, but there it is. I’m not trying to harangue you. I’m trying to be honest in telling you my perception. Our mutual goal is to better our understanding and I think we have to be honest with one another if that is to happen.
You don’t deserve a cardboard sign at an intersection. I hope you’ll take up a picket sign. I’d love to have you in the fight. I think you already are in some ways. One step at a time we will change ourselves and the world around us.
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No, no, no! I did not mean it that way. That image never crossed my mind in the slightest! 😮 I was totally complimenting your approach with me!
I remember my Dad — he was ex-USMC and his standards could never be reached, let alone matched — had the Drill Sargeant in your face approach when I messed up (and it was often) until I reached my last two years of high school. Then when I went into my collegiate soccer career (national success in front of huge crowds) then my pro and semi-pro career with bigger more vocally abusive fans, I built up a complete tolerance to verbal abuses like my Dad’s, the opposing collegiate fans, then the even worse fans in Europe, West Africa, and Brazil. I have totally realized these last several years, especially today, I have an automatic switch-off of anything resembling that level of _______. Call it what you will. In my head it has the same effect every single time. I have only realized this in the last 5-6 years Madalyn.
Yes, honesty about thoughts, feelings, perceptions all must be expressed, however, expressed in mutual awareness, tact, and patience. I assure you MMJ, my heart is in the right place but I can’t do this perfectly overnight, hell… not even in 3-6 months most likely.
Indeed! You sound like Mohandas Gandhi. 😉
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Let us keep walking, then.
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A brief intermission to celebrate words and music
Dylan Thomas, 1914 – 1953
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
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THAT my Friend was very apropos! Thank you Sir JZ. 🙂
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THAT my Friend was very apropos! Thank you Sir JZ. 🙂
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