Since 1994 the proud state of Texas has been strongly Republican. The recent film “W.” directed by Oliver Stone was a good portrayal of our politician’s larger-than-life pride in how things should be run in America. Governor Rick Perry, both branches of our state legislatures, and a majority of municipal representatives all proudly support the defense of heterosexual marriage. The current state laws indicate a Republican-way conservative Right firmly entrenched. Listen to our thousands of good ole boys and you’ll know exactly who wears the pants at home and in this state! YEE-HAAW (spit in the spittoon)!
Yes, we Texans define the art of exaggeration in a BIG way. Case and point: the proud heritage of Big…Big, BIG Tex and the Big Texas State Fair. Do we seem obsessed with size? Are we compensating for anything?
Apparently so…as events of October 19, 2012 revealed.
Not Peecaan Pie, Humble Pie
Some of you may have seen or read this story last year. It was bigger news than many realized. One of Texas’ iconic symbols of everything big in Texas lost its Alpha-male high-testosterone image by losing his Dickie-brand shirt, his hat, his boots, and more embarrassingly his Dickie jeans. Female witnesses with libidos in high-gear, watched with baited horniness to see what Big Tex had underneath his 284W-185L jeans. When the smoke and fire cleared hetero-Texas was as devastated as Tin-man, Scarecrow, and Lion when the curtain of the Great Oz came down.
The events of October 19th, 2012 redefined the adage “The bigger they are the harder they fall.” Investigators determined that Big Tex’s wiring in his jaw – of all big blabbing places – was faulty. Imagine that. The fire spread and singe’d off his haughty (or gaudy if you prefer) cowpoke threads. The Goddesses of Venus and Aphrodite were DONE with big Texas talk and big Texas poking on sex and gender. And they made a great show of it.
As it turns out, Big Tex-ass had no cock at all. Even more astonishing – or for Texas conservatives “more disturbing” – was that Big Tex was transgendered and they didn’t even know when or how! “Holy White Be-Jesus Earlene! Go get my guns!” But alas, for the state’s few pragmatic liberals such as me it was a day of reckoning….a coming out of the proverbial closet.
On that one day I was a proud Texan. YEE-HAAW!
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