Build for Life, Not for Fixes

Posted on October 17, 2015 by Professor Taboo

My previous post was a bit of a fumbling crash-test-dummy wreck. After four long days of intensive care, in quadriplegic static-slings (in stasis?) and frequent bed-pans, I begin my rehabilitation in this way. Luckily, perhaps miraculously, I had a wonderful female human being, who despite my masculine Homo erectus “verbage” — I think she called it, but repeatedly with an odd angry French accent — she foolishly remains my friend and offered this TEDxAmericanRiviera video that literally explains to my kind… “what it’s all about.” Even better, the presentation is by a woman who knows something about it.

As prescribed, I watched so intently the highly impatient German nurses kept giving me eye-drops while grumbling what I couldn’t quite make out was “Nicht-Augentropfen, aber Fett Einlauf in den Arsch!” If I’m honest, it sounded a little frightening. Does anyone have that translation?

Without further babbling, I present Sheila Kelley…

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The proverbial light-bulb — admittedly more like a flickering miniature Xmas-light — lit up bright, and shown through various unmentionable orifices cared for by my German nurses… it was truly an Ah HAH painful moment, but with one minor tweak I would offer. It is this: instead of the exact quote from Joseph Campbell, I’d perhaps say…

“Woman is life and Man is the servant of life.
The Male’s job is to protect [that service
so that Woman may freely give more life.]”

— currently, Professor Baboon

You see, some/many women can protect themselves quite well. There’s no need for us men to prematurely step-in, unless she asks us to do so. Then the VALUE of collaboration, protection, service, all varieties of love, and the culturing between Woman and Man that Sheila Kelley is urging, is increased exponentially as BOTH are more empowered equally. Well, at least that’s my take to her fantastic presentation.

My dear female rescuer then sent me on my way with a reminder, “Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the “Y” becomes silent. And we are excellent housekeepers. Every time we get a divorce, we keep the house.” I believe she called that The V Empowered. She said one day I’ll understand, if I don’t real soon.

Addendum — I’ve since realized that I should have clearly indicated in my last paragraph (above) that we/my friend and I, were joking-about/mocking local social norms; i.e. not uber serious and purely between the two of us, laughing about my own personal history with women/ex-wives and by default my neophyte entry into sexism vs. feminism. I see now she was comfortable with/about me to do that but may not have done it publicly with strangers — one man who you know pretty well, versus several unknown men and women. But I don’t know now if that was the case. I do see today how my last paragraph could easily be taken offensively by those who were not present. My sincere apologies.

Live Well — Love Much — Laugh Often — Learn Always

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Addendum #2 — My blogging-buddy Swarn, at Cloak Unfurled, has given me permission to link his outstanding, poignant, gut-wrenching TRUE post, “The Long Silencing of Women“. I felt it was an excellent addition/temporary-conclusion to this, my crude male attempt on the subject of Feminism-Sexism. He agreed. Many thanks Swarn! It is well worth the read.

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Imagine For A Minute

Posted on October 13, 2015 by Professor Taboo

I am temporarily stepping away from my current blog-series “Untapped Worlds” to write about a well-known touchy, deservedly sensitive subject. I think it is a very important subject and I want to present a variation of it to my male audience.

* * * * * * * * * *

The Aston Martin Rapide

Imagine for a minute Sir, you are at home — your home that you have constructed or refurbished or added-on by your hard-earned money — enjoying your comfortable couch or recliner in front of your 110-inch flat-panel HDTV with stereo surround-sound. In back…your quality-landscaped swimming pool and backyard with multi-level BBQ grill and pit. Behind there, your very own workshop/garage complete with a mechanic’s and carpenter’s dream inventory of high-end tools. Inside the three-door garage/workshop, your very own Bugatti Veyron or Aston Martin.

Up in your bedroom closet, complete sets of high-end business suits, a tuxedo for annual charity balls, 3 or 4 sets of the best men’s dress and casual shoes that money can buy, dress-ties and so on. Obviously, this type of living, home, and possessions are indicative of your wealthy salary: $200k – $500k per year or more? If I’ve forgotten any other lavishing items, please add them to your imaginative picture for a minute.

Then you hear some laughing outside in the back. A big splash soon follows. Then smoke slowly moves across your 8-windowed back living room wall that offers a spectacular vista into your luscious oasis around the pool and 1-acre lawn — the smoke is coming from your BBQ pit. No one is home but you; your fabulous wife of 17-years is out for the day with your 3 children! You quickly walk out the backdoor to find complete strangers using and obviously enjoying all your backyard amenities. How would feel? How would you react?

Or what about another scenario. Imagine for a minute you have been out to a nice upscale 5-star restaurant with valet parking. After 2-3 hours of superb cuisine you and your wife decide to leave, walk out to the valet-station to have your Aston Martin brought up, and the Supervisor tells you and your wife, you must wait…wait for 10-15 minutes because four other valets just HAD to take your phenomenal wheels out for a spin themselves. How would you feel? How would you react?

Here’s another scenario. Imagine for a minute you’ve allowed some of your college frat buddies to come over to your palatial home to hangout, drink, and watch a game against your bitter college rivals. A few hours later you notice one of the guys is wearing one of your expensive dress shirts as well as some of your expensive jewelry and watch! Another buddy has found your basement wine cellar and popped-open one of your vintage bottles of wine, or best MacAllan scotch, and neither were upstairs on the kitchen counter with the cooler of beer! How would you feel? How would you react?

Men, I could come up with many more scenarios with your workshop tools, or even precious family heirlooms, or irreplaceable photos, but I hope you’re getting the idea.

What It Feels Like?

The above scenarios I have just described are pretty much how it feels to a woman when she is inappropriately spoken to, inappropriately touched or “grazed,” or sexually harassed by a man lacking proper gentleman’s etiquette, let alone ignoring common above-average respect for a woman. It is uninvited. Period. Some of the time the circumstances MIGHT be grey, vague, or appear grey/vague to YOU, but if there’s any level of uncertainty, what is your best course of action preserving her dignity? Are you aware of your own, how it appears?

When I’ve talked about these types of awkward or inappropriate situations, “violated” is one word I’ve heard women describe most to me. There is very little difference (if any at all) in their feelings of insult than what WE MEN might feel about our “precious stuff” at home or at our jobs. Get the picture?

I bring this subject up because I’ve encountered many men (particularly in the U.S. south) who implicitly or explicitly view and speak of their girlfriend/spouse or women in general as property they’ve “bought” or trying to buy, and subsequently own the Title-Deed. Sadly, to continue the analogy, this behaviour and thinking is WORSE when a woman’s “Title-Deed” is available or unpurchased, on-the-market; i.e. unmarried.

Men, this mentality must change! In all its forms and subtleties, the barbarism must stop.

And for you/us chivalrous gentlemen out there, WE must have consistent courage to firmly, tactfully, and in prompt dignifying ways step-in when a woman’s dignity is being grossly disrespected. Otherwise, by sitting idly by you perpetuate the problem for future women…possibly for your own daughter(s) and grand-daughters.

Post-script — I welcome any suggestions or further comments/additions to this post from my female readers. Please feel free to share them with us.

Addendum — the comments below will show that my approach to this subject could’ve been better, but for the sake of the topic — from my subjective perspective — and honesty, I believe I am going to leave my original content alone and allow the discussions below to help out. I hope it is constructive.

Live Well — Laugh Often — Love Much — Learn Always

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MIA

Posted on July 15, 2015 by Professor Taboo

Where have I gone you ask? Let me see how to briefly answer 😉 without sacrificing the most relevant points while still making sense.

As the school year drew to an end and closed for the summer June 6th, I fully expected to have the free time to comfortably and earnestly blog. I was looking forward to completing about 2-3 posts per month! I have about eight posts started and outlined a dozen more topics I’m excited to get posted… in all of my categories.

But as I settled in my summer home in the Hill Country, my own wishes and plans went quickly out the window. Unless you’re an island unto yourself… life, family, and career sometimes have little regard for one’s petty personal desires. HAH!

Life

If I choose to keep writing my blog-posts, I will have only short 30-60 minute windows early early in the mornings when no one else is up. This is honestly a welcomed peaceful quite-time ritual: a wave of the flower garden’s watering-wand brings showers to Black-chinned hummingbirds, infrequently the Ruby-throated or Rufous hummingbirds, buzzing down darting in and out of the spray… often no more than 3-feet away from my nose. Four out of five of these mornings have the cool southerly or southwesterly breezes blowing through our hilltop oasis. As I’m writing this (and not outside) I notice our nearby roadrunner (Geococcyx californianus) family trots from one end of the yard to the other. This is the prelude of a day in nature’s front-row that is never the same from previous A.M. shows. This is the “life” I would give up if I were to focus on my blogging and all of you. Hmmm, the quandaries. 😉

Family

For two weeks I’ve had my 14-year old son with me. It has been great and rejuvenating rekindling our relationship, again. I haven’t seen him since Xmas 2014 and then before that Spring Break 2014. We talk on the phone biweekly, sometimes more. It isn’t the same though; touching, seeing each other’s expressions, hugging, mean so much more with more lasting impressions. But the landmass of Texas is more than huge — which did allow he and I to talk the drive back, and talk, and talk, and talk five hours, the entire return trip. However, despite that immeasurable profit, traveling expenses are higher when hotel rooms must be included with food and fuel costs. For the last 13-years I’m the one that must and has foot the entire bill if I want to see my children which has made visitations difficult.

The time with my son is precious and highly needed, if not at least for my sake and sanity. And my newly married 21-year old daughter and her husband came to visit last weekend for 2-nights, 3-days! You couldn’t chisel the smiles off my face I was so thrilled! As I wrote a couple of months ago in my post And It Begins, my relationship with my daughter was put on hold 13-years ago when she, her brother, mother and step-father moved from the DFW area to Houston. My face-to-face time with my kids becomes, has become even more priceless. This is the current positive side of “Family.”

I was not told that my sister — an addict, recovering & relapsing the last 35+ years NEEDING to be either in a halfway house or inpatient dual-diagnosis hospital — moved into my mother’s home last December. I am not going to go into the many problems this lumps onto my widowed mother of 76-years living in her 3,000 sq. ft. ranchita on 13-acres and all the daily weekly chores, tasks, and projects a property that size requires… FROM RELIABLE helpers/workers/family members!!! I guess I did go into it a little detail, huh? This is why my Mom never told me she moved in. Instead of being upset and irate last winter, now I’m even more upset and irate when upon my arrival I assessed and determined how horribly behind all the chores, tasks, and projects have fallen and some not even started the last 7-months! Yet, that’s not all of it!

She wants to put on the market and sell the house and property by the end of August… of 2015! *large exhale*

Wonderful, beautiful, fun, responsible family! 🙂

Unreliable, unpredictable, over-weight & smoking, clinically depressed family in dire need of professional help, not resort accommodations! 😦

Family.

Career

The last two years the Texas Board of Education along with their conservative legislative constituents in Austin, will have their specialized curriculums implemented this 2015-16 school year. The most significant changes in the state-wide curriculum will be in the science and social studies/history textbooks and standards (visit New Texas Curriculum Standards and New BOE Chairman for more info).

The Professor’s circus will return!

These social conservative changes force me to reevaluate my personal conviction of “let the PARENTS aid their children in deciding religious and political debates.” My job responsibility is to offer the various perspectives, that information and data, monitoring student’s performance and proper objectivity. Unfortunately, now that the Texas GOP remains in office with more conservatives seated in our state Congress along with continued conservatives appointed on the Board of Education, as a Freethinking Humanist my convictions and conscience are increasingly challenged putting my performance-reviews further under the microscope by my supervisors and superiors. It doesn’t help either that I’m only a 5-year experienced teacher… easily replaced by a biased Christian-conservative teacher with 10-15 years experience. This past spring I’ve begun considering a career change, more like a career return to the psych/A&D field of therapy, crisis management, and guidance. In 1989-91 I was in the field and doing exceptionally well.

Hence, the tedious, enormous task of job-searching begins simultaneously with everything mentioned above. HAH!

What It All Means

It means simply my enjoyment of writing and blogging will be suspended, or very infrequent until further notice. It has taken me almost 2-weeks just to finish this post! I know all of you are crying and mourning my absence and thought-provoking posts. It is hard, I know. I’m sorry. But this shall one day pass. 😉

Meanwhile, please feel free to read and/or visit my other posts, both old and recent. Comment if you’d like. I will log-in two or three times a week to check for new comments and suggestions for my Us and Them page.

Until then…

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Live Well — Love Much — Laugh Often — Learn Always

And It Begins

Posted on May 28, 2015 by Professor Taboo

“Let’s not mention grandchildren right now. I’m only just grasping that my little Tori married her middle school Sweetheart!” I replied to my new father-in-law.

Holy Sh*t! I could soon be a grandfather! Noooooooo! This does not make me feel invigorated, or young, or ready. Her mother and I didn’t marry until I was 35-years old and she 25-years old. Why, why, why did she start two months into 21!? Her new husband is only 22! Who in their right mind thinks they’re truly ready for marriage so young? Really?

Then I met and spent time with the groom’s parents and family… and the laughter almost never stopped.

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Rewind Several Months and Hours

Over Spring Break 2014 my daughter and son were with me and my family. What we all suspected was confirmed by Tori: she and Riley would indeed marry in May 2016 after they both finished undergraduate studies and received their Bachelor’s degrees. Everyone thought it a very good idea, especially me. I wanted to talk about so many things because I’ve essentially missed out on the majority of my daughter’s life due to our 2002 divorce and then their mother remarrying and moving over 300 miles away with both my daughter and son. I’ve missed out on 14-years to be exact, and counting. I had been LONG WAITING for the days she and I could become closer, talk more, without the subtle influences and distractions of her maternal family and religious fundamentalism. Now I must share her again and more. No, not what I had in mind!

But how does one compete with deep young love? How can I compete with a boy — now a man — who’s had my daughter’s heart since 10th grade? I am a little jealous. He has no idea how long I’ve been waiting for her! I raise my arms to the sky and let go a roar and scream that would make Tarzan cower!

Then the summer rolls around and SURPRISE! “We are getting married this May!” she tells me on the phone and everyone else. My jaw hits the table, my eyes bulge and I don’t breath. The very first thought that comes to mind as to WHY they feel they must rush it and push it up a year is… well, all of you are probably thinking the same thing I’m thinking.

She’s pregnant.

Tori begins to chuckle, “No Dad. I am not pregnant.” Whew! I didn’t even have to ask because given her mother, her father (me, not step-dad), and BOTH grandparents, out-of-wedlock babies run rampant in our families. Apparently we are all highly sexually energized and she has had this driven into her brain most of her life! 😮

Unplanned difficulty #1 avoided. Long exhale. Now for #2: I am so not ready for an expensive wedding a year earlier! I am a long-term but Substitute teacher working two other part-time jobs just to make ends meet! This is not going to develop well… for me. Traveling over 300-miles, lodging, meals, gas to and from, are not cheap especially on my meager wages. I’m stressed for the next several months, cutting more corners financially to save… somehow. I have no clue how.

Cats, Dogs, Cows, Elephants, and Even Whales!

Fast forward to May 22, 2015, the Friday before her wedding weekend. Not since around 1989-90 has north Texas — and many parts of the state — seen such record rainfall in a matter of hours and consecutive days. Getting 7″ to 10″ of heavy rain in two hours is unheard of in the annals of Texas weather. As I’m preparing for the trip down toward Houston, the local police and fire departments are explaining all the evacuation procedures for our park. Most all the lakes including the one I’m living on and near, are less than 1-foot from spilling over their dams. The river basin they pour and dump into runs all the way into downtown Dallas, beyond Houston, and into Galveston Bay on the Gulf of Mexico. My park, our RV park sits less than 1,500 feet from the banks of this river. Meteorologists are expecting the heavy storms to last until the following week. If I leave, I may return to a flooded out (or floated away) RV. I can’t miss my daughter’s wedding. I decide to go anyway. Saturday night is her (non?)rehearsal dinner.

My daughter in her wedding dress

The trip to Conroe is about three and a half hours down… down river that is. My ex-live-in-girlfriend, who spent much time with my kids when they still lived in the Dallas area, is also going with me. For the first two hours we drive in such heavy storms that I can’t see more than 45-yards in front of my car. To say it was raining cats and dogs is a gross understatement! The entire animal reserve was coming down on us, even sperm-whales! Yes, that was an intended family pun. The highway (I-45) is normally a 65-75mph speed limit. During three different long phases of the trip, we move no faster than 40mph. We left the DFW area at such a time as to allow us two to two-and-a-half hours to check-in, unpack, shower, and relax before the huge dinner. Two hours until the dinner begins, we are not even halfway there… still on the interstate. My wonderful ex-girlfriend/soul mate suggests calling my mother and we quickly shower and change in her room since their hotel is much closer to the restaurant. Fantastic idea!

With about 20-minutes to spare, we arrive at her hotel, unpack our suitcases, grab the key they left at the front desk, shower, change, pack our stuff BACK into our suitcases, run back out to the car, repack the trunk, then roll into the restaurant only 10-minutes late, somewhat dry and out of breath. My hands are sore from holding the steering wheel so tight. Simultaneously, my ex and I both say, “I need a DRINK!” We don’t mean water! We’ve had enough water for one full day. We’re about to devolve and grow ‘effin gills and fins!

The (Non)Rehearsal Dinner

My ex and I walk up to two rows of tables of 40 guests each. Our empty chairs are across from my Mom, her boyfriend, my sister, my paternal aunt and uncle, and next to the step-dad who is next to my ex-wife. Further down to my right is the maternal grandparents and two of the uncles and wives. To my left are cousins of the groom and their family. Everyone has started on drinks and appetizers. My daughter is the first one to stand and hug me. Her fiancé shakes my hand, they both hug and greet my ex-girlfriend. “I’m so glad you both made it!” she tells us. “We swam some of the way” I grinned. Then the groom’s father stands from across their table to shake my hand; we reaquaint ourselves from my daughter’s high school graduation three years earlier — in the back of our minds we’re thinking drinks, DRINKS please, as we smile and chat. He introduces his wife to my ex, they exchange greetings. We can’t seem to sit down just yet.

Then my son grabs me, gives me a huge hug “You two finally made it!” It seemed he had grown another inch or two since last Xmas. Ethan gives my ex a big hug too; he really liked her when we were together. My ex loved him immensely and missed them both. She too was amazed how tall he had gotten. We turn toward our chairs, but then face more family to greet and exchange formalities with — grumbling in my head, we still have no drinks. We can’t sit down to even order them. Meanwhile, everyone else seems to be on their second or third cocktail.

After we’ve said hello to all of my family, I turn to my kid’s step-dad and shake his hand hello. Quick and pleasant, like it should be. Now we finally get to sit! But there are no staff to take our drink orders because they are serving appetizers to everyone. My ex and I look at each other with crazy-eyes, “are you kidding?” as we both laugh. We’re both ready to steal drinks from family or guests gone to the bathrooms! Clubbing someone over the head is not out of the question either!

Minutes later I finally corner one of our waitresses and order four margaritas, two for both of us. When they arrived not soon enough, you would’ve thought we were inhaling the finest nectar on Earth as we moaned with pleasure. My ex leaned over and whispered “I want to gulp my down, but I don’t want to look like a lush or alcoholic!” I looked at her with this puzzled expression, “Don’t worry” I explained, “the divorced-in-laws (i.e. my ex-wife’s family) probably think we drink too much and have too much fun anyway. I’ll gulp if you’ll gulp!?” Ahhhh, we both smiled setting our glasses down. She whispered again to me, “Did you bring in the bottle of tequila?” If it wasn’t so big, I would have!

Though those were very stressful hours on the highway — what highway we could actually see — the drinks, dinner, conversation, and food were superb. Unless this post becomes 4 to 5,000 words long, I can’t go into detail of just how much we enjoyed the evening. Those two-and-a-half hours were a lot of fun, especially as the groom’s father moved around talking with everyone and making us all laugh. He encouraged us all night to order whatever our hearts desired. It was exactly what we needed after the boat-ride down in the USS Professor.

The Wedding Ceremony

Some of you who know me well know that my ex-wife, the step-father, and the maternal family are ultra-conservative evangelical Fundamentalists. The wedding ceremony and vows was most certainly going to be representative of my ex-wife’s beliefs and as such my daughter’s and how she was raised by her mother. My daughter by now may or may not have the full picture of how… how can I put this(?)… ~~over-bearing~~ “over-seeing” her maternal grandfather is and interjects his and his own family’s long-line of beliefs into her mother’s life as well as her own. But I knew preparing for this wedding she would get a more pronounced idea.

Yet, even I was amazed how super Fundy and overly-biblical the ceremony turned out to be. All sorts of Paulian theology and New Testament quotes were flowered into the marriage-ideals and vows as her maternal grandfather was the presiding minister. That surprised me greatly. I expected one of the staff members of her own church to do the honors! In hindsight, I can probably explain why the grandfather did it: he happily did it for free since the “biological father” couldn’t afford the expenses of the wedding. With equal reason(s) the evangelical Fundy beliefs had to be presented.

It was a VERY serious wedding. Fortunately, the reception afterwards was not as… stuffy? (wink) I have included a few pictures of the ceremony here because my daughter looked amazing! Her new husband Riley is also a big futebol/soccer fan. We always have tons to talk about when together. I like that! Score major points there Tori. 😉

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Groom’s Father and Family

Now I’ve reached the most pleasant, the most enjoyable and relaxing part of the wedding weekend: the groom’s father and family. Correction, the second most pleasant, enjoyable, relaxing part. Being with my daughter at her wedding and having my ex-girlfriend with me was clearly the first! But me and my Mom were wonderfully surprised by how much fun and how moderate the groom’s family turned out to be by comparisons. They knew how to have fun and laughed so easily!

They were all staying at the same hotel with my Mom, her boyfriend, my sister, and my aunt and uncle. Consequently, we had an opportunity to spend some time with them away from wedding-stuff and post-wedding. My Mom had the chance to spend much more time with them — my hotel was 30-minutes away in the next town, sadly. But we did manage to chat with them Sunday night.

As it turns out, my daughter’s in-laws are not so religious and serious. Or to put it another way, they are not so heavily convicted or obligated(?) to preach or “share the gospel of Good News” with everyone, especially sinners — which turns out to be good because me and my family are jovial “well-known” sinners. We were quickly drawn to them and as it also turned out, the groom’s father and my Mom’s boyfriend had a lot in common. Both of them grew up on the farm in the country. He up in the state of Iowa, my Mom’s boyfriend here in Texas. They both knew a lot about hunting, guns/rifles, and gutting, skinning, and cooking your kills. Listening to them all talk and laugh, I realized that they were just regular people who seemed not to care much about anyone’s religious beliefs or non-religious beliefs. It was so liberating to discover! For the last ten or more years I had assumed that my daughter, along with the close help of her mother and step-dad, would have to date a “like-minded” like-committed boy/man, especially to marry him. This may not be the case.

However, I can’t jump to certain conclusions, yet. As I’ve mentioned, I’ve missed out on the last 14-years of my daughter’s life. Riley’s personal beliefs and those of his family’s might be as hardcore as Tori’s mom and her family. They just didn’t show it over the weekend. Nevertheless, this was a fantastic start, from my perspective, for my daughter’s new life… and perhaps my future grandchildren.

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Above in the slideshow of wedding pictures, there is one with my son walking Tori down the aisle. That is when my eyes welled-up and I started sniffling. When she arrived up on stage, I had to wipe away one or two tears. Yes, as any father would say about his daughter at her wedding, she looked stunning. But not only do I mean it, but she truly does/did! She has inherited some great genes! Not only genes of beauty, but of high intellect too. Tori is indeed a fabulous ~~girl~~ woman and Riley, as well as his Dad, told me how lucky they feel to have her in the family.

Toward the end of the wedding reception, Tori was making her goodbye rounds before changing into their traveling/honeymoon clothes. We looked at each other, took deep breaths, smiled, and I told her…”And it begins.” I grabbed her and didn’t want to let go holding her for several lengthy seconds. I felt as if I might have to wait longer now. She chuckled at the thought of trying to escape me.

But then again, how long can a single, twice-divorced father hang on to his daughter when “a lifetime of love” awaits? What a strange funny thought. But for a husband and/or father, isn’t that life?

Live Well — Love Much — Laugh Often — Learn Always

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Blind Value

Posted on March 26, 2015 by Professor Taboo

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“In every adversity lies the seed of an equal or greater opportunity.”

– Napoleon Hill

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I had my ego handed to me on a skewer recently and soon politely stitched back together by some wonderful ladies. Though it was sometimes grimacing to read, hear, and own, getting rightly challenged is always a good life-lesson. Two worthy friendly intuitives were Victoria of Victoria NeuroNotes, and Ruth of Out From Under the Umbrella. Please take a few minutes to hop over and browse their excellent and provactive blogs.

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* * * * * * * * * *

The discussion and padded verbal wrestling was over a critical, rampant social problem that must be addressed and improved. What is the social problem you ask? Blatant and subtle sexism in our cultures.

A number of people shy away from controversial issues; disagreeing can be exhausting, no doubt. Many times we allow our natural emotional defenses to bow-up because let’s face it, being shaken or jolted from your comfort zone is not often thrilling. Yet, in contrast, would permanent stagnation be the best disposition in a world constantly morphing and changing with people morphing and changing to adapt, survive, and succeed? Not to me. For me stagnation is smelly-risky, and intellectually and spiritually monotonous. Luckily, utilizing weighted physical, mental, and emotional workouts makes us stronger and wiser. Unfortunately, in zero-gravity the human mind, body, and heart weakens and becomes feeble!

Voluntary Blindness

There is a term and practice in one of my alternative lifestyles called sensory deprivation. It is sometimes called perceptual isolation. Though in my mind there are correlations between pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey or hide-n-seek, with sensory deprivation used in S.S.C. BDSM, this post is not about the lifestyle; so bear with me a minute while I elaborate.

Basically, sensory deprivation is the deliberate reduction or removal of stimuli from one or more of the senses. Simple devices such as blindfolds or hoods and earmuffs can cut-off sight and hearing respectively, while more complex devices can also cut-off the sense of smell, touch, taste, thermoception (heat-sense), and ‘gravity’. Sensory deprivation has been used in various alternative medicines, as well as in psychological experiments (e.g., Google isolation tank).

Like it or not, sensory deprivation has tremendous human benefits! A big one has nothing to do with my alternative lifestyle and yet it is actually promoted, albeit indirectly, in several therapeutic fields and practices. Most knowledgeable people already recognize that when one of the five human senses is non-functioning, the other four and the brain try to compensate. The compensation by the vigorous working senses are typically proportional in counterbalancing the lost sense or senses. Occasionally that compensation goes beyond normal expectations and so offers an otherwise new unknown level of stimulus. The human body’s adaptability from crisis is an astonishing kinetic work of art or horror when it has (or doesn’t have) the proper time to adjust, create, or regenerate! Here is a question to consider…

Is sensory compensation much different in common daily social interaction, private or public?

Into the Wrestling Rink!

When I took my bumps and bruises from Ruth’s two blog-posts and comments, and Victoria’s triggered exception about my inappropriate (private and public) sexist comment to her, I got a sand-paper lesson in flirting etiquette! And no matter how much I attempted to prove my intended fictitious jesting and poking, I couldn’t change what had been written under the influence of… animated egomania. My emergency iodine applications turned out to be (ugh!) industrial-grade salt in her eyes and opened wound. What I needed was deflation. I NEEDED AND DESERVED MY REPRIMAND.

Listen men, more specifically heterosexual men, there is a clear and undeniable line, verbally and non-verbally, that you/we are NOT supposed to cross or violate. Period. But wait, there’s more! Even if she initially hints or invites the crossing of a cloudy grey-line, you are still completely responsible for everything you say or do in response as long as you both are alive, or Stage 3 Alzheimer’s sets in. 😉 Humor aside, do we grasp the full breath of what that means!? We cannot go back in time and change words and actions — human time-travel may NEVER be discovered — so it should go without saying! But hello, it needs repeating and it needs reinforced teaching until stuck and sticks permanently…

Consider and choose your words and actions very precisely.

In fact, become a Master and Gentleman of Impeccable Etiquette — start now! Sorry, we will never have the perpetual Get Out of Jail Free card.

In hindsight, I broke one of my/our cardinal rules in the lifestyle and didn’t even realize it until Victoria then Ruth called me on it. My nature, personality, and lifestyle-mantra of 25+ years has been/is to be acutely aware and in-tune with my woman’s present and future condition. To a different extent that is also true to female friends, and I effed it up.

To be a principled advocate and model of my lifestyles publicly, the last people I need to harm are polite innocent outsiders or guests. Like it or not, first impressions are important, perhaps massive. Plain and simple, first, second, third, and later impressions show your intended guest how much you respect and value them. In my emergency attempts to spit-n-polish my foyer, I became the bumbling ice-skater who fell flat on his face! Tah-dah!

Back to Voluntary Blindness!

Two of my most memorable, successful, soul-mate-bonding long-term romances started without sight of each other. In fact, for the first three months of romance #1 we did not lay eyes on each other. It helped that we lived over 300-miles apart and both VERY busy single parents. The second romance was 20-days without physically meeting. Sight deprivation caused our early relationship to under compensate the often human eye-of-distortion or optical illusions that can (and often) prematurely grip us too tight, while allowing the more enduring (more reliable?) remaining senses to over compensate, or heighten. We willingly forced ourselves to learn each other through listening and speaking only. Certain deprivations for an extended length of time pays huge dividends! I recommend it for all new romances; better yet, it might be ideal to start without any optical illusions, literally ~~and~~ then metaphorically.

Here is my little suggestion to shrink (pun intended) social sexism by men, particularly men who are ~~totally~~ typically visual-dependent…or should I say blinded? 😛

One clever way to redirect is by having a blind date, literally! Did you know that there are restaurants who serve a four-five course dinner for two in total darkness? Yep, you can’t even see your own hands! Opaque – Dinner in the Dark is one such experience. Think how many preconceived fears, expectations, and optical facades get eliminated. In the circus of modern romance that’s three major minefields, GONE! And imagine the quirky fun making a mess of things together. HAH! You two get ahead of the love-game! But don’t limit this novel idea to romantic couples only! The experience can be enjoyed by all type relations and dynamics!

In every small or big challenge lies the seed of equal or greater opportunity!

To wet your appetites and spark your courage, this movie clip is from About Time, the 2013 film which ranks in my all-time Top 5 (maybe top 3) best films ever! Aside from its cinematic value and profound storyline, this scene demonstrates in a normal public setting the fun and impact that optical deprivation can bring to a friendship or romance. Watch…

So…in the context of sexism, how well can sensory deprivation help you in blindly discovering and enhancing parts about someone outside of their physical appearance, or beyond optical illusions? Could the discoveries be positive? Negative? Both? Neither? What are some other positive deprivations? When might deprivations become negative?

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**For more darkside restaurants go here: Dining In The Dark: Top 10 Pitch Black Restaurants

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Live Well — Love Much — Laugh Often — Learn Always

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