On Non-Monogamy

This collection is always growing…

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openlove101-logoOpenlove101.com — John & Jackie Melfi inform, educate and provide conversation for anyone interested in a more open relationship with their partner. To further foster a community of open minded, sexually motivated adults who want to experiment in love and sex. What some people say about the Melfi’s and Openlove101.com:

“It’s hard to put into words what the Melfi’s have done for our marriage. It’s not just the improvement in our sex lives that made the impact, it was the communication and shared vulnerability that not only helped our marriage, but freed us to be more confident and open with each other.”Damian and Racquelle Smith

“Thanks for spending time with us the other night. Watching your video series on ‘How To Have a Threesome’ and then sharing your experiences with me afterwards really helped me sort through the mixed feelings I was having. It has started some great communication between Tom and I. We are looking forward to fulfilling some of our fantasies thanks to you and John!”Cindy M.

Swingers’ Lifestyle: The Questions You Are Afraid to Ask (2017). From Amazon.com:

Swingers-LIfestyle_MelfiThis Q&A is like nothing you have ever seen before. A subject that is treated as “taboo” in public discourse is laid bare in Swinger’s Lifestyle. Everything you have heard and thought about swinging will be questioned as you read author Jackie Melfi’s unapologetic and downright honest accounts of her swinging experiences in her reader responses. Her sincerity is refreshing and her viewpoint is straight from the heart. Melfi puts careful consideration into each reader question. Her answers, advice and responses provide her readers with new insights, and her words emanate genuine warmth and concern, which is undoubtedly why her readers trust her with their most intimate secrets, passions and fears. You will find yourself wanting to know more about the swinging lifestyle and about the author herself. Even if you are not part of the swinging community, you will find that Jackie’s answers and commentary traverse all relationship models and at their core, apply to any relationship.

The New Rules of Sex: A revolutionary 21st-century approach to sexuality, relationships, and love (2014). From Amazon.com:

It’s time for a sexual reeducation. The old paradigm of sexuality and relationships is no longer meeting the needs of the growing number of single people looking for love. Men and women are investing millions of dollars in the burgeoning industry of love coaches and dating advice, trying desperately to keep the old model alive in a world with very different values. Dating to marry and have children, or even to have sex within the context of a monogamous relationship, is no longer resonating with the modern world. It is time to explore something new in our sexual relationships. It is time for some new rules for sex.

The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Adventures (2009). A favorite of mine! Elizabeth Bachner, of Bookslut.com, writes:

[Authors Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton] want me to operate [non-monogamy] from a place of abundance, as if there’s more than enough sex, love, fulfillment, and fun to go around, instead of from a “starvation economy.” And, starvation is definitely the place I’ve been operating from! I can’t imagine one person I am attracted to wanting to make out with me, let alone finding a delightful abundance of beautiful connections with lots of exciting people. Not to worry. “Sometimes, you just have to try it and see.” Janet and Dossie go on to talk about developing “slut skills” like emotional honesty, limit setting, creating boundaries, and making thoughtful, conscious choices. There are sections on opening existing relationships, keeping sex safe, flirting and cruising, handling conflict, making agreements, healthy breakups, “clean” sex, childrearing in open relationships, and handling jealousy.

The Myth of Monogamy:  Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People (2002). 

“In this book, authors Lipton and Barash take a look at mating patterns throughout the animal kingdom (though they seem to spend more time on behavior in birds than on other animals). The conclusions they draw can be anticipated from the title — that monogamy is not natural, at least based on biological, physiological, anthropological, and other evidence, and in fact is not as widely practiced as once thought. However, this is not to say, as some reviewers seem to think, that they believe that monogamy is thereby unnatural. In fact, in one place they say, “…even if human beings were more rigidly controlled by their biology, it would be absurd to claim that monogamy is unnatural or abnormal, especially since it was doubtless the way most people lived…” And later on, they affirm that “human inclinations may be able to fit whatever matrimonial pattern happens to exist in the society they happen to experience.” But monogamy does go against the grain of human nature, according to the authors, and so you have to work at it.”

Sex at Dawn:  How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships (2011). Review by O.M. Grey at Caught in the Cogs:

Sex at Dawn takes the reader through a historical and anthropological journey of human sexuality, exploring why we feel the way we feel and how society and religions force us to go against our most basic instincts. The authors show readers a different way to live and offer what is quite possibly the recipe for long-lasting, happy, fulfilling relationships. As a biological case for non-monogamy that simply cannot be argued, this book should be required reading for every adult in a relationship.”

Sex at Dawn challenges conventional wisdom about sex in a big way. By examining the prehistoric origins of human sexual behavior the authors are able to expose the fallacies and weaknesses of standard theories proposed by most experts. This is a provocative, entertaining, and pioneering book. I learned a lot from it and recommend it highly.” — Andrew Weil, M.D.

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