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Oh my, my. What an awkward spot to find ones self in. If I’m understanding the facts, four people, no pre-planning, not real discussion and two virtual BDSM novices? Yeah… I definitely would’ve spent a lot of time putting forth safety precautions and explaining potential situations to ensure no misunderstandings. Honestly, even if V-man hadn’t bailed early, I don’t think I would’ve pursued anything of a sexual nature except in the most vanilla of fashions because I wouldn’t want any possibility for harm or misunderstanding.
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So glad you commented Kitt; thank you! I value your perspective. 🙂
Taking the slow approach with perhaps some gentle non-vanilla moments thrown in, huh? Can you share any experiences from “novices” you know who found themselves in similar situations? Was the “Dom/Top” a Master or expert? What sort of negative reactions might happen? What about positive ones?
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Unfortunately, most recently the stories have not been from experts. It’s been the scary down side to playing with people who take advantage or don’t know/understand/respect the rules. As it happens, I had recently asked one of the book/discussion groups about their experiences with bondage:
1st story-
The closest I ever came was when I was nineteen. We were at a rodeo, and had been drinking. I sort of semi passed out in my hotel room….we were traveling…college rodeo. When I came to, the guy I was seeing but had not been intimate with had one of my hands tied to the bed with a lead rope. I went nuts! I got lose, easily, and used that leather lead rope on him. I beat the shit out of him. So. I have known from a fairly young age that restraints would never work for me. I never dated him again, either.
2nd story-
Any time I feel like I’m being topped in any way I get a bit on edge, but I love the submission of it. I always knew if I could find a man who could handle me I’d fall head over heels. As for choking… Once a guy choked me and I passed out, and I didn’t know that was the plan. When it happened I didn’t even realize. When i woke up I thought I’d fallen asleep…. Out of boredom lol. When I realized what happened I was scared and turned on. Haven’t done that again, but I’ve always liked a strong hold.And had I’d known that was gonna happen, I would have said no. As it was, the guy never got any from me again. He went about it all wrong, but claimed it was an accident. Idk. But the heavy hand part got me hot when it was happening. Afterward when he admitted I wasn’t actuallybbored (lol) but purposely passed out I was pissed. And later in privacy, kind of like ‘hmmmm, well, I’ve done it now’ in a weird way.
3rd story is a bit better and with an experienced top she calls her “Daddy”, so obviously a Master- (talking about hands on neck/throat area)
Like I said before anyone else it sets off my trigger and I start shaking. When its over I want to kick there ass. Daddy is fine but he has earned that trust after 8 years together. Yeah I am angry after I get control back but when it is happening I am a scared little girl. I’m lucky last time it happened Daddy was right next to me and I felt his hand on my back and it helped ground me.
Is this what you had in mind when you asked? You can see where lack of preparation and setting expectations can be severely disastrous. (Especially not discussing potential triggers)
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Yes Kitt, that is exactly what I was asking for! Your 3 stories represent the majority of novices or those curious & dabble in BDSM naively. And what I’ve noticed more often than not when hearing about or discussing these scenarios with subs, bottoms, or Switches are the consistent LACK of experience and education/mentoring of male Doms/Tops! Men who proclaim themselves as Doms/Masters (grossly mistaking Domineering as being a Dom!) seem to have hangups with admitting their naivety of the “art” at the severe risk of their partner! Is it an ego/pride issue?
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Kitt,
I have virtually no experience in the single world of BDSM but I would tend to agree with making it a vanilla evening or maybe what I would consider a vanilla with a twist!
kindest regards,
Mr Fox
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Thank you. The Professor and I have gotten to be old friends thanks to these sorts of discussions. A mutual friend once told me she thought I might find him ‘entertaining’ to read, and she was right.
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Professor Taboo,
I am really enjoying the story that you have written so far… I feel as though I am there, part of the story!
Mr Fox
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