Trials of Open/Poly Lifers

As part of the Alternative Lifestyles blog-posts migration over to the new blog The Professor’s Lifestyles Memoirs, this post has been moved there. To read this post please click the link to the blog.

Your patience is appreciated. Thank you!

4 thoughts on “Trials of Open/Poly Lifers

  1. Well written! I stumbled into this one when I searched for “Open Poly” because I wanted an image to support my frustrated note about being publicly open about being poly when it can be so easily misunderstood.
    I would love your thoughts on the matter: http://macharding.wordpress.com/2012/03/23/second-and-secret/

    I have been very pleased by the sources out there, especially Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up, that can help prepare a person entering poly for the first time. There have also been multiple podcasts worth listening to.. but my point in bringing up these resources is they have helped prepare me and my wife for the opening. We realize the relationships are work.. from courting a new person and going through the “here is the nature and flavor of my marriage” dialog through to the “scheduling sacred time with all lovers” and what happens when one lover wants to leave the relationship. All of it equals more work than I have ever seen in a single pairing relationship.
    So, it can be frustrating to find a what feels like a perfect fit, then to confront this silly stupid reality that there is a public that wont accept it. On some level it feels like I am called to be wide out and in the open: http://macharding.wordpress.com/2012/03/19/what-do-you-want/

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    • Marcharding,

      Happy you enjoyed it! Thank you too for the kind comment! From what you’ve written here, you and your spouse have prepared well, doing some homework, etc. Well done! And PLEASE know that they are indeed growing banks of open/poly support out there. Two points I recommend for you and your spouse is to ALWAYS have abnormal amounts of patience and forgiveness for each other — you’ll both make mistakes in the growing process. 🙂

      I will certainly stop by your link; thank you for the request! All the best to both of you!

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  2. I LOVE how you have compared people who choose to have one lover as “an elementary schooler”, a “17 year old”, someone who is too young to “get it”? And the assumption that every person who chooses to keep one lover knows nothing about brutal, open, honest communication… ridicules. Why would you talk down to someone who chooses a different life than you? I certainly don’t think less of ANY of my one million poly friends. Yes, there are many mono relationships that have dishonesty and secrets. Are you saying no poly people ever have this in their relationships? You don’t have to belittle others to prove that you love your way of living, or that you deserve to live the way you love. Just DO IT, and love and respect everyone. Do you not see the separation you have created? Putting vanilla people in a box that (in your mind) they can’t grow out of. How about the NEW monogamy? How about the open, loving, brutally honest monogamy that was thought-out, experimented with, and reconsulted often? Have you not yet met anyone who has talked about and flirted with the poly lifestyle, talked it all through, had a few minor, low-impact experiences, and decided they liked monogamy better (for now)? Have you never met a couple who was in love and completely allowed the other to be themselves, bending and morphing and straight up switching gender roles in every way when they feel like it (want to), give each other perfect and constant permission to do whatever makes them happy (meaning anything outside of the two person relationship as well) but they both live in that space of trust and ease, appreciating the options and space, but having no desire to take them up on that in this moment? And have you never met anyone who realized they might just want to do more with there life than make new and more complicated situations that they need to talk through for hours and hours, and instead put there extra sexual/artistic energy in the artistic realm, and build not only a thiving business, and also maybe raise a family of beautiful perfect little people that will one day continue this life we all live in a better and cleaner way? There are good people everywhere: in every religion and sexual preference. You should open your eyes and see them all.

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    • Thank you White Witch for the comment. If I have touched a sore nerve too harshly, then I apologize. In your interpretation of my blog and my ‘personal’ perception of relationships, I think your defense or description of monogamous relationships, you assume I’ve never met, actually is quite suitable to progress into open or poly encounters, hence, I’d applaud that. On the contrary though, if they choose not to experiment, then OF COURSE I respect that! And in most circumstances if we had the time to sit, share, chat, etc, about such topics, then I would be respectful and courteous in my ‘questions’, which need not be perceived as attacks. The point not to miss here is that the two different lifestyles are spoken in very different languages, parameters, and definitions. Just because someone speaks French and not English is no reason for disrespect, or even heated emotion, that often leads to unnecessary division. There must be determined efforts to FIND understanding and at least a few points of common ground, which 90% of the time I do with “mono” lifers. No surprise, I used to be one of them! LOL

      Not sure how much of my entire blog site you’ve read, my guess would be little or just this specific article, based on your comments here. But I’ve been around most of the world, met many, MANY couples and singles, of all types of orientations and lifestyles, and my eyes have indeed been wide-open for decades. I’m sorry you don’t know that.

      Nevertheless, I thank you for the differing comments. I hope you’ll continue to stop by. 🙂

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