Continuing the series and submissions begun last year, I invited erotic author, blogger, friend, and advocate of SSC BDSM, Kitt Crescendo (of theinnerwildkat) to share her personal thoughts and experience about our provocative lifestyle from a woman’s perspective. My sincere gratitude to Kitt for this guest-submission and casting a light of clarity on a sometimes misunderstood, yet popular and growing community. Thank you Kitt!
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“I’m not sure how it started, but there are two very big misconceptions surrounding the BDSM lifestyle that drive me absolutely batty.
The first is that feminism and BDSM can’t coexist, and second is that submission is for the weak.
This has always been my issue with certain people who label themselves as feminists and then spend their time judging without much actual knowledge to base their decisions. Yes, feminism is about equal treatment and equal pay, but it’s so much more than that. It’s about recognizing strength. About empowerment to be their best version of themselves and chasing their dreams. About not settling.
And for me, that’s a big part of the D/s lifestyle. There’s freedom in this world. A freedom to communicate clearly and honestly with little to no fear of judgment simply because what you might want may be considered outside the “norm.” It’s a place where labels like freak and sicko have no place, and slut and kink are often badges of honor, rather than dirty words or insults.
Doesn’t make sense yet? Well, let me see if I can help by explaining my preference in submissives.
While I’m fully aware that there are submissives who relate to the role because they’re weak, that’s definitely not the norm. In fact, most subs I know are incredibly strong people, either mentally or physically or both. My personal preference lies with the “both.”
For me, nothing is sexier than taking someone who is strong (with men, I like them big, muscular and physically easily able to overpower me–if they wanted/with women-mentally tough and a bit of a badass…picture Eliza Dushku as Faith in Buffy or Lucy Liu in Charlie’s Angels) and bending them to my will for our mutual pleasure. They voluntarily give up their power in that moment to please me, trusting that I will bring them the pleasure (and often the peace) that they crave. It’s that moment when they don’t have to think. They can shut off their brains and focus on what I’m doing to them, trusting that I’ll take care of them. That’s a HUGE GIFT! It’s a trust that is rarely found in a vanilla relationship.
There’s nothing weak about voluntarily placing yourself in someone else’s care. In fact, it takes an incredible amount of strength and self-awareness. And communication. Lots and lots of communication. Because the reality is that, as with vanilla relationships, not every match is going to be a good one… we just usually figure it out sooner in the kink world because communication is required for success. You figure out pretty quickly whether or not your kinks line up based on mutual discussion and honesty.
There’s no need to hide because fetishes and kinks are accepted, even if they may not be mine or yours. Yes, acceptance is pretty easily found.
As you’ve all probably gathered, I’m female. And I’m Dominant. Yes, we’re equal opportunity that way… and mutual respect is there. It’s not assumed that I’m weak or soft, just because I’m female and Dominant. And as you can tell based on my friendship with The Professor, gender has nothing to do with our mutual respect and pleasure found in this wild and wonderful world.”
A Woman’s Point of View – #1 from MasteredSlave.
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