Something utterly remarkable happened the other day! If it had happened any other way in any other form or time, you’d never believe me. I’m not sure I believe me or this whackyfied life. I am altogether ecstatic and devastated at the same time by its enormity.
It was as if you had been searching endlessly for Waldo for many years and suddenly, he walks up behind you and taps you on the shoulder, then says, “Have you been looking for me?” Dumbfounded and in shock you can only stutter in a whispered reply, “If you only knew.”
These are moments that most 8-billion people on Earth wish for or dream about. You know, beyond any shadow of a doubt just how rare an occurrence this is for a lifetime, likely several lifetimes. This is how it all began…
My day had started as most any other day would. Slowly, VERY slowly and awkwardly roll out of bed or fight to get out of bed like a flipped-over-on-its-shell Galápagos turtle. I struggle to make a simple cup of joe/coffee, go open up all the kitchen and living room blinds, then make my way outside to water all the flowers and plants so that they have a chance not to wilt and spontaneously combust in the unrelenting Texas, USA, and global firestorm heatwave these last 45–60 days. So far, so good. Until I remembered once the coffee-maker finished with my Brazilian Cafezinho (from the state of Rio de Janeiro) that… damn it, we are out of creamer, and not just any ole generic creamer—my Amaretto creamer. Not good, not at all good.
I grab my wallet, grab the car-keys, and grab my cell phone then jump into the Toyota Avalon to head to the somewhat nearby popular H-E-B grocer. This is where things began to get bizarre.
After arriving at the store, entering through the automatic doors, then locating Aisle 8 and the accompanying dairy section, I quickly, or rather impatiently turn the corner. Serendipitously I slam face and body straight into this lady. Her held items go flying everywhere, all over the floor followed by… yep…
The stricken-by-a-Mack-truck gorgeous woman onto her backside and ass. She glares at me for a second or two, and in the most seductive voice says…
SPECIAL REPORT:
Should any family or friends wish to visit this dangerous inmate of brain-wrecking and abuser of his reader’s excessively strenuous over-reading and/or thinking from his exceptional blog-content, shown in the below mugshot, you can call 1-900-555-6969 to arrange visitation with the Warden’s Vernacular Security Dept. at Penal facility Titan Uranus. NO BOOKS ALLOWED OVER 300-WORDS! NO EXCEPTIONS! 🙃
Live Well – Love Much – Laugh Often – Learn Always
The Professor’s Convatorium © 2023 by Professor Taboo is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0
The Professor's Convatorium 
“You must be Professor Taboo? I’ve been wanting to run into you…”
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Is that it!!! wtf
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Aww, you were looking for a post that was several thousand more words long, weren’t you Ark? 😜
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At least a description of her groceries.
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🤣 Aside from ANY euphemisms, she had obviously just come from the produce section… cuz OMG WOWZA!!! 😲
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You bastard! You better tell us what she said or I’m coming to Texas! 😉
Use another post if you have to, I’ll bet you can do it in under 300 words unless she quoted an encyclopedia to you…
Or maybe rawgod has the right idea, we can make a game of it. How about:
“most women in Texas have to wait to be married before they get knocked on their ass!” Or:
“you’ve already touched my cantaloupes, might as well check out the rest of the produce aisle.”
Please note: that first one is meant to be representative of the stereotypical man that inhabits redneck infested states, and nothing to do with the woman, except her general location relative to the aforementioned redneck. This being the internet I feel I must explain, I’d never infer a hee haw redneck wink wink joke, amongst hee haw rednecks*… and the second, is the comeback every guy who is still breathing wants to hear.
Had a run in with a couple of hee haw rednecks yesterday… Might blog it.
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You SHOULD blog about your hee-haw Tennessee rednecks/hillbillies! There’s certainly way too many around not to blog about them! Hell, around here I could easily write 3-4 blog posts on them PER DAY!!! 😬 And most all of them here proudly fly this imbecile flag:
Utterly laughable, but incredibly sad that cult members don’t even recognize when they are hypnotized by a narcissistic Cult Leader. 🤦♂️
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Well, I made the effort last night. The post is up.
Good grief, that flag, now I have to get through the rest of my day after seeing that…
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Hmmm now I won’t sleep at night wondering how this was going to turn out….thanks Prof.
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Sorry for the delay in my reply Brian. My Mom has had 2-3 pretty bad days & nights with her severe dementia/E-Alzh. I’ve been exhausted this weekend. Still am.
Try not to lose TOO much sleep over my satire and poking fun at a handful of my WordPress followers who (correctly) accuse me of being too overly pedantic or at least a bit OCD with all details, supporting and general. 😉
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Don’t apologise Mr D. Doing what you are for your Mom is incredible and I take my hat off to you.
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