Of Questionable Parenting

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While searching strenuously in Mom’s chaotic (Alzheimer’s) bedroom and study-desk and boxes of files everywhere for the 2007 Toyota Avalon maintenance file/history of receipts, etc., I came across nine pages of a correctional driver’s test for motor vehicle offenders. Who was the offender? None other than my own Mom. Yes, “Say it isn’t so Nellie!” 😧

My Mom apparently was a modern, yet tamer, Bonnie without—or maybe with—some unknown “Clyde.” My draw dropped as I read this traffic offender’s 9-page test for my own flesh and blood: Mom. Should I read on? Should I not? What to do.

I browsed. I read page one, then two, and three and so on until I reached the end of the Offender’s Reprogramming Test. Mom!? She needed reprogramming for the safety of the general public!? “Say it isn’t so Nellie!” Not my own Mom! No way!

Now I knew of two different traffic citations issued to her between 2015 and 2019 when she was still driving with a license. But I am quite unsure if there were more than two pullover citations during those two or five years when she drove a lot. Reading this Traffic Offender’s Reprogramming Test after a 1 or 2 week classroom course, I was perplexed by many of the multiple-choice questions. Of the two, maybe three, traffic courses I ever took in my 43+ year driving lifetime, never was I tested with THESE sort of questions! I was stunned, flabbergasted by the direct questions and what they implied about the traffic offender… my own Mom! “Say it isn’t so Nellie!” Or rather Bonnie Parker!

For instance, Section II, question #2:
What are the five leading causes of motor vehicle CRASHES in Texas as identified by the Dept. of Traffic Safety?:

  1. Excessive alcohol and/or drug use
  2. Unsafe high speeds (or well under the speed limit)
  3. Flagrant disregard for stop signs or go signals
  4. Failure to yield the right of way to other motorists
  5. Following too close (tailgating) or up their arse

Or Section II, question #3:
What are the two leading causes of traffic FATALITIES in Texas?:

  1. Excessive alcohol and drugs
  2. Attitudes, emotions, aggressiveness, drowsy driver, and bad driver habits

Or Section III, question #4:
What factors demonstrate the lack of knowledge and understanding of traffic laws and proper procedures?

  1. License plates on both the front and rear of vehicle
  2. No one under the age of 18-yrs in Texas can ride in the rear bed of a pickup truck, except for unsecured house pets.
  3. The proper or improper speed limit inside a flashing school zone
  4. At night with oncoming traffic on a two-lane or four-lane remote highway or inside city limits, high-beam headlights are recommended or not recommended?
  5. All of the above

Or Section IV, question #1:
Describe proper passing procedures on Texas highways when…

  1. Passing in the left lane
  2. Passing on the right on a multi-lane road or highway if the car in front is slowed or stopped to turn left
  3. Passing a slower vehicle (below speed limit) in the left lane when signs everywhere indicate “Slower Traffic Keep Right”
  4. Giving courteous signals to other drivers so they know your intentions

And then Section X, questions #1–#5, but specifically #4:

  1. Psychological factors of unsafe driving:
    • Attention span
    • Short-term memory
    • Unstable emotions
    • Overly aggressive behavior
    • Intolerance and impatience

And finally, Section XI, questions 1 thru 4:
Proper legal carrying of firearms inside a moving vehicle

  1. When stopped by law-enforcement on roads or highways, if you carry a concealed weapon or weapons, show the legal permit(s) first, not the weapon(s)… Bonnie Parker. 😉

∼ ∼ ∼ § ∼ ∼ ∼

What was more shocking for me was that today Mom confessed two more things to me about her two (maybe 3-4?) Texas Traffic Offender’s Reprogramming Courses.

One, her parents named their very first child Bonnie. She died 2-4 months old as Bonnie Bonnet (or Bonet in French). Mom explained to me that her father Felix Bonnet was “fascinated” with Bonnie and Clyde. Riiiiiight. 🤔

Two, my maternal grandparents were also (apparently, at least in public) very Pentecostal faith-goers from a very long line of Waldensians! WHAT!? Hang on a minute! I had to completely readjust my initial maternal parent and grandparents. Was my world based upon falsehoods? Based on lots of little “white lies”? Oh the locked up family secrets in buried locations and inside sealed, boarded “closets.” What’s a man like me supposed to think about my family heritage? 😕😄

P.S. A smidge of slight embellishment may or may not have been utilized in this family story.

Live Well – Love Much – Laugh Often – Learn Always

The Professor’s Convatorium © 2023 by Professor Taboo is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0 

33 thoughts on “Of Questionable Parenting”

  1. Your family heritage only goes so far. It gives you a starting point in life. How you move on from that start is up to you.
    I do not expect you will start carrying a gun, or robbing banks.
    Peace, my friend.

    Liked by 2 people

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    • But rawgod!!! It might be steeped in my blood, my DNA, my pathology, in my ‘ugly head‘ just waiting to rear up! I could be… I just might be…

      INN-EVAH-TA-BLE!!! I may not be able to control it when I drive by banks or, or see guns/weapons which turn me into… into…

      “Say it isn’t so Nellie and Bonnie!!!“…

      an… an ugly, repulsive VILLAIN! 😯😬😉

      After all, I AM an 8th-generation Texan. hehe

      Liked by 1 person

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      • Ha. I doubt it. My sperm donor used his fists daily on someone. I am a pacifist. Times change.
        I know you’re just trying to be funny, which I appreciate. I’m just not in a funny mood todsy. Maybe tomorrow!

        Liked by 3 people

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  3. Wow, Prof!!! Quite a lot to digest there … and it makes me wonder, as I’m sure you do, what else there is to discover! Perhaps you should start writing a book! (My own father worked for — was not a member of, but worked for — the mafia for most of his career. I only learned of this after his death, but when I learned of it, some pieces of the puzzle fell together, such as the ‘Uncles’ who used to come around regularly!)

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  5. The Yingers came to Ohio from Prussia about the same time as yours. Your description of Waldensians tracks with the Catholicism I was taught. The love of Catholic ritual combined with the discovery of the Tao has given me an unshakable faith. Your history lesson brought some understanding to my beliefs. Thanks.👍😉

    Don’t be hard on your mom. The five years I had to drive about unlicensed were a boon to the safety of Ohio drivers.🤣

    Liked by 1 person

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    • 😄 I’ll go a bit easy on Mom. After all, it was the 1930’s and 1940’s into the 1950’s when the Pentecostal-raised young lady got FREE of her parents! Then she and 3 of her 4 sisters went on their rampage throughout central Texas! 😆

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      • You didn’t tell me the real reason Waldo’s followers were labeled heretics.🤣The evil man taught women to read and teach the bible. 70 years and I am just now understanding the origins of my religious beliefs.🤣Give her a giant kiss for throwing off her societal shackles.😘I have a new hero, your mom.💝

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        • Hah! 😆 I have to tell Mom she has a new “secret admirer” in Ohio. 😉

          Yeah, perhaps the biggest reason the 17th-century Catholic Church came after my maternal ancestors of Waldensians was because Valdo/Waldo followers did not believe average peasants, the low-class masses, needed any monk, or bishop, or archbishop, or even “a Pope” to read the Bible (in Latin mind you) to them AND always interpret for them the spiritual-theological lessons, guidance, etc., what God was saying to them. How to think, how to behave, or to whom they gave their meek, small humble tithes to.

          The Vatican despised this group and Movement. Hence, they sent the Catholic/Vatican army to hunt them down and massacre them if the Waldensians did not repent, renounce their demonic ways, and return back to the submission of Latin-speaking Catholic priests.

          Liked by 1 person

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          • You said it best.”My father taught me how to think not what to think”.👍Nothing is more dangerous to power than a man who knows how to think.😉Why I stay in the shadows and shoot em in the back. Ask her if she remembers the first time she went over 100MPH.😉

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            • Hah! 😄 100mph for the first time? You mean, other than with my father during a “romantic weekend” in San Antonio along the Riverwalk and late, late inside the Robert E. Lee hotel?

              WHOOPS. Dwain is on the way! 🤭

              Liked by 1 person

            • I like a woman in a hurry.🤣Get a better view from behind.😉First time I told her she thought I made it up.😂”Baby, I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.”

              Liked by 1 person

            • 🤣 Love it. Man, do I have so many “lines” like that too. 😈 But I’ll stick with a more, umm, classier line I’ve often used with all my women in my life. From Sir Winston Churchill I believe? …

              You’re a Lady in the Parlor, but a Harlot in the bedroom.

              😁

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            • Yes, guilty as charged Madame. (raises his hands for her arrest & to read me my Miranda Rights)

              But in all seriousness Nan, the only time I ever gist/joke like that is if I’m with a woman I’m very very close to and have known for a long time, relational or marriage. By then, she knows me too well and can appreciate my many charming, suave, semi-naughty ways for her. 😉 🖤😈

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            • Yes. I’ve dated (loved) and adored three women in my past—one of which was the love-of-my-life, Jodi—who were all very independent, intelligent, put your foot down hard for any wrong-doing, sexism, prejudice, etc., for themselves and others, women especially. They did and still do possess a dear, sacred piece of my heart and soul to this day.

              Boy… did they keep me in line with stuff that slipped out or if I misbehaved; then there was no getting out of the doghouse for hours, maybe a day or two. Pure hell for my stupid misgivings.

              Anyway, I guess what I’m rambling on about is this. I no longer have those beautiful creatures in my life. Yes, that’s no excuse, but I grew up in the 1970’s, ’80s, ’90s, and early 2000’s where today some old (distasteful) habits are hard to change. Apologies for the “not sitting well” Ma’am. 🙏

              Liked by 1 person

            • One should always check the label, Could be you are buying the wrong product.🤔I also recognize people of color. I’m fairly sure neither a sexist nor a racist would support Kamala Harris a beautiful black woman for president.😉Have you check YOUR registration? Seems so Republican to take offense when none is offered.✌️

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            • These two sentences are the ones that I was referencing:
              “Get a better view from behind.”
              “Baby, I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.”

              I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you may not have realized how these two remarks come across as sexist. But both are comments common to men who don’t respect women.

              Liked by 2 people

            • I apologize for any offense.😔 I ran track since grade school and played soccer into my forties. I always appreciated both the men and the women who express admiration for my calves.
              I have actually never seen P, as she is surrounded by an impenetrable veil of beauty but neither have I never been stupid enough to answer when she asks if a particular dress makes her butt look big.😂✌️Again I’m sorry for any offense.

              Liked by 1 person

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