Since 1994 the proud state of Texas has been strongly Republican. The recent film “W.” directed by Oliver Stone was a good portrayal of our politician’s larger-than-life pride in how things should be run in America. Governor Rick Perry, both branches of our state legislatures, and a majority of municipal representatives all proudly support the defense of heterosexual marriage. The current state laws indicate a Republican-way conservative Right firmly entrenched. Listen to our thousands of good ole boys and you’ll know exactly who wears the pants at home and in this state! YEE-HAAW (spit in the spittoon)!
Yes, we Texans define the art of exaggeration in a BIG way. Case and point: the proud heritage of Big…Big, BIG Tex and the Big Texas State Fair. Do we seem obsessed with size? Are we compensating for anything?
Apparently so…as events of October 19, 2012 revealed.
Not Peecaan Pie, Humble Pie
Some of you may have seen or read this story last year. It was bigger news than many realized. One of Texas’ iconic symbols of everything big in Texas lost its Alpha-male high-testosterone image by losing his Dickie-brand shirt, his hat, his boots, and more embarrassingly his Dickie jeans. Female witnesses with libidos in high-gear, watched with baited horniness to see what Big Tex had underneath his 284W-185L jeans. When the smoke and fire cleared hetero-Texas was as devastated as Tin-man, Scarecrow, and Lion when the curtain of the Great Oz came down.
The events of October 19th, 2012 redefined the adage “The bigger they are the harder they fall.” Investigators determined that Big Tex’s wiring in his jaw – of all big blabbing places – was faulty. Imagine that. The fire spread and singe’d off his haughty (or gaudy if you prefer) cowpoke threads. The Goddesses of Venus and Aphrodite were DONE with big Texas talk and big Texas poking on sex and gender. And they made a great show of it.
As it turns out, Big Tex-ass had no cock at all. Even more astonishing – or for Texas conservatives “more disturbing” – was that Big Tex was transgendered and they didn’t even know when or how! “Holy White Be-Jesus Earlene! Go get my guns!” But alas, for the state’s few pragmatic liberals such as me it was a day of reckoning….a coming out of the proverbial closet.
On that one day I was a proud Texan. YEE-HAAW!
(paragraph separation)
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The Professor's Convatorium 
I do vaguely remember this, in the news. I lived in Houston, ’78-81, and referred to it as Tex-ass, also. Not very Southerly of me. 😉 Nice piece of writing, btw. And I like the “transgendered” icon.
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Thank you for coming by Vix! I wanted to finish this post last fall but was in the middle of moving; little free time. But there was NO WAY I was going to let this ‘beautifully’ controversial opportunity on Texas’ bigness slip away! If you haven’t deduced, I try to be a warrior against piousness & bigotry, unfortunately an epidemic sometimes in my home state. 😦
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You are a success. Texas by no means has the market cornered on piety and bigotry. NC, considered to be in the ‘bible belt’…. it’s the buckle on that belt!
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I must say, I detest harming of any cultural monuments. Those are the wittnesses of history. Even when they stand for dubious idealisms. Or when their artistic value is not very high.
Here in Finland our parliament chickened out on the equal marriage law. A small number of representatives (not many but enough) who had told they would support it before the elections fell in line with their more conservative party leadership.
This seems a bit like they were digging their own political graves, since alltough some 70% of Finns are members of the Christian Lutheran church, only some 27% believe in the Christian god, the virgin birth, or that Jesus actually resurrected. This according to a recent study by the church research center. The number of believers has been dramatically dropping in recent years. I for one am hard pressed to even imagine any other reasons against the rights of homosexuals, other than what the ancient storybooks tells us.
We even almost had a gay man as our president, but I think it was more due to the fact that he was representing the Green party, than his sexual orientation, that cost him the election at the final moment.
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rautakyy…Did you catch that the fire was an accident? Faulty electrical wiring. Nevertheless, I hear you. Burning of flags, for example, doesn’t accomplish anything in my mind. However, on the other hand, on a university campus in the Deep South of the U.S. their historical mascot (and a statue) is representative of a Civil War military officer of the Confederacy; which wanted slavery. As far as I know the statue still stands despite the controversy it invokes on campus and throughout the nation.
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LMAO
Wait ’til Wendy Davis becomes governor. They ain’t seen nothing yet. 😀
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Love her! I’ve already contributed to her campaign AND she already has MY vote! Hell, there ain’t no Big Texie-like man in this state that can quell her light and energy. I just wish/hope there’s enough votes to make her campaign race a serious challenge.
*with anxious fingers crossed*
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I’d be anxiously crossing my fingers, too. Rich Perry and his cronies have done a great disservice to Texans. The state has become, has been the laughingstock of the world, and its corrupt government has caused much harm to its citizens. I’m impressed that you have already contributed to her campaign. Kudos to you Professor.
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And to add to Dick Perry’s dossier of governing, he has (and our conservative parents too) also made Texas one of the nation’s leading states in teen-pregnancy AND repeat teen-pregnancies — even some African nations are not as bad as Texas — by constantly refusing and lobbying the state Congress to refuse Federal funding of “broadminded” teen sex-education. Care to guess what type of sex education he has supported his entire public service? See the results?
In the wake of federal funding refusals, Dick Perry this last term has cut state public education funds significantly too, further exacerbating the entire problem for future generations of Texans — yet the wealthier school districts strict “testing standards” continue to exceed expectations while the majority of lower and middle-income districts decline to near all-time lows. Read: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tag/rick-perry-education-cuts
Care to guess what type of schools/education Dick (yes, I intentionally use Dick not Rick) Perry supports? Hint?
What social affiliations is Texas most noted for nationally and globally? And FYI…I’m not referring to our Wild West gun laws (or the radical use of said weapons) endorsed legally for generations. Duck!!! 😉
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I love this. You do it with style. Hugs
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Thank you. A few of my fellow Texans readily and gleefully laugh, but there are others who don’t find ANY humor in it whatsoever. But they don’t have anything to say about it either. Hehehehe 😁
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First up: I love, respect, and admire the Yoonarted Sates of America. (Furthermore, boom boom!*)
But ‘admire’ and ‘understand’ do not necessarily belong in the same sentence.
* Boom boom is a Basil Brushian way of saying (I guess?) Yee Haw! — but with a British or Kiwi accent.
Boom boom!
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HAH! You make good points Argus, both explicit and implicit… and I salute your poignancy Sir. 🙂
When are you coming to visit this great BIG STATE!? 😄
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