Out of Step

optical-illusions-2Ever had those mornings or days when you say to yourself “I should really just go back to bed so I don’t hurt myself”?  For awhile it has felt like things have been strangely out of alignment to me.  It seems Murphy (of the firm Murphy’s Law, EDC, not LLC) is tagging around causing mischief and maniacally giggling with each train wreck.  Or lately, no matter how hard I try my words and meaning come out of my mouth and head having disaster woven in everywhere.  People look at me like I’m from outer space.  Oh, and EDC stands for Excessive Disaster Creation.

That is what my last several days have felt like.  So I have decided to just let Murphy have the stage and blog about it – get it over and give everyone else a few laughs at my expense and “his” warped gain.

Have you had any of these moments happen to you?  I already know the answer; don’t answer that.  I have had many laughs at others’ misfortune or embarrassments so I guess it’s my turn.  I am a BIG fan of raw and open, and so to be candid, most all of them have happened to me too.  Sometimes they come in bunches, other times they come in tidal waves.  Always I am reminded just how infrequently often I need to be humbled relative to my rather enormous healthy ego.  Images are not necessarily connected to protect the innocent and reflect the theme.

Accolades of Sir Murphy

That didn t go as plannedWhy paper coffee-filter companies’ pack all their filters to sub-atomic compactness so that one needs a microscopic-robotic surgeon’s tweezers to separate just one – when 5 a.m. dexterity doesn’t begin operating until at least 9 or 10 a.m. without coffee – is certainly one of Murphy’s doings!

A party memo lost…or lost in translation:  The birthday person and guest-of-honor walks-in for their surprise party and everyone simply yell surprise but you begin singing happy birthday…out of pitch; everyone stares awkwardly at you.  Yep, Murphy’s doing.

Your new romantic partner introduces you to their parents, including grandparents, and you greet the mother as the grandmother while she then gives you the death-stare and a very limp hesitant handshake like you have leprosy.  Murphy.

This is a popular Murphy trick:  rushing out to your car with coffee mug in one hand, office work, lunch or briefcase/purse in the other hand, put something down on the roof to open the door, get in, drive, and at the nearest or next to the nearest red-light you break to a stop; objects on your car roof come tumbling down the windshield, hood, and front-bumper and startled, you scream/jump, probably dropping your cell phone on the floor.  Several cars are behind you and the light turns green.  Definitely Murphy!

murphyslaw_beaverYou and some coworkers are out to lunch.  Sharing jokes with everyone, one particular joke goes over your head.  Extremely relieved that another one says they don’t get it, you still don’t get the explanations.  Everyone begins talking about the joke, and then one of your coworkers asks why you’ve become so quite.  Damn it Murphy!

Do I need to go into the reliability of vending machines?  Enough said.

When my son was four and five years old, he used to love running at me for a hug and to be picked up.  After the first three sprints to Dad, I painfully quickly learned to bend my knees and bend over to salvage what was left of my impacted testicles.  Murphy…in a very warped way.  Don’t ask me how some of our father-son baseball batting lessons have gone — my son has a very quick swing!

You are on a first or second date with the one you perceive a long happy future with while taking a stroll in a public park.  You’ve spent the entire day/evening trying to impress them.  Now you must find a toilet rather soon, in order to sit…for awhile.  With Cupid’s incessant harp and barrage of arrows, you have failed to check the stall or bathroom for any type of soft paper-products to finish your private business.  Nothing, nowhere; anywhere!  Just outside the door he/she asks if you are alright.  What will your answer be?  What action will you take?  Where the hell is Murphy!?  Do women always carry inside their huge purses toilet papers or wipes?

When you are certain the world is not right.

When you are certain the world is not right.

Many think that hidden keys are for those expected visitors or family to enter through a door.  Absolutely not!  They are for me and that unwelcomed jerk Murphy.  I have spare keys everywhere; on, in and under my car or the RV, two or three around the house/apartment, and one or two for work.  I got tired of locking myself out at gas stations, RV parks, home, or work…especially after hours…waiting on building security or worse, your boss.  I keep out myself more than I’ve EVER kept out robbers, salesmen, or nosy family members.  And some damn windows, always the lowest ones, are indeed impenetrable!

And then there are those weeks when Murphy is having a fricking July 4th gag-party with me with fireworks and Tchaikovsky playing.  During those times with my glum face of defeat, I’ve played this song at least 30-times…

Do you have a Murphy’s war story to share?  Rather than laughing at myself I would love to laugh at someone else for a change…please!


(paragraph break)

P.S.  Once I’ve passed through this temporary off-kilter wacky phase I’m in, I will quickly return to my other pleasures and perspectives of social-lifestyles, history, humor, science, religious intolerances, etc.  Thank you all for your patience.  I am more than ready to be rid of Murphy and his menacing jokers, believe me!

(paragraph break)

Live Laugh Love

(paragraph break)

Creative Commons License
This work by Professor Taboo is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at https://professortaboo.wordpress.com.