Hallows Coming – Taboo

Posted on October 4, 2019 by Professor Taboo

Continuing Hallows theme of dark and fright, a jolt in my slumber this one heavy night.

∼ ∼ ∼ § ∼ ∼ ∼

It was in the middle of the night, about 3:00 AM on a Monday. I had been sleeping very well considering the last five days of severe stress from sudden, painful, unexpected family events. It hadn’t taken long for me to fall asleep. I was utterly drained, mentally and emotionally. Suddenly, something woke me, alarmed! I sat up in my bed fully awake and listening acutely for any noise, any motion, as if someone had broken in. I was sure someone, something jolted me up. But I couldn’t be certain, yet. Was I dreaming? Was it so real it forced me out of my sleep sitting straight up, fully conscious waiting for the burglar to make another noise? In those seconds I could have heard even the tiniest critter moving across the floor or in the kitchen or living room my senses were so sharp. Never in my life had I awakened like that in half a second, completely aware of myself and surroundings!

But I have started at the end of my Hallows story, five days later.

∼ ∼ ∼ § ∼ ∼ ∼

It is Wednesday evening, July 18, 1990. I had returned to my apartment in Jackson, MS from my workday. It wasn’t any extraordinary day. No one at the psych hospital had a Code Red. No emergency admissions by attempted suicide or court-ordered commitment, just a normal day. I was ready to relax, make dinner, and decompress. Then my phone rang.

On the other end (over 400 miles away) was my Mom bawling, upset that she struggled to say hello and begin telling me why she called. This is the first time in my life I have ever heard my Mom so upset she could barely speak and seemed to be near hyper-ventilation. My nerves, heart-rate, and perspiration rise quickly because I am so not prepared to hear what she is about to tell me. “Mom, take a deep breath” I tell her, “slow down, breathe…” however, in my mind I am not so sure I want her to gather herself to explain why she is calling in this manner. A few minutes pass when she calms herself enough to talk.

“I am leaving your Dad. I am moving out.” I lose my breath now. This is a blindsided blow to me. Not once in my childhood, adolescent, or teen years did I ever see or hear things so bad between them that Mom would apparently be forced out or have the need to move out, away from my Dad. Sure they had their differences like all married couples by their 28th year of marriage. Yes, they had their heated arguments, but those were so few and far between, at least as much as my sister and I could perceive. There were a handful of times they’d disappear behind locked door or private moments we had to remain detached from and unaware. But THIS was nothing like any of those.

Mom shared a little more what she felt was appropriate, that she was only moving out for a separation, not divorce. But then she described Dad’s mental and emotional state to me. “I am very worried about your Dad” she said while choking and clearing her throat. I still couldn’t find a response. “He is not doing well. He only eats a small bowl of oatmeal in the morning.” she begins to cry again, “When he gets home from work, only his childhood favorite… peanut butter and butter on a slice of bread.” I know this about Dad because during the Second World War, he, Granny, and Grandpa had to ration what little food was available in a small town outside of Galveston, TX. That was two meals Dad would usually eat for a day. “He has been like this for over 4-weeks, maybe more. Nothing around the house is getting done.” Now I have words. Upset, I firmly ask “WHY hasn’t anyone told me this!?”

Mom answers me, but it is that typical explanation from their generation: It isn’t your problem or baggage. You carry your weight or more. You don’t wear so many heavy emotions on your sleeve for everyone and their uncle to see or hear! You chin-up, get up and carry on.

Right. Meanwhile, I am clueless and handicapped in helping, much less initiating help! This has always infuriated me about my parents and their generation. My Dad, an ex-U.S. Marine (scream Semper Phi!!!), is ten-times worse than Mom! I jump ahead now to return to my All Hallows theme…

It is Friday evening, July 20, 1990. As Mom had requested, I waited a day before calling Dad. In a very somber voice and manner Dad confirms everything Mom has told me. Where he struggles to keep down his intense emotions are when my questions involve Mom and their marriage, their teamwork or their lack of now. “I do not want to speak bad about your mother.” he would pause to compose himself, “I refuse to do that. It’s unfair to you and your sister.” What do you say when your father is right, but contesting him is so horribly inappropriate at the moment?

I moved on to other problems there: tasks, chores, cleaning, all rooms inside, work outside in the yard. “Mom and Carolyn (sister) tell me that lots of things are not getting done there.” I prepared myself for some sort of backlash or angered reply, perhaps something completely unexpected. Silence. “I am going to come home tomorrow for the weekend and help around the house” I told him. “At least I can do that.” He said no. He explained that I had no need to miss work because your mother and I cannot workout our problems. He said convincingly that traveling that far was ridiculous and risky for my job-future. “We will try to work this out. Stay there.” he sounded more upbeat, genuine, “Do not come home, not yet.” Reluctantly I agreed, but we planned I’d come home the following weekend to help him around the house. Then he said some things he had never said to me before that I could not easily recollect…

“I realize I have rarely said ‘I love you’ most of your life.” My heart-rate and nerves are returning, “I should’ve said it much more, but…” he paused again. “I do love you. I just share it in other ways. I hope you knew that.” I acknowledged his unique habits and stoic tough military personality and said I understood. I returned the uncommon sentiments with sincere empathy and love.

It is now Monday early, early morning about 3:00 AM, July 23, 1990. As I started in this story I was jolted awake, convinced someone had broken in the apartment. I had seconds to do something. I was remarkably sharp and aware of everything. I sat there upright in bed listening for any noise, any motion to confirm or deny my first thoughts, first fears. I was convinced someone was in my bedroom! For some 30-45 seconds I did not hear anything. I did not see anything, in the dark, but I kept silent and upright. Not long after a minute or two of complete silence and motionless in bed, I felt this air of reassuring calm and peace come over me and into me. It was such a peculiar sensation given the moment. And as fast as I had been awakened I laid back down and immediately fell back into my prior deep sleep.

That morning I remembered how very strange the night had been and asked my roommate if he had come in, then went back out, or some other logical simple reason it happened. He told me no, he wasn’t even there. He was staying overnight at his girlfriend’s place. I dropped it, not intending to think anymore about it other than weird. Simply weird and way out of the ordinary for me.

It is Tuesday morning, July 24, 1990. My phone rings. It is my brother-in-law and I immediately sense something is wrong. He doesn’t call me on his own, or from his phone. It’s always with my sister. And in a shaky voice, pleading, he tells me “Dwain, you have to come home now, as soon as possible.” Jeff tries to gather himself, “Your Dad killed himself. I found him down in the garage inside the car because he wasn’t answering the phone for three days straight.” His breathing gets heavier, faster. “Your Mom is in a complete meltdown.” he sounds increasingly desperate, “I’m handling your sister as best I can, but you have to get home fast.”

∼ ∼ ∼ § ∼ ∼ ∼

Weeks later, maybe a month or so, I can’t remember exactly, the coroner and detective on the case tell us that Dad’s time of death was either late Saturday night, July 21 or sometime July 22, 1990. He said it was likely Sunday, July 22nd. It wasn’t until my life and my family’s lives returned to a degree of normalcy that I connected the dots. Or rather the bizarre coincidence of my unusual late night disturbance (of some kind) July 22-23 that jolted me awake and what the coroner and detective determined for Dad’s time of death.

I didn’t know it then that July night/morning it would be the last time I spoke to my father and those would be our last words together. What is fact is that I am certain of everything I’ve written here and I am 100% certain that whatever it was that jolted me out of my deep sleep to instant, acute awareness feeling someone was in my bedroom, was Sunday/Monday, July 22 or 23, 1990. What made it more bizarre was how soon after that weird sensation of going back into a calm and profound sleep so easily.

What is it that goes on, operates within the aether, moves in the atomic, subatomic, and Quantum range or wavelengths? Why is the infamous witching hour traditionally around 3:00 AM? Einstein agonizingly called it “spooky action at a distance.” What can be said and surmised about the thermodynamic law, in those unseen atomic/quantum levels known as Conservation of Mass/Energy? What I can share about it on a personal basis and incident is weird, bizarre, though I cannot prove it to anyone. But as I am writing this right now, on my honor it was quite real. That’s what I know. It’s all I can say, granted, during what was an extremely traumatic time in my life. It is my one and only Hallows true-story for the season.

————

Feel free to share your own favorites of fall and the season’s Hallows? Share your most spooky weird stories, special beloved celebrations, how you and/or your family decorate your home—pics will be required! What about meals or snacks prepared and enjoyed, or better still what astonishing events of paranormal activity have you experienced personally or heard from a close, good (dignified) friend! You have until November 1st to remember them and comment throughout this Hallows theme.

————

This work by Professor Taboo is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at www.professortaboo.com/contact-me/.

Hallows Coming – Millay

Posted on September 27, 2019 by Professor Taboo

Continuing Hallows theme of rhyme and poem, the garden’s admirer often visits post-mortem.

————

knew her for a little ghost
That in my garden walked;
The wall is high—higher than most—
And the green gate was locked.

And yet I did not think of that
Till after she was gone—
I knew her by the broad white hat,
All ruffled, she had on.

By the dear ruffles round her feet,
By her small hands that hung
In their lace mitts, austere and sweet,
Her gown’s white folds among.

I watched to see if she would stay,
What she would do—and oh!
She looked as if she liked the way
I let my garden grow!

She bent above my favourite mint
With conscious garden grace,
She smiled and smiled—there was no hint
Of sadness in her face.

She held her gown on either side
To let her slippers show,
And up the walk she went with pride,
The way great ladies go.

And where the wall is built in new
And is of ivy bare
She paused—then opened and passed through
A gate that once was there.

— Edna St. Vincent Millay, The Little Ghost

————

Care to share your own favorites of fall and the season’s Hallows? Share your most spooky stories, special beloved celebrations, how you and/or your family decorate your home—pics will be required! What about meals or snacks prepared and enjoyed, or better still what astonishing events of paranormal activity have you experienced personally or heard from a close, good (dignified) friend! You have until November 1st to remember them and comment throughout this Hallows theme.

Hallows Coming – Donne

Posted on September 18, 2019 by Professor Taboo

From the previous post and continuing through November 1st, I am doing a Hallows theme. A life to death and death to life. These coming weeks, a season’s Hallow, to “Día de Muertos” …the Day of the Dead when the living must dance with the dead.

————

hen by thy scorn, O murd’ress, I am dead
And that thou think’st thee free
From all solicitation from me,
Then shall my ghost come to thy bed,
And thee, feign’d vestal, in worse arms shall see;
Then thy sick taper will begin to wink,
And he, whose thou art then, being tir’d before,
Will, if thou stir, or pinch to wake him, think
Thou call’st for more,
And in false sleep will from thee shrink;
And then, poor aspen wretch, neglected thou
Bath’d in a cold quicksilver sweat wilt lie
A verier ghost than I.
What I will say, I will not tell thee now,
Lest that preserve thee; and since my love is spent,
I’had rather thou shouldst painfully repent,
Than by my threat’nings rest still innocent.

— John Donne, The Apparition

————

Hallows Coming – Dickinson

Posted on September 14, 2019 by Professor Taboo

he only Ghost I ever saw
Was dressed in Mechlin—so—
He wore no sandal on his foot—
And stepped like flakes of snow—
His mien, was soundless, like the Bird—
But rapid—like the Roe—
His fashions, quaint, Mosaic—
Or haply, Mistletoe—

His conversation—seldom—
His laughter, like the Breeze—
That dies away in Dimples
Among the pensive Trees—

Our interview—was transient—
Of me, himself was shy—
And God forbid I look behind—
Since that appalling Day!
— Emily Dickinson, The Only Ghost I Ever Saw

————

Connectivity — Part 2

Posted on April 30, 2011 by Professor Taboo

Albert Einstein tried to join the fundamental forces of nature to the accepted laws of elemental particles under one simplified framework called the Unified Field. Between the 1940’s and the 1970’s several scientific fields were successfully joined into one single model: James Maxwell’s electromagnetism was translated into mathematical terms called quantum mechanics; Niels Bohr and Richard Feynman, along with Einstein consolidated the behavior of matter and energy on molecular, atomic and sub-atomic levels into Quantum Physics. It was an age of great scientific discovery and newer challenges, primarily how to incorporate gravity into Quantum Mechanics and Physics.

Generational macro-to-micro perspective of a quark — click on the diagram for a grade school level explanation.

Experiments in particle acceleration, i.e. breaking down atoms into smaller sub-atomic particles by literally crashing them together, revealed seemingly more unqualifyable mechanics. Yet after decades of watching these experiments, physicists began seeing patterns or family groups of sub-atomic particles. In our science classes we learned that elements were made up of various atomic combinations. Within the individual atoms we learned they in turn were made up of protons, neutrons, and electrons. By 1968 physicists discovered yet another generation of particles: the Quarks. These sub-parts of protons and neutrons, six types exactly, exist within the nuclei of atoms. Therefore, with the spinning electrons, neutrinos (created via radioactivity), the six different quarks, and photons (the basic unit of light), scientists and physicists have found a “new” 4-Part Standard Model joining quantum mechanics, quantum physics, and yes, gravity. Mr. Einstein would be at the edge of his seat, right? Has the Unified Field finally moved from theory to Universal law? Not so fast.

For the last half century our most powerful sub-atomic microscopes and particle accelerators found the quarks. Now the questions are what hold these four basic components together? How are things solid or grouped together? What intelligence is behind the behavior of everything inside us, everything on our planet, our moon, our solar system and everything between and beyond? Well, modern physicists are pretty sure it’s a unique energy organizer. What can’t be explained yet is why there are vast weight-ranges, or mass from these seemingly infinite random forms of energy or intelligent interaction when protons and neutrons smash together.

Theoretical physicist Peter Higgs of Edinburgh University

Enter the Higgs Phenomena (Peter Higgs). Higgs postulates that there is a sub/sub-atomic field throughout everything and touching everything. When certain particles interact with this field, that interaction determines the mass of those particles, like our own bodies or other objects of form. More specifically, Higgs predicts that a matching particle will produce a constant-connector or force carrier (like light given off from photons), termed the Higgs Boson. Physicists think this Higgs Boson will be discovered and measured in a larger particle accelerator than previously constructed at Fermilab near Chicago, IL; which is 3.9 miles in circumference and capable of pushing particles of protons near the speed of light. But their accelerator is neither long enough nor powerful enough to crack-open the Universe’s last common denominator.

Near Geneva, Switzerland the European Organization for Nuclear Research (known as CERN) has built just such a mega-mammoth. The Large Hadron Collider is 17 miles in circumference and in 2009 and 2010 accelerated protons almost four times faster than Fermilab, but is designed to smash particles over 7-times faster or with 7-trillion electron volts. However, due to the enormous amounts of artificial energy required to push particles upwards to the speed of light and greater distances, the CERN’S LHC will not be ready for full-power colliding until 2014.

FermiLab Particle Accelerator outside of Chicago, IL

Detailed explanation of these future experiments and the plethora of scientific terms, theoretical experiments, laws, and their formulas goes beyond the scope of this already bloating two-part article. However, if you get a wild hair to exercise your brain and expand your knowledge in quantum physics, I urge you to do so, beginning with a few of these mentioned theories and scientists. But physicists now know that we must move beyond classical Empedoclesian and Newtonian laws of nature which have governed our understanding of matter, gravity, time and space for 2 or 3,000 centuries. At the scale of the Unified Field (or Higgs Boson) there is no other choice but to go outside classical intuitions.

Here is where things get abstractly bizarre, at least for me. Conceptually or theoretically this is where scientists are at today: macroscopic bodies/entities are in multiple positions simultaneously (around thousands or more) on the nuclear scale of the Unified Field called Quantum Superposition. They may also be connected over unbelievable distances called Entanglement. And more intriguingly, they can be congealed into one quantum state (e.g. our own bodies) governed by one wave function called, interestingly enough: Bose-Einstein Condensates, slightly touched on in Part 1 of this article with Dr. Emoto’s findings via waveforms.

The 17-mile CERN Particle Accelerator near Geneva, Switzerland. The synchrotron sits 574 ft beneath the surface.

Due to the depth of this subject and need to do it justice while not sacrificing meaning, I will continue this pseudo-brief topic in the third article: Connectivity – Back to Physics Class.

Meanwhile, for an excellent in-depth elaboration of the topics and terms covered in these two articles/blogs, watch the 8-part series: Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman. Another such resource is the two-part series: What the Bleep Do We Know!? Then the second: What the Bleep Do We Know!? Down the Rabbit Hole!

(paragraph break)

This work by Professor Taboo is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at https://professortaboo.wordpress.com.