A Woman’s Point of View – #2

Continuing the series and submissions begun last year, I invited erotic author, blogger, friend, and advocate of SSC BDSM, Kitt Crescendo (of theinnerwildkat) to share her personal thoughts and experience about our provocative lifestyle from a woman’s perspective. My sincere gratitude to Kitt for this guest-submission and casting a light of clarity on a sometimes misunderstood, yet popular and growing community. Thank you Kitt!
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“I’m not sure how it started, but there are two very big misconceptions surrounding the BDSM lifestyle that drive me absolutely batty.

The first is that feminism and BDSM can’t coexist, and second is that submission is for the weak.

This has always been my issue with certain people who label themselves as feminists and then spend their time judging without much actual knowledge to base their decisions. Yes, feminism is about equal treatment and equal pay, but it’s so much more than that. It’s about recognizing strength. About empowerment to be their best version of themselves and chasing their dreams. About not settling.

And for me, that’s a big part of the D/s lifestyle. There’s freedom in this world. A freedom to communicate clearly and honestly with little to no fear of judgment simply because what you might want may be considered outside the “norm.” It’s a place where labels like freak and sicko have no place, and slut and kink are often badges of honor, rather than dirty words or insults.

Doesn’t make sense yet? Well, let me see if I can help by explaining my preference in submissives.

Domme_with_subWhile I’m fully aware that there are submissives who relate to the role because they’re weak, that’s definitely not the norm. In fact, most subs I know are incredibly strong people, either mentally or physically or both. My personal preference lies with the “both.”

For me, nothing is sexier than taking someone who is strong (with men, I like them big, muscular and physically easily able to overpower me–if they wanted/with women-mentally tough and a bit of a badass…picture Eliza Dushku as Faith in Buffy or Lucy Liu in Charlie’s Angels) and bending them to my will for our mutual pleasure. They voluntarily give up their power in that moment to please me, trusting that I will bring them the pleasure (and often the peace) that they crave. It’s that moment when they don’t have to think. They can shut off their brains and focus on what I’m doing to them, trusting that I’ll take care of them. That’s a HUGE GIFT! It’s a trust that is rarely found in a vanilla relationship.

There’s nothing weak about voluntarily placing yourself in someone else’s care. In fact, it takes an incredible amount of strength and self-awareness. And communication. Lots and lots of communication. Because the reality is that, as with vanilla relationships, not every match is going to be a good one… we just usually figure it out sooner in the kink world because communication is required for success. You figure out pretty quickly whether or not your kinks line up based on mutual discussion and honesty.

There’s no need to hide because fetishes and kinks are accepted, even if they may not be mine or yours. Yes, acceptance is pretty easily found.

As you’ve all probably gathered, I’m female. And I’m Dominant. Yes, we’re equal opportunity that way… and mutual respect is there. It’s not assumed that I’m weak or soft, just because I’m female and Dominant. And as you can tell based on my friendship with The Professor, gender has nothing to do with our mutual respect and pleasure found in this wild and wonderful world.”

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Visit Kitt Crescendo at theinnerwildkat for enjoyable reads and open discussions over various topics and all things sexual.
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A Woman’s Point of View – #1 from MasteredSlave.

If you are a kinkster in our lifestyle, female, and would like to submit your point-of-view, experience, etc, contact me at professor.taboo@gmail.com, or follow the “Contact Me” menu selection at the top of this page then fill-in the form. If you would like a Password to a specific adult-content post, follow these same instructions.

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24 thoughts on “A Woman’s Point of View – #2

    • I agree Lucy. I’ve had many phone conversations with Kitt, especially over erotica and BDSM, and she is not only an enjoyable funny woman, but she is also a great example and teacher… for all kinksters! She has a delightful wicked side. 😉

      Thank you Lucy for your comment and support. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

        • I too agree, great piece Kitt, on a subject that really should be discussed and written about more to illuminate the misconceptions you speak of. Ignorance so often harbours fear and anger where none need be present. It seems to me that those who believe one cannot be a feminist and also enjoy SSC BDSM are somewhat shooting themselves in the foot. Just as they are when they say feminists shouldn’t wear high heels, make-up and, as I heard some attire once referred to in this context, ‘frilly clothes’, whatever the hell that means. (laughs a lot). It’s all about freedom for heaven’s sake! The freedom to be who you are, to be in control of your own life, rather than be dictated to by any gender, whatever form their genitals may take.

          – esme upon the free Cloud

          Liked by 4 people

        • Excellent points Esme! Thank you very much. 🙂

          To add, there is a big difference between Domineering and Dominant; two terms that some Feminists confuse. Some differences are subtle, others are night and day. One major key to the distinction, as Kitt pointed out, is consent. A domineering person has little or no desire to respect another’s wishes or integrity. The dominate first earns it, then cares for it and nurtures it.

          Thanks Esme! ❤

          Liked by 3 people

        • Oh, Esme, I think you and your cloud are awesome, and I couldn’t agree more. Real feminist don’t pigeon hole people…otherwise I’d probably be making some rude assumptions about them having mullets and wearing flannel, but as I am one….I know better than to make snap judgments.

          Liked by 2 people

  1. You have adequately encompassed all the negative, stereotypical misconceptions surrounding this subject and lifestyle. While I don’t practice all of these “kinks”, I do not consider myself weak or “dirty” for having a preference for it. Feminism can still exist in the bedroom, regardless of a “playful” position of power. Being a woman is a state of mind, not the preconceived notions of a stifled society. Thank you, Kitt, for your insights and enlightening those who need clarification.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you, my friend! I love being surrounded by open minded, sexually self aware people like you. And you’re right… Those assumptions are as inaccurate as assuming someone can’t bottom during sex and still maintain dominance. 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Well said, Kitt! I too agree that feminist and pleasure don’t need to be one or other terms. People should be able to express themselves, and if it’s being done the right way, then communication is a huge part of that. As long as there’s consent between EVERYONE involved, then go for it. Well written piece, friend!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Brilliant piece! I know many beautiful feminists who are hugely into BDSM. Feminism really is all about equality–no limitations, so why limit ourselves in the sexual fantasy or kink arenas? We should all be free to embrace our sexuality and desires as we see fit. I’m so grateful for your voice.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. This was a great read. I am a strong woman, but I am a submissive. When being strong sometimes you need to just hand over control and have your mind shut off. Sadly that has happened for so long for me.

    Liked by 2 people

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