What’s Going On?

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It has been quite some time since I’ve had a bit of free time to draft and publish a blog-post. Why is that you ask? Well, several reasons to be honest. One right now, this morning, I’m somewhat free because Mom, who is now into Early Alzheimer’s Disease stayed up until at least 4:30am last night. This typically means she sleeps until 1pm–3pm. Hence, I am currently semi-uninterrupted by her and her frequent needs. As such I can operate around the house and free from her same questions of me several times throughout the day and night. 🙂 Reason #1.

I’ve had to put Mom on a “12 Questions Only” limitation per day/night! Otherwise, the Brainiac Answers Store would be technically open 18-hours a day. Ugh.

A second reason is due to Mom’s gradual decline over the last 3-years and noticeably so the last 4-6 months and my tasks, chores, and managing ALL of her financial and business affairs, her daily-nightly meds, her two meals a day/evening, including healthy gourmet dishes and recipes I prepare each day and have been over the last 1,316 days, usually takes up most 12–14 hours of my days and nights. Yes, I am a one man Dog & Pony Show day in and day out. Not much free time to blog.

The sign that goes up on my bedroom door or in the living room when Mom has used up her quota limitation of 12 Q’s 😉

The most critical reason I have not been able to blog for awhile is twofold:

  • 1) Since February 2024 my sister (well, not so much my sister) and I were trying to transition my Mom into an Assisted Living Memory Care facility in Kerrville by the end of July this year. The months of April, May, June, and early July were a literal high-stress, high-anxiety 3 1/2 months for me beyond anything I’ve had to handle all my life.
    • I was having to handle Mom’s second laborious Texas Medicaid application to assist her with the high exuberant costs of modern elderly dementia healthcare. Anyone who’s familiar with Medicaid apps knows what a prolonged nightmare the process becomes. To say too much detailed personal information is a gross understatement.
    • I was having to handle the transfer of vehicle titles (three in Mom’s name) over to myself—two Toyotas to me—and one Dodge to my sister which Mom years earlier had bought for her. Why was this a must? Texas Medicaid considers all property as a wealth asset to eventually deny applicants if the assets are too much, like $1,500 total. Ridiculous! This was a lengthy process, especially when the state’s Tax Assessor computer network frequently went down. 😡 Naturally, she “gifted” for free these two Toyotas to me because she absolutely cannot make any profits on the sales; it would disqualify her Medicaid app immediately.
    • I was handling the search for an above-average to great ALMC facility that wasn’t above $4,700/mon and would accept Medicare and Medicaid. A very tough ask here in rural Texas. Most good-to-great nursing facilities are $5,200–$7,000 per month and rising every year in the Texas Hill Country, and sadly we live in a very wealthy Kerr County. Many wealthy retirees here and thus it is a HUGE revenue market for private geriatric retirement homes, apartments, and nursing-rehab facilities. None of which accept Medicare or Medicaid. Incredibly frustrating.
    • I was still handling all the daily house chores, particularly non-stop kitchen cleaning—Mom won’t clean up after herself—healthy gourmet meal preparations, her doctor appointments and prescription refills, her morning and evening meds consumption at correct times of the day/evening, as mentioned her entire finances, bill payments, etc., including monthly fights with her retirement health coverage through ExxonMobil Service Benefits who royally fucked up her payments account while transitioning onto a newer, “improved” website platform. They informed us after their massive screw-up that we owed them $787+ in missed payments from the previous two years 2022–2023 due immediately! 🤬 Needless to say, there was no way in hell we could come up with $787+ to keep her ExxonMobil Health Benefits with Aetna. We were already struggling bad to make ends meet after the previous 2-3 years of hyper-inflation and corporate America gouging us at every opportunity! I also had to manage Mom’s Long-Term Care Insurance policy premiums—$471 quarterly—that she would absolutely NEED at a ALMC facility. To make matters worse, Mom’s Social Security Benefits only barely kept us afloat! Then to make that worse, she received too much SSI benefits to qualify for Medicaid! Incredibly infuriating. 😡
  • 2) All this heavy stress, anxiety, and overwhelming busy days for 1,316 days, the last 3 1/2 months the absolute worst, fighting constantly corporate America… has all taken a major toll on my own health as a one-man show Caretaker. On June 23rd, 2024, at 11:35pm I was taken by ambulance to the ER and hospitalized for four nights as I was having troubled labored breathing, zero strength, and becoming incoherent. My long-time nurse friend up in Dallas, TX told me I was on my way to having a stroke. See image below.

At first, this above bill was over $15,000+. I have seven other bills from doctors, laboratories, and the EMT ambulance bill all totaling over $21,500 on top of my more frequent PCP follow-up doctor visits, and now my new cardiologist bill because I now have tachycardia and AFib of the heart. 😔

One thing that is not obvious above, my last 4-years, particularly in April, May, June and early July, of being Mom’s full-time, overtime Caretaker for 14-18 hours per day/night is my increased alcohol consumption to keep my sanity. It has been my self-medication to stay relaxed. Also, due to my inability to stay in Dallas long-term—always having to move back down to help my mother and 48+ year addict/psych sister—has pushed me into chronic depression, now major depression. Enter escitalopram, in addition to my other prescription meds over the years: amlodipine, lisinopril, atorvastatin, and now blood-thinner med.

So there you have it, my last 4-months and 3-years here in small rural, redneck Kerrville, Texas, not having or able to have (yet) my own fun happy life in Dallas. By the way, due to Mom and I selling her large ranchita home here in December 2019 for over $535,700, she was quickly disqualified for Medicaid assistance for 2024 in August. Utterly exhausting and disheartening after several months of work toward Mom’s transition into a good ALMC facility. My plans to return to Dallas, Texas have been postponed until August 2025. 🤦‍♂️

There is much more I have left out here, not the least of which has been my sister’s 4-5 drug relapses since I moved back down here in August 2021. I’m not going into how badly that effects Mom, and frustrates the living fire out of me. Since I’ve returned home from hospital, she rarely comes around anymore to see Mom or help me out, which she asked me this question back at the end of June, “Dwain, what can we do to keep you from being hospitalized again?” My answer was fast: I need more of your help here with Mom and the constant chores. It is all way too much for me without any help from Mom.

She has done the exact opposite of what I asked from her. Hardly ever around.

Live Well – Love Much – Laugh Often – Learn Always

The Professor’s Convatorium © 2023 by Professor Taboo is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0 

25 thoughts on “What’s Going On?”

  1. Man, Prof! I’m so sorry about all of this with your mom, sister and your own health. I’ve a hard enough time just dealing with my own health crap and insurance. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you. I truly hope things can somehow improve for you. Thanks for the update about what you’re dealing with. Keep telling n touch, prof. I wish there was more I could do or say.

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  2. Reading this I’m afraid anything I may write may come across as pithy.

    So I’ll just commend you on your fortitude and hope you remember that if you ‘peg it’ you are no good to anyone

    There are times when you have to be more than a little selfish.

    Look after yourself, Dwain.

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    • I hear ya Doug. You are absolutely correct about needing to be “selfish” sometimes/often in order to maintain our own healthy, happy lifestyle. I want the freedom to do that so badly. But alas, Mom is a HUGE reason I had such a terrific collegiate then pro and semi-pro footballing career. Caring for her—cuz there is NO ONE else to do it reliably—these last 8-10 years is a no-brainer for me. It is what it is when you are a one man show. 🤷‍♂️ Not even Mom’s two super Christian grandchildren ever call to check on her, much less come visit her. 😡

      The hospitalization scared the EFF out of my sister, and less so my Mom… for 2-3 days. Then Mom forgot I was ever in the ER and hospital. 😄

      Thank you Doug for your continued cyber friendship. You may not know just how much it helps me. 😁

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    • Yes, you’re spot on Nan. I decided that previous Friday afternoon June 21st that even though I was totally out of alcohol and Mom was away on her regular 5-night Medicare Respite (for my sanity), my lower back and bad sacroiliitis (soccer/football) was killing me, I was not going to the liquor store all weekend. I wanted to stop consuming so much anyway, or quit.

      Well, stupid me didn’t realize that by going cold turkey for essentially 48+ hours, along with the panic-anxiety attack, hyper-tension, tachycardia, developing AFib, and all the other situational causes, would make me nearly incapacitated. 😬 I very well may not be here had my sister not randomly woke up around 12am, checked her phone, then called me right back. She immediately knew I was in very, VERY bad shape and called 9-1-1 for me. I could not even dial 9-1-1 myself and couldn’t get out the door to a nice, close neighbor and get her help—I had ZERO strength. And no appetite for 3-5 months.

      Lesson learned, of course. However, my environment has not changed one iota. If anything, its a bit worse now that sister has essentially disappeared.

      Thank you so much Nan for your sentiments and comment Ma’am. 🥰

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  4. Only in America, the exceptional country full of exceptional people.

    All of the civilized countries have socialized medicine. So do we, but only for the elderly, politicians and active duty military.

    I am one of the elderly on Medicare and I am often baffled by the paperwork, even though I have a graduate college degree. Recently, I had an early morning trip to the emergency room (we drove rather than called for an EMT, because last time we found out Medicare in my state doesn’t cover ambulances and we were out of pocket $2300 for a short, one way, seven block ride in a ambulance.

    The treatment I got was possibly life saving, so I guess I would have been willing to pay up, but basically I got a bladder catheter inserted and not much else. The bill came to $4400 and change. My cut turned out to be $145. If we had socialized medicine, true socialized medicine, it would have been cheaper because none of the “insurance companies’ would be skimming of “a taste” and the paperwork much less. Medicare reports a 3% overhead, far below what insurance companies think is their due.

    It would be nice if we actually got Medicare for All or some other iteration. There is evidence and studies galore to help policy architects build a good system. Maybe the Trumpites get crushed in November, the Democrats will find their balls (Kamala has a pair, for sure), and actually do something useful for all of us rather than just their donors.

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    • Steve … a bit off-topic from PT’s post, but here in Oregon there is a outfit called FireMed, an emergency medical service. You pay a modest annual fee and ambulance service to your local hospital/clinic is covered. They also offer additional coverage if the patient must be transported by helicopter. Maybe you have something similar in Chicago?

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    • Steve, my man, I SO effin relate to the medical system here in Texas and in the USA. The costs are so freakin’ high, especially for “No Insurance” patients, that for the last 2-decades I have avoided expensive doctor visits, pre-treatment to all of my conditions and ailments, like the plague. I simply did not have the money to spare even for Obama Care! 😞

      Now, this $21,500+ medical debt is more than enough—over the next 10-20 years—to put me right back in the hospital. 😄

      Thanks for your comment Steve. Take care of yourself.

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  5. Wish I could send you a warm hug and cup of cocoa. This is a stressful time, but one day you will look back on this and say — hey, I survived that! I hope you have some outside support in Kerrville. Hill Country is very beautiful. Is it possible to get someone from Care.com to watch your mom for you so you can get a break?

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  6. Oh Prof. You are a saint if saints exist.

    So the ‘land of the free’ isn’t quite so free. I am stunned and shocked at those $$$ you have mentioned. Our system is pretty bad but a walk in the park to what you are going through. Mrs H had to get her last relatives homed so we know the hassle. Sadly they didn’t last long. If we fall ill over here we have the NHS, so no nasty bills, paid all our working lives towards old age.

    Try and chill (yeah easier said than done). We all want you around to keep exchanging banter!

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    • Thank you so much Brian for your sentiments. ❣️🙏

      I often tell people around here that are in similar hard times both financially and with their physical and medical health problems that the U.S. and especially Texas is…

      A DIY (Do It Yourself) nation/state until you’re 125!

      Because that is truly how it is now for our struggling middle-classes between the ages of 50–95. Imagine what it is like for the disadvantaged and impoverished here. 😣😟 And Brian, the radical Right here in federal and state congresses have been trying for YEARS to dissolve or do away with Social Security—i.e. our version of your NHS which has always been lacking and insufficient. SSI never keeps up with normal inflation, much less hyper-inflation.

      Addendum — Also Brian, one reason our SSI has been in decline over the decades is because U.S. millionaires, billionaires, and trillionaires that retired in 1958ish to the present day are still collecting monthly their $100,000–$1,000,000 Social Security checks while ALSO living off their own wealthy private pensions, retirement portfolios, dividends, etc, et al, which FAR exceed their SSI benefits. Almost as if they are still earning profits while not working. 😠

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  7. We are watching a similar situation in our own family. My son in law’s mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about 3 years ago and only went downhill from there. Unlike your situation there is plenty of family helping but it was still extremely difficult journey. We were able to fix up and sell the house and got her into a care community two weeks ago. Turns out it wasn’t Alzheimer’s. Apparently she has been having small strokes for years. In addition to the brain damage they caused significant organ damage throughout her body and Monday she entered hospice care. Watching my son in law at this stage is devastating. I’m afraid! You must find someone! I don’t believe that a man can absorb the blow that is incoming alone. I’m a twelve stepper without being a “real” alcoholic. Please believe me when I tell you that the AA community will help and you don’t have to be one to access this resource. https://sober.com/aa-meetings/texas/kerrville/

    I’m selfish. Don’t do it for yourself do it for me. You haven’t even heard MY story yet. Feelings are not reality YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

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  8. From ryinger77 over on Jill’s blog. For some reason his comment below wouldn’t take here. No clue as to why other than WordPress’ obsession with tweaking and twiddling constantly with their platform to make us frustrated. 😒 Grrr. ryinger77’s comment:

    I have been contemplating this reply and this is not it. 🤣 I just finished a reply to your situation update. It didn’t seem to get through. This type of human helped me. You don’t have to be one to receive help. https://sober.com/aa-meetings/texas/kerrville/

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    • Thank you Richard for your comment in Ohio (Jill’s residence) that eventually reached me in rural Hill Country Texas, where Everything Is Bigger In Texas… particularly our many, multiple military guns/weapons and our audacious egos! Pffft. 🙄😉

      I’ll checkout that link. Btw, another update since returning from hospital. My hospitalization was not purely caused by alcohol withdrawals. It was several factors over several years leading up to the near stroke. If you’ve ever heard of Dual-Diagnosis Units in Psych/A&D inpatient hospitals—of which I spent over 3-yrs employed as an Intake Coordinator (clinical & financial assessor) while working on my Master’s Degree—then it is well established in the Psych/A&D field that alcoholism is NEVER the sole cause of a person’s chronic distress and familial-occupational disasters. This was without question my circumstances and my negative environment here surrounding me 24/7, 365 days a year for the last 3-yrs now going on 4-yrs. For example, compare the social-entertainment, economic, occupational, and average levels of education acquired of Dallas (TX) metropolitan residents (approx over 8.1 million people as of March 2024) to rural, tiny by comparison, Kerrville (TX) at approx 32,000 residents. They two Richard are SO FAR APART it would astound you, believe me. I’ve lived the majority of my life in Dallas and the differences are stark and palpable for sure.

      IOW’s, for someone of my background, education-level, and world wide experiences due to professional and semi-pro soccer, there is very VERY little for me to do in Kerrville even when I DO get an hour or two free from my Mom’s full-time/overtime care. 🤷‍♂️ This has played a huge role in my mental and physical health decline. The alcohol was just one self-medicating easy assist to get by and thru the hard days/nights.

      Now, my further good news update.

      I now only consume MAYBE two cocktails per week, if I do that at all. Perhaps 2-3 beers or glasses of red wine a week IF it compliments the meal I’ve prepared, like Mexican or Mediterranean cuisines. 😁 I have never been a fan of beer. This is a HUGE cut-back from 4-5 cocktails per afternoon/night for 2 1/2 to 3 years. And Richard, the more I keep this healthy lifestyle change, the better I feel and the healthier I am… all things considered. 😄

      There’s one massive thing that has not changed. It has actually gotten worse…

      Now I get no help whatsoever with Mom and her independent living apartment from my sister. And Mom certainly has not improved (and will not) with her Early Alzheimer’s.

      Therefore, once again my environment has not improved one iota, but in fact is harder now and will be until at least Aug. 1st, 2025. This lack of improvement and relief in my current circumstance is analogous to addicts avoiding bars, pubs, liquor stores, or street corners or drug houses—they change their environment & social network to remain healthy, or so the “treatment plan” demands. This is my biggest struggle.

      Anyway, that’s my partially positive news update Richard. 😉

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      • We are undergoing a similar situation here ATM but thankfully without your social isolation. Our dear friend and son-in-law’s mom, Chris went into Alzheimer’s care and was found to have been severely damaged in mind and body with mini strokes and has entered into hospice. Like my son you probably think the gun is pointed at your mom. IT IS AIMED AT YOU. I know many strong men, I also know the force of the blow about to hit. It is extremely difficult to absorb alone. I too am in nominal control of my addictions. AA does not require addiction. It is a care community that can and will help. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Please reach out a hand. We all need you. If they only help you hold on for a single second longer it might be the second that matters. Please Professor I am afraid!

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          • The sports culture encourages individual strength and self sufficiency. What fate awaits your mother if you are no longer able to fight? Asking for help is not weak but the opposite. How often have we seen that in saving others we save ourselves? Allowing someone to help might be the turn that saves the help.

            I only mention AA as it is the organization I am familiar with that I know operates in Kerrville.

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            • Thank you again Richard. 🙏 Your sports culture analogy is well taken and you are right.

              On the subject of asking for help, believe it or not I really have asked multiple times the last 2-3 years; not just from my sister, my Mom (when she’s able, which is rare), my sister’s and Mom’s long-time close friends in Kerrville, AND from several local organizations and businesses in Hospice Caretaking or Elderly Dementia Assistance. Many many phone calls have I made to these agencies… all the way down to San Antonio to Fredericksburg too. The fact that Mom lives where she lives (rural small Kerrville) is a BIG hindrance in these efforts. Furthermore, those long-time close friends I mentioned all have very busy work schedules and other obligations. One wonderful friend does come out to our place for 4-5 hours to visit with Mom and I about once a month or every other month. However, out of about 7-10 friends locally my sister and Mom have here, that’s it. The others cannot.

              Kerrville residents are for the most part just two-types: 1) very wealthy retirees or very elderly geriatric. And 2) Blue-collar cowboy/cowgirl workers in construction and repair, ranching, mechanics, and fast driving beer-drinking hooligans. I kid you not. It is indeed deeply Trump country here. Richard, I have even tried about 4-5 nearby agencies/groups that MIGHT pay me a wage for what I do for Mom. But no cigar buddy; relatives cannot be paid to be caretakers, by the state or my Mom’s Long-Term Care insurance company. Already went through hoops with all that last year and year before.

              My sister is already in 2-3 AA groups in the area so that has been mentioned last July. But that honestly is not what I need most. I need regular consistent respites from Mom and all my duties at LEAST once a week for 2-3 hours minimum, THEN a regular consistent Respite Care for Mom for 5-nights while I reinvigorate. The latter does happen, however, the former does not and has not since Aug. 2021. 🤷‍♂️ Bottom-line? Geographically I am in a very hard, bad place. Period.

              Addendum — There’s a very huge, perfect reason why Texas is only ranked #29 overall in best U.S. states to live. However, for healthcare and labor-business opportunities, Texas is ranked #31 and #48 respectively. And this dismal record has been dismal—either in the bottom-half or bottom-third of the nation in most all categories of decent, acceptable living for families—for the last 15-25 years. See my source link below.

              https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/texas

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            • I apologize. I had forgotten what it is like to live in some of Americas backwoods. I shall ponder anew. I know you are focused on your mom but I am also worried for you.

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