The Family Story & Accolades

This might just be one of my shortest, quickest blog-posts. You’re welcome followers of less-than 100-words, and lesser content. πŸ˜‰ Enjoy.

Yesterday Mom and I talked at length about our family tree, genealogy, and what traits we are best known for. Here are the seven highlights, or bullet-points we red-necks from rural Texas, specifically small towns around Austin and south Houston that have made us famous. Read them with envy folks because it’s only here in Texas that we be so proud and patriotic of these American/Texas qualities!

  • Spermification by the men of the family.
  • Fornification by all in the family.
  • Gestation, frequently.
  • Womanly Inflation.
  • Birthification of previous –cations.
  • Enormous Familialfication. And then…
  • Confirmation of the previous six Occasions.

This is essentially the truthy story of the Bonnet-Miller family tree. Thank you and may all your dreams of “family” come to fruition as it has for ours! πŸ˜„πŸ˜ˆ

∼ ∼ ∼ § ∼ ∼ ∼

P.S. My Release of Liability Clause — Redneck Republican Texans are renown for making up words and a lexicon—and a delusional reality—that does not follow ANY linguistic or grammatical or logical global standard of quality. We are basically dumber than a bag of hammers. Thank you, and please return to your normally scheduled program.

Later Addendum — March 14, 2023:

A popular family story of my Mom’s sister, Mildred, and her three boys: Greg, Billy, and Clay.

For example, my a-FOURmentioned three maternal cousins—two of which I grew up with closely—have a story when they three were young boys/men out hunting on foot, outside of Leander, Texas. They had left their truck about 1-2 miles near the entry/exit gate, the one with the typical cow-grids or cow-guards you find EVERYWHERE in the Texas kun-tree.

As it was beginning to get late, the sun was nearing the tree-line and the three of them were tired and hungry. They had not shot ANYTHING! Not even a squirrel or dove—and those two animals are abundantly skurring and flapping around in the thousands, if not millions, in Texas! They were plum frustrated and wanted to get back to the truck and go home, now! They hadn’t shot anything most probably because the three of them couldn’t shut-up talking and joking. But they had a bigger problem. None of them could remember exactly which direction the empty truck-of-salvation was located. They debated with each other as to which compass-arrow lie the truck at the gate. Now there was another dilemma to address.

Being late and tired, two of them didn’t want to walk all the way back to the truck. They tried to talk one of the others to go get the truck and drive it back to pick-up the other two. But this decision on WHO should walk 1-2 miles back wasn’t appealing to any of them; they wanted the other to do it. Now they had a quorum, but more importantly (or discouragingly), they did NOT have a clear majority vote. Stalemate every time. Meanwhile, the oldest one was dispatching wisdom of their quandry:

“The sun rises in the east, over there, and then sets in the west… somewhere over there. Therefore, based on the position of the Sun now, us, and the lost truck, I approximate it to be in that direction.”

But Clay doubts his oldest brother’s solar-compass skills and asks him how precise his compassing degrees really are. Because “it is late-Fall early-Winter, and the Sun rises and sets in different positions based on the season and month.” Was his calculations based on Spring/Summer (the Equinox) or on Fall/Winter (the Solstice)? Furthermore, “the Earth’s rotation around the Sun is elliptical, AND to further complicate our lostness, the Earth’s daily rotation on its axis varies in minutes and hours over a 24-hour period throughout a solar calendar!”

Billy, the middle brother, comes up with an ingenious idea based upon what his two brothers have just argued or explained:

“Well, if both of you are correct or incorrect, and none of us want to walk back to get the truck, if the Earth rotates as you two say it does, then maybe we should just sit here and let the truck come to us!”

Live Well – Laugh Often – Love Much – Learn Always

The Professor’s Convatorium Β© 2023 by Professor Taboo is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0 

21 thoughts on “The Family Story & Accolades

  1. You just disproved my next post, if I ever write it, so, thanks, asshole!!!
    My intent is to write about how humans have lost the ability to laugh at themselves in this era of fake news and faux politics.
    Everyone loves themselves, and hates everyone else. There is no laughter in that.
    But you gotta go and spoil it. Texans just gotta spoil everything for everyone else!
    Bah humbug!

    Liked by 4 people

    • Yeah, we don’t go too much into detail of these hidden hammers & skeletons in our closets—and some of the closets are secretly hidden doors with traps—but we’re all smart enough(?) to know that we can’t hide these fabulous qualities of family traits for long either. They will rear their ugly and not-so-ugly heads sooner and later! πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I hate to say this but, grouped together your traits have a certain keep it in the family quality that is somewhat disconcerting.
    None of you lot have the old two-thumbs-and-six- toes thing going on I hope?

    If so, this could explain your Taboo moniker and your prediliction with Arsenal.

    Liked by 2 people

      • Nope. About 180-miles west by southwest where Stevie Ray Vaughn grew up—Oak Cliff, Dallas, Texas to be precise—and Arky/Doug sure does know about him! But Jim, you weren’t too far off. That said, however, leave the fun, diverse, intelligent, and safe confines of DFW and venture out into the rural sticks amongst and where rednecks are with their arsenals of military-style assault weapons and their cows, goats, sheep, and/or ostriches? Then you are asking for a WORLD of hurt and idiocy!!! Which is where I am now, sanity and gods/goddesses HELP ME! πŸ˜†

        Liked by 1 person

    • Hah! πŸ˜„ SOMEWHAT disconcerting Ark!? Pfffft, you have NO IDEA what we lot are capable of…

      Or perhaps “INcapable of” might be more accurate. πŸ˜‰

      And be careful Ark, talking about my Gunners. Who is still at the top of the EPL Table? Let me hear you cheer and sing for my Gunners! πŸ₯³πŸ•Ί

      Liked by 1 person

  3. A visual poster board menagerie of our Texas IQ’s and sketchy, unconventional behaviors… that may or may not be appropriate for small children. πŸ˜ˆπŸ˜‡

    What we learnt in science class:

    Our favorite Asian restaurant:

    Outdoor recreation:

    My type of woman:

    What the women often say to me at Barn Dances:

    And then my final confession:

    Like

  4. I’m actually a bit surprised that you had this discussion. From your remarks about your mom’s “condition,” I would have thought such memories were lost. Nice to hear things aren’t quite as bad after all.

    Liked by 1 person

    • She definitely has her bad days (frequently) and her good days. On this day she was fairly sharp—her long-term memories are good; she can remember quite vividly her childhood memories, adolescence, and into her 20’s thru 40’s without much trouble. But as you near her memories in her 50’s thru 70’s they are not so accurate. Then of course what was said or done within the last 15-mins or yesterday or last week, she has serious trouble or complete blanks. 😟

      But on this one afternoon talking about family tree, extended family, stories of family stories, etc., it was a very fun time for us. πŸ˜‰ I almost made her wet her panties (or Depends) with laughter coming up with so many descriptive “-cations” of our KUN-tree upbringing, particularly hers as a little girl and young teenager. πŸ˜„

      Liked by 1 person

      • And all that laughter is why I wrote my first comment. You took away the main premis of the post I was planning, because I have not heard laughter like than in 7 years! But now I have, so screw it!

        Liked by 1 person

        • πŸ˜„ I’m sorry rawgod. Honestly, I do NOT have the superpower of “Spooky business at a long-distance” as Albert talked about, much less mentally-ill telepathy that I would’ve stolen your intellectual property from way down here! Promise. πŸ˜‰

          Like

          • I never meant to suggest it was intentional, but I do have moments of telepathic ability, and now that you suggested it, maybe you did read my open mind and do this on purpose. But if so, I forgive you. So far I have not written that post, it isn’t as easy as being a Republican and saying such and such is true becsuse they say it is true. Given the number of comedians in our society (a number I beIieve is growing yearly) maybe the lack of laughter I feel is just a product of my own stay-at-homeness. I don’t do out to see if there is really less laughter — but I do feel I am right, even so!

            Liked by 1 person

            • Then we MUST keep laughing for our own sanity, at least while radical MAGA Repubs are still around and Natural Selection is biding its time, while driving us ordinary Homo sapiens cuckoo-birds. πŸ€ͺ Let’s hope they go extinct before the cuckoo-birds do! πŸ€žπŸ»πŸ˜‰

              Like

            • I am in favour of that. Meanwhile, it seems the number of insane is still growing. And the sane ones are letting the insane push them around. I hear tell a number of states are once again in the process of gerymandering their states to favour Republican voters. Doesn’t anyone realize that if one needs to cheat to win, they are not worthy of winning! There is no honour in cheating!
              Politics in the US is no longer a way to build a good government when one of the parties cares more about winning than they care about representing the people they are governing. And people are willing to help them win? They are mak8ng themselves dishonourable!

              Liked by 2 people

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