Human & Atomic Interactions

I want to pause a moment in between my Memoirs series, its last blog-post The Party and its continuation The Poke-her Game because I have recently been very inspired to write this post. For my BDSM readers, I apologize — it’s almost finished so thank you in advance for your patience. Now to the fascination of Human and Atomic Interactions.

≤ ≤ ≤ ≤ · ≅ · ≥ ≥ ≥ ≥
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Are you familiar with some terms in chemistry? Many? How about covalent compounds, polar covalent compounds, ionic bonds, electronegativity, and electropositivity? These are a few terms that define the interactions between atoms. Is it any surprise we can draw parallels between atomic interactions and human interactions? It’s not difficult. After all, every single one of us are made up of bonds, compounds, and atoms in ever so slightly varied formations. I’d like to share the chemical definitions of the terms mentioned above according to

Covalent bonds — 1) chemical bond formed by the sharing of one or more electron pairs between two atoms. 2) atoms linked together by sharing valence electrons.

Polar covalent bonds — 1) covalent bond in which there is an unsymmetrical distribution of electron density. 2) atomic linkage with both ionic and covalent characteristics.

Ionic bonds — atoms linked together by the attraction of unlike charges.

Electronegativity — 1) a measure of the relative tendency of an atom to attract electrons to itself when chemically combined with another atom. 2) a measure of the ability of an atom in a molecule to draw bonding electrons to itself. This is partially determined by how many electron vacancies are available in an element’s filling orbital. The most electronegative elements are the halogens, which have only one vacancy (i.e. have seven electrons in their filling orbital). Sulfur and oxygen are also highly electronegative. 3) a number describing the attraction of an element for electrons in a chemical bond.

Electropositivity — a measure of an element’s ability to donate electrons, and therefore form positive ions; thus, it is opposed to electronegativity. (Wikipedia)

Notice how the exchange or resistance, the charge and intensity of electrons make up much of the interactions between these five chemical states? Would it be beneficial to find applications of these chemical states in everyday life to gain more meaning and purpose? Is it good to understand how things interact, what makes strong or weak bonds and why they react the way they react to each other? I certainly want to understand (and respect!) why ammonia-nitrate does not react well with specific other compounds. Or why nitroglycerin does not react well inside playroom hippity-hop balls or attached to pogo-sticks!


Teflon molecule

I feel it is also equally important to know and understand good helpful bonds and reactions. How many of you are aware of polytetrafluoroethylene and what it helps and prevents? While building the tallest bridge in the world, in southern France, the Millau Viaduct faced some unprecedented engineering obstacles. In the bridging-phase between the seven enormous masts, engineers needed a method of scooting the eight 8,070-ft long, 36,000 ton decks from one mast to the next 890-feet up. It was accomplished by using two huge polytetrafluoroethylene-coated hydrolic-powered opposed wedges in a, albeit only 600-millimeters per cycle,  leap-frog motion. Today, the bridge allows traffic to pass quicker between Paris and Montpellier with no apparent ecological impact to the area.

How about the critical bonds of hydrogen or peptides? How much are these two bonds used? The fact that all humans consist of roughly 63% body fluid, hydrogen bonds are vital to body functions. Peptide bonds are just as vital. All proteins, DNA, RNA, as well as multitudes of other structures use this bond. EMT’s and ER doctors and nurses must be thoroughly trained in these chemical makeups and interactions in order to save and/or rehabilitate patients. It certainly doesn’t hurt non-medical persons to have very basic understandings of these bonds for everyday life.

In my Earth or Physical Science classes we’d often discuss and learn about “Happy Atoms.” Like any of us, most atoms want to be alive and happy. The concept can be summarized this way:  if your atomic shell (mind, body, soul) was full, then you are a Happy Atom. There are atoms (people) with extra electrons. They enjoy giving up or donating their electrons. Other atoms (people) have almost-full shells. They move around seeking out atoms (people) who have extra to give. Prime examples of these interactions are sodium with magnesium, and oxygen with fluorine. When they work together with their electrons, both pairs and multiple pairings can end up happy. Like magnets the positive and negative charges of electrons attract each other. This is when “opposites attract” to form a strong bond. However, as is often the case in many aspects of chemical and life-interactions, not all are “happy bonds.” Why unhappy?

unhappy-coupleUnhappy bonds can be described as those possessing low, medium, or high energy levels. Taking this description a bit further, managing the increase or decrease of these energy levels can be directly associated with a knowledge-interaction bank, if you will. This bank knows what investments and withdrawals are dangerous and risky, as well as those that are profitable and safe. But there is one and only one factor that the bank cannot inerrantly predict:  How well does each individual customer thoroughly understand their own molecular makeup, their behavior blueprints, or how well or poorly to articulate them. You see, it isn’t enough to understand or attempt to understand only external interactions and dynamics. You, yourself, are just as important as any others in the interactions. How well and how honestly you understand yourself, often… no, equally determines what type of interactions you and others create.

Sir Francis Bacon once said that “knowledge is power.” Power for what? Clearly there are positive life-giving interactions between molecules and organisms, and there are negative ones. These interactions, all of them, and please excuse the intentional dichotomy, are they necessarily unnecessary? Is the knowledge-interaction bank exclusive only to the student? To the teacher? To the classroom of classmates? To one school? And here is perhaps a bigger question:

Is there a necessary or unnecessary learning-curve to understanding life’s interactions?
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We interrupt this program to bring you an important musical and meme message!


In the fields of neurology, pathology, endocrinology, genetics, linguistics, psychology, sociology, even philosophy — is there an interdisciplinary term for these(?) — do these areas perpetually interact or are they completely self-sufficient, self-reliant?

With chemical interactions, many if not most are well understood and predictable, until we humans or the environment create new ones. With human interactions, some… if not more or less… are well understood, until someone or others invent new ones. When these unexpected creations occur, and they inevitably do, how should they be received? Received with instantaneous conclusions or judgements, or with reservation, patience, and time in order to account for margins of error? Perhaps with elements of both? Is there a time to speak your results or a time to quietly wait, to consider, and reconsider? It has been my personal experience that TIME… typically more than what I first imagine, is the wise policy. A policy to suspend or allow for the learning-curve, if for no other reason than to remind myself that in order to gain improved interactions, human or otherwise, this policy also allows for the greatest of virtues and bonds to flourish.

To my readers and followers, what are your thoughts and experiences with interactions and bonds… atomic, chemical, or human? Please share them!

Live Well — Love Much — Laugh Often — Learn Always

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Love Gas – Part Two

Regrettably (or not) this is my second part of my temporary rant and venting from Love Gas – Part One.  My apologies again to those readers who prefer funny, informative, or inspiring posts.  I prefer them as well.

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* * * * * * * * * *

gas maskIn Part One I mentioned two other times when two previous close female friendships had been sacrificed and severed for new exciting, hopeful love with a new partner or fiancé.  One of those two was by a former girlfriend and lover when she started dating a serious potential.  I will start with her and make it short because the other “sacrifice” deserves much more time.

In the scheme of these two posts, closing down or allowing to fade away the relationship/friendship of former lovers or ex-spouses is commonly understood, accepted, and nothing really out of the ordinary.  Mainstream society, or at least mainstream conservative society, seems to believe that once sexual relations have been had between a man and woman, woman and woman, man and man, or that they once passionately loved one another, then if that deep love doesn’t end with married until death, or until divorced, then it cannot be shared continuously and simultaneously with the newest lover.

I do not agree at all with this (American?) societal stigma, but for the sake of time and space I will not argue against it here and now.  Prior to my entrance into the open-swinger polyamorous lifestyles many years ago, I have not had contact with any of my pre-open/poly lifestyle partners, except one.  And she asks that for the sake of peace and her children, we keep it very discreet; at least until her children are grown and out of the house.

Ugh, yes it is complicated; especially for her.  It is also too complicated to get into here.  I considered not even mentioning it.  Fortunately for the sake of peace and her children, we live over 300-miles a part and nothing at all has happened physically between us since 1989; way before her current marriage.  We do have a long great friendship and she completely understands my warnings and the risks she – and to be fair me too – are taking inside traditional frameworks by NOT including him in the friendship!  I’ve accepted that we agree to disagree on how divulging she might/should be with her husband.  In the end, it is her business…. and it could become mine too somewhere down the road.

But in my honesty I have wandered off track.

Regarding my former open-swinger girlfriend – who I deeply care for and will always, and have loved deeply and still could – since we ended our “official” relationship, we have always maintained a close friendship.  However, what has always frustrated and angered me is when a new “vanilla” man enters her life… our close passionate friendship vanishes.  Then when it ends with Mr. Newman (probably because he senses there is another former lover he could NEVER surpass… like it’s a fucking competition anyway!) our closeness picks right up where it left off.  I have expressed to her several times, ever since our official ending, how much that irritates me!  But apparently (and we both laugh at this point) “I just don’t get it!”  Well yeah, no shit Sherlock.

I have learned thoroughly now that I cannot be held or kept responsible for everyone’s “feelings”… and that so includes those men (BFH’s) I have never met!  No surprise there Sherlock; duh, there’s a reason why I’ve never met them and may not ever!  HAH!  Hence, there’s the double-amplified curse/repellant I mentioned in Part One.  Yes, I have been told that I would make the worst spy or secret agent.  I will own that, proudly.

Now For the Really Big One
A likeness of my Aphrodite

An exact likeness of my dear lesbian “Aphrodite” friend.

Several years ago at my favorite club to dance and to the best dancing music by one of Dallas’ best DJ’s, I boldly introduced myself to one of the most stunning women I had ever seen dancing.  She was also there with a guy and noticeably dancing only with him; but he seemed very, very young.  Here, I will call her Aphrodite and the image left, though not her… does not do her justice.  Simply put she turns everyone’s heads; man and woman alike.  She defines a pin-up girl to the max.

A day or two later we met for an afternoon lunch around the corner from her apartment.  She had many questions for me.  What made the afternoon more enjoyable, was her unabashed lack of timidness in expressing her thoughts and feelings; all carefully thought out.  What I appreciated most about Aphrodite was that in less than ten-fifteen minutes, she let me know clearly she was lesbian.  And she did it with no pomp or bitterness due to society’s treatment of gays and lesbians.  I really liked that.  I immediately respected her person and discarded every one of my heterosexual fantasies with her… as much as I hated to hear her proclamation.  Imagine a boy with a 10-inch frozen icicle and it quickly melts under the 110 degree heat.  Nevertheless, we have been close dear friends for over six years.  Yet as is usually the case with gorgeous people, we were not immune to vulnerable moments sneaking into our close friendship.

The Risk versus Reward Dilemma

In the third year of our friendship, and during an emotionally disastrous ending to her then relationship with a pseudo-psychotic girlfriend, Aphrodite made many a wee-hour phone call to me asking me to drive over and be with her.  She asked because she wanted support in not calling the ex-girlfriend and trying to quickly fix it all or understand it prematurely.  This is not an easy road to tread as anyone can attest.  Sometimes it really is best to leave things alone until the hatchets are buried.  That was hard for her.  Ring-ring, my phone goes off 12-midnight, sometimes 1:30am.  Grab my keys, get in the car, drive forty-minutes to her place, talk, hug, hold her until we fell asleep.  This continued for some three or four weeks.

Then one night late, while thanking me and kissing my cheek, she puts her hand down my shorts and proceeds to maul me.  I cannot move — unlike my manly hetero part down there — DAMN IT!  She notices my paralysis. I don’t want to stop” she whispers, “but I will if you tell me.  Are you fucking kidding me!?  I manage barely 3-seconds of brain activity and reply “The last thing I want is something like this to fuck-up our friendship.”  That did not stop her.  In fact, it probably fueled the moment.

A day or two later we talked about that “moment” and wonderfully made nothing big about it or let it define our friendship or situation.  It was what it was.  I wasn’t going to study it to death.  More pressure was not what she required then.  Many of our friends would later ask if we two were dating…an item.  We had been seen spending a lot of time together.  We’d laugh.  I had surmised that she was maybe 90% lesbian, 10% bisexual (with the right guy?), but it was left up to her to determine that not me or the rest of the world.

Then a new “incredible” woman came into the picture three-four weeks later.  Aphrodite was obviously very attracted to her and very hopeful and excited about their possibilities.  Then the grand piano dropped from the 10th floor:  “When you come over to hang out and spend the night, you must sleep in my guest bedroom now.”

The 2011 movie

The 2011 movie “Your Sister’s Sister” where the lesbian sister sleeps with her sister’s hetero boyfriend.

I understood, but what she said did not sit well with me.  She noticed my shocked perplexed expression.  She explained to me that in the LGBT community, she would be ostracized for “being with” a heterosexual man.  She kept saying “you can’t understand it” as if I were some dumb blood-flows-one-way horny Neanderthal.  Granted that is the median in the male high-T world today, I mean there are a shitload of hetero alpha-males who delusionally want to CONVERT hot lesbians, but I am not even consumed by what or where I can stick my dick like the average hetero high-T male!  I asked her “have I ever pushed you to be someone you’re not just to satisfy my brain-consuming libido!?”  Never” she answered, “and that is what I have always loved about you!”

But my simplistic logic wasn’t going to change anything.  Her own image in the “abnormal” different culture of the LGBT community was more important than our intimate supportive friendship.  Now I knew what it felt like to be a nigger in the 1800’s or 1940’s, 50’s, or 60’s – or more accurately all during European and North American slavery.  Now I knew what it felt like to be a gay man in a horribly violent binary life-system in the bigot south.  Now I knew what it felt like to be considered an inferior human being; pick any historical setting.  Take it from me….it really feels like shit.

For 8-10 months Aphrodite and I did not talk.  Since then she has been involved in a later new 18-month relationship to a truly wonderful woman.  I am proud of Aphrodite for how she’s learned and matured, but to this day she doesn’t really know the depth of platonic hurt she caused.  I have moved on from it and we still talk freely and openly as we always have.  But she’s asked that I avoid alluding to that evening to her girlfriend or anyone else… and so that damn annoying question rears its ugly head again:

Why can you not openly comfortably talk to your B-GFH the way you talk and act around me!?

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Love Gas – Part One

gas maskLet me apologize beforehand to my readers who do not favor venting or ranting. But I am a big time communicator of all feelings and thoughts because right or wrong doesn’t matter at that instance! It is the raw honesty that matters and matters critically! No one can or would know how to manage a sensitive situation if they are not working with REAL truths, the bare-naked facts! In a way then, I am not truly apologizing right now; I reserve the right to do it later. But I have to get this off my chest.

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I am not posting this based on any theory.  It is not based on any scientific research of which I am presently aware.  I’m not even sure if this subject has been written about for ages by thousands.  But this post is most definitely from personal experiences and I am getting increasingly fed-up with it!

When I feel my pulse rise like this I try my best to find appropriate ways to vent.  One of those successful ways is to go run.  Run until I can barely expand my lungs and rib-cage.  Another that works for me extremely well is going to a batting-cage and hitting the shit out of baseballs… or softballs if I want to dish out a thoroughly good whacking!  True story:  once I did bust open the covering on a baseball I swung so hard.  I realize the ball was likely old and on its last home run, but still… it felt good!

I am ready to run hard.  I am so ready to hit the covers off some baseballs screaming a new expletive with every 1,000 foot homer I hit!  Well, I’m not Miguel Cabrera:  between 100 – 120 foot homer… some of them frickin’ grounders!

Here is what has happened….. again.

That Delirium Idiot-Inducing Love Gas

The other day I posted a polite encouraging compliment on a dear friend’s profile in response to her photo and comments of how happy she is newly married.  I quote:  “Isn’t it great to be a great parent [her name]!?  And also a phenomenal wife!”

The critical context…

From the 2010 movie

From the 2010 movie “Last Night”. Husband & wife married under wrenching fear, silence & half-truths.

My dear female friend and I have a long close friendship that goes back 30-years to college.  We have always been close platonic friends that entire time.  This is her second marriage to apparently, according to her, the best man in the world she could’ve ever dreamt for.  I am extremely happy for them both!  She and I had hundreds of long-distance phone calls running hours long about her first slow dying marriage then exploding divorce which involved her four children.  It was nasty and the ex-husband put her through hell and back using the kids, financially putting her through the ringers, and shaming her publicly (via their church) for her extra-marital affair.  You’d had thought a public stoning was next.

Over this past Mother’s Day weekend she texted me three long messages overly thanking me for always making her feel she was not the slum-of-the-Earth for cheating on her ex-husband and always fighting his brutal shaming of her and him never taking ownership for his part of a rotting marriage he was clearly a half-part of.  The death of a marriage is never ever one-sided; I learned that the hard way twice despite being cheated on both times.

From 400-miles away during her nasty divorce, I had always gladly been available for her.  We always had no-holes-barred conversations about anything under the Sun or Moon; I mean ANYTHING!  Naturally, this comfort level included much verbal flirting.  At the time it helped her self-esteem enormously.  Disclaimer:  To put any of my reader’s suspicions to bed (seriously no pun intended there!), in our 30-year friendship we had never done anything the least bit sexual; only the verbal flirts over the phone, always 400-miles away.

My Ears Must Be Enormous

When it comes to “unavailable” women, I’ve learned too many times the painful way, my exceptional communication skills, levels of rawness, and articulation are my glory/attraction and my curse/repellant.  The doubling of the curse/repellant is also amplified by the seemingly insecure BFH (boyfriend, fiancé, or husband).  Here is the kicker:  for whatever reasons, the BFH does not know me, or maybe anything about me.  He damn sure doesn’t know me like a best friend over five, ten, twenty years or anything about my integrity like she does.

I’ve asked so many times, how/why is this so frequently the case?

Or replace

Or replace “opinions” with “feelings”.

Yesterday, I received three long text messages from my dear happily married friend.  She preempted her message I know you’re going to hate what I’m about to say and ask you…  She is probably spot-on because we do indeed know each other (platonically) very well.  That is simply the way the Universe has put us in each other’s life.  She goes on with “…like you and your ex-wives, I am remarried to a very jealous husband who also was hurt deeply and cheated on.  I do not want to and cannot mess this one up!  Finally my semi-orders: Please rein back your [public] comments and their frequency; he is going to get too suspicious!

After I took about 45-minutes to an hour to simmer down, I responded, “Helen of Troy [the name I’m giving her here], I am 400-miles away and now we hardly ever talk.  Seriously?”  We no longer talk for hours or as many times because when they began dating it was too risky and she still had some guilt over her previous infidelity.  She wanted to prove to him beyond a shadow of doubt that she was no longer a….let’s use a different term than her ex-husband and church used:  expressive courtesan.  I completely abided to her fears and request then.  Reluctantly I will again, and angry again.  I want to scream.

Here is my screaming question which annoyingly arises too often with female friends…

Why can you not openly comfortably talk to your BFH the way you have talked for 30-years to me!?

And this question leads to perhaps too many other revealing questions doesn’t it?

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Part Two will be over two previous situations with good close female friends; one of them I promise will be unexpected and even more revealing!  You’ll want to stay-tuned.  Trust me.

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When Good Principles Are Bad

In April 2011 I wrote about how exclusiveness kills healthy friendships in the name of monogamy:  The Curious Perplexity of Attachment.  Curious how history repeats itself.  This past weekend a very dear female college friend and I talked on the phone, updating each other on the past year since we spoke last.  Allow me to give some background.

Both of us make each other laugh a lot, always have.  During our rough times — each going through very difficult divorces — we were there for each other speaking brutally honest about anything, often saying things that the listener didn’t want to hear.  Over the past five to seven years of our close friendship, we had always confessed “what if”…how greater the closeness could be if we were dating.  Fun natural flirting came easy between us.  But the 400+ miles and each of our separate families and kids kept us apart.  The last time I had spoken with her she was madly in love with a new man.  Fast forward to this weekend.  Now that man was way out, even psychotic in her words, and now she has a new “keeper”.

What is so important or different about all this you ask?  It is this:  when I spoke honestly with her and flirted like we have always done over our 29-year friendship, strangely she did not respond.  In fact, it seemed awkwardly BLAND.  I thought to myself something is weird, out of balance, or something.  When is she going to explain this?

If you have read my April 2011 blog The Curious Perplexity of Attachment, then you will know that the women to whom I was referring are past girlfriends, i.e. intimate relationships over multiple consecutive months.  This good college friend of 29 years has always been a platonic friendship; never any sexual moments, not even any temptations except over the phone, long distance when her divorce had been filed by her husband.  She was in a lot of disillusioned pain, struggling with 17 years of a dying marriage which sadly involved their four children.  Her soon-to-be ex-husband was intentionally pitting the children against her.  Innocent bystanders of a man’s anger.

There are several significant factors involved in the demise of her marriage but suffice to say for this article, infidelity was the root cause of the divorce.  However, getting engrossed in the ugly mismanaged details of their marriage and divorce is not the purpose of my article today.  Honestly, what happened between my dear friend and her husband or its complexities is ultimately none of my business or anyone else’s business.  What is my business is how her “new” relationship with Mr. Keeper has now affected our 29-year friendship.

After our phone conversation my dear friend explained why she was not being her old, or usual self with me and our fun flirting.  “As much as I love you” she explained, “…I feel loyal to [Mr. Keeper].  I never want to EVER cross the line again.  You were playing like we always do (which made me smile), but I want to honor him and not flirt with anyone.”  I must be honest, I was bothered by this explanation.

She and I have always, always been ourselves with each other.  We have always been very comfortable in sharing all of our unedited, undiluted thoughts and feelings with each other.  We could do so because we passed no judgement whatsoever on each other.  Our 29-year close friendship is genuinely a wonderful healthy friendship.  Why on earth should that ever change?  An easy question to answer, right?  No, it seems I am incorrect…again.  Why?

When are good principles bad?  What do monogamous boundaries really protect?  When does a 2-month dating relationship have any more value than a 29-year platonic friendship?  I am honestly not a wild-cannon that fires off randomly around new spouses or boyfriends with no impulse control.  On the contrary, I am quite respectful of other’s relationships or marriages.  I really struggle with this ‘pinch-off’ decision from my female friends when a new lover comes around for them!  I hope one of my good female married and polyamorous friends (O.M. Grey) comments on this topic.  From a woman’s perspective, she is a wealth of wisdom and experience on this subject.

I would very much like to hear anyone’s thoughts and comments about this because it happens way too often.  Please tell me what your thoughts are.

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