Out of Step

optical-illusions-2Ever had those mornings or days when you say to yourself “I should really just go back to bed so I don’t hurt myself”?  For awhile it has felt like things have been strangely out of alignment to me.  It seems Murphy (of the firm Murphy’s Law, EDC, not LLC) is tagging around causing mischief and maniacally giggling with each train wreck.  Or lately, no matter how hard I try my words and meaning come out of my mouth and head having disaster woven in everywhere.  People look at me like I’m from outer space.  Oh, and EDC stands for Excessive Disaster Creation.

That is what my last several days have felt like.  So I have decided to just let Murphy have the stage and blog about it – get it over and give everyone else a few laughs at my expense and “his” warped gain.

Have you had any of these moments happen to you?  I already know the answer; don’t answer that.  I have had many laughs at others’ misfortune or embarrassments so I guess it’s my turn.  I am a BIG fan of raw and open, and so to be candid, most all of them have happened to me too.  Sometimes they come in bunches, other times they come in tidal waves.  Always I am reminded just how infrequently often I need to be humbled relative to my rather enormous healthy ego.  Images are not necessarily connected to protect the innocent and reflect the theme.

Accolades of Sir Murphy

That didn t go as plannedWhy paper coffee-filter companies’ pack all their filters to sub-atomic compactness so that one needs a microscopic-robotic surgeon’s tweezers to separate just one – when 5 a.m. dexterity doesn’t begin operating until at least 9 or 10 a.m. without coffee – is certainly one of Murphy’s doings!

A party memo lost…or lost in translation:  The birthday person and guest-of-honor walks-in for their surprise party and everyone simply yell surprise but you begin singing happy birthday…out of pitch; everyone stares awkwardly at you.  Yep, Murphy’s doing.

Your new romantic partner introduces you to their parents, including grandparents, and you greet the mother as the grandmother while she then gives you the death-stare and a very limp hesitant handshake like you have leprosy.  Murphy.

This is a popular Murphy trick:  rushing out to your car with coffee mug in one hand, office work, lunch or briefcase/purse in the other hand, put something down on the roof to open the door, get in, drive, and at the nearest or next to the nearest red-light you break to a stop; objects on your car roof come tumbling down the windshield, hood, and front-bumper and startled, you scream/jump, probably dropping your cell phone on the floor.  Several cars are behind you and the light turns green.  Definitely Murphy!

murphyslaw_beaverYou and some coworkers are out to lunch.  Sharing jokes with everyone, one particular joke goes over your head.  Extremely relieved that another one says they don’t get it, you still don’t get the explanations.  Everyone begins talking about the joke, and then one of your coworkers asks why you’ve become so quite.  Damn it Murphy!

Do I need to go into the reliability of vending machines?  Enough said.

When my son was four and five years old, he used to love running at me for a hug and to be picked up.  After the first three sprints to Dad, I painfully quickly learned to bend my knees and bend over to salvage what was left of my impacted testicles.  Murphy…in a very warped way.  Don’t ask me how some of our father-son baseball batting lessons have gone — my son has a very quick swing!

You are on a first or second date with the one you perceive a long happy future with while taking a stroll in a public park.  You’ve spent the entire day/evening trying to impress them.  Now you must find a toilet rather soon, in order to sit…for awhile.  With Cupid’s incessant harp and barrage of arrows, you have failed to check the stall or bathroom for any type of soft paper-products to finish your private business.  Nothing, nowhere; anywhere!  Just outside the door he/she asks if you are alright.  What will your answer be?  What action will you take?  Where the hell is Murphy!?  Do women always carry inside their huge purses toilet papers or wipes?

When you are certain the world is not right.

When you are certain the world is not right.

Many think that hidden keys are for those expected visitors or family to enter through a door.  Absolutely not!  They are for me and that unwelcomed jerk Murphy.  I have spare keys everywhere; on, in and under my car or the RV, two or three around the house/apartment, and one or two for work.  I got tired of locking myself out at gas stations, RV parks, home, or work…especially after hours…waiting on building security or worse, your boss.  I keep out myself more than I’ve EVER kept out robbers, salesmen, or nosy family members.  And some damn windows, always the lowest ones, are indeed impenetrable!

And then there are those weeks when Murphy is having a fricking July 4th gag-party with me with fireworks and Tchaikovsky playing.  During those times with my glum face of defeat, I’ve played this song at least 30-times…

Do you have a Murphy’s war story to share?  Rather than laughing at myself I would love to laugh at someone else for a change…please!

 

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P.S.  Once I’ve passed through this temporary off-kilter wacky phase I’m in, I will quickly return to my other pleasures and perspectives of social-lifestyles, history, humor, science, religious intolerances, etc.  Thank you all for your patience.  I am more than ready to be rid of Murphy and his menacing jokers, believe me!

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Live Laugh Love

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23 thoughts on “Out of Step

  1. I’ve learned to laugh and roll with it when Murphy decides to put in an appearance. It happens way too often for me to do much else. Fortunately I have friends who are willing to share in my madcap moments by sharing their own.

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  2. Wait a sec, all these things happened to you ‘recently’? I feel for you and your impacted testicles. Though not as impacted as your pride, I dare say. What would we do without a sense of humour?

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  3. Oh wait, the clue is in the story about your son’s early childhood. Thank goodness, or there would have been nothing for it save for a slow and hot sashay into hades.

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    • Morning Madame Crimmins! Or for you I should say Good Day!

      Yes, I have been victim to most of Murph’s warped shenanigans. No sense of humour? That would lead us (further?) into insanity I suspect. Ah hades; I’m familiar with that address. Must say, many “hot” ladies there too I’ve had the honor of…. ___________.

      P.S. I have tried to access your blog but now it seems your ‘club’ requires some sort of elite pass-code to enter its glamorous gates. 😉

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  4. Whenever we speak the topic rapidly devolves into _______. Or evolves, rather. Good thing there are XXXXX miles of salt seas between us.

    Ah, my blogosphere is under construction. Which is an enigmatic way of saying I’m in the process of sorting out some technical issues. But it’ll be up and running by the w/e, and I’m actually penning a new post as we speak. You’ll like it, it has an explicit language warning.

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    • Hah! You always put a huge grin on my face Madame AC with your clever insightful words. Salty water sterilizes, does it not? But detrimentally dehydrates the body with overexposure. Wrinkly brittle skin.

      Oooo! Explicit language warning. For one’s eyes/ears, or for ‘crude’ commentators from ‘foreign’ lands?

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      • Let’s just say that I’m penning some of my memoirs and they’re not written in my usual powdery purple prose. It’s taking longer than I thought because, quite frankly, I don’t know if I fancy writing about personal stuff, but we’ll see.

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  5. Life is just no fun without a sense of humour. The more wry the better. Recently read something about Venus and Cancer being at odds, usually I just attribute it to Mercury retrograde… other wise, it’s just the Shit Faery flying, again.

    Looks like the dynamic trio is back in the saddles. Looking forward to the weekend posts. Cheers ya’ll. *)–|

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  6. This post was hilarious — and the images — OMGawd. hahahha

    OK, I’ll take the bait. Yes, Murphy and I go way back. Back when I was a Christian, I did ‘special music’ in church almost every week. I was also asked to sing at weddings and funerals, and from time to time, asked to do ‘special music’ at other churches.

    So one such invitation was given to me and I would be attending a church on the weekend of Memorial day. At that time, I was living on the Gulf Coast, and it was the beginning of tourism season. I knew the church would most likely be packed with visiting family and friends.. So I pulled out my best dress, and my best high heels, painted my face and off I went to ‘sing for the Lord’.

    I pulled into the parking lot, but there was something strange about this particular parking lot; it was full of Harley’s. As I approached the church, a large group of men, adorned in black leather and studs were standing just outside the door smoking cigarettes. Yes, this was the weekend that thousands upon thousands of Harley Davidson enthusiasts covered the roads and beaches like black ants. They were here for the Memorial Day Blowout.

    There just so happened to be a Christian group called “The Tribe of Judea”, and they were there to get their ‘holy ghost’ fix.

    My heart started racing as I had no idea what I was getting myself into, lol. So I made my way into the church, ummm, a very small, 100 year old chapel (I’d never seen before), with wooden, backless benches and creaking pinewood floors full of knot holes. I sat several ‘pews’ back as the church/chapel filled. After the service started, I was introduced and asked to come forward.

    As I approached the front from the center isle, one of my heels got stuck in a knob and my shoe came off. I couldn’t ‘gracefully’ remove the shoe, so I kicked off my other shoe and made my way to the front, embarrassed as hell; my heart pounding out of my chest, and my face flushed like over-ripened strawberries. When I reached the pulpit and turned around to face the ‘tribe’, they all had a look on their face like they were trying to hold back laughter.

    I decided to take advantage of this awkward situation and said with a grin, “The Lord has a way of keeping us humble, eh?” Everyone burst out laughing, and the show went on as scheduled. it actually turned out to be a fun time of ‘fellowship’. Murphy didn’t get the best of me that day…nono.

    😀

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