Setting Love Totally Free

This time I am changing tact from popular topics, debates, and polarizing controversy of COVID-19 and our disuniting federal-state politics and lack of leadership during these unprecedented times in the U.S. to talk about something much more personal. In my opinion, it is critically important because it has to do with advanced(?) or semi-advanced, progressive society’s most integral part of long-term strength and stability. What is it?

I am talking about true liberating, non-judgmental, euphoric, Soul Mate/Twin Flame love. The intense, rare kind of deep passionate love that few people experience in their lifetime and even fewer recognize or have the courage to seek, find, and gleefully embrace. I am also posting this over on my Private blog The Professor’s Lifestyles Memoirs. I think this is worth posting on both sites.

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I have two good long-time friends in the Alt-Open-Swinger Lifestyles, Jackie and John Melfi. They own and run all the Colette Lifestyles clubs in Dallas, New Orleans, Houston, and their newest in Austin, TX. They are fantastic role-models for the Open Lifestyle and both Jackie and John are a wealth of wisdom, experience, and tips/help for anyone or any couples interested in taking their marriage/romance to a much, much deeper fulfilling level together.

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Jackie reposted recently a blog-post she wrote in February 2016 called Setting Love Free in an Open Relationship. In her post she offers invaluable perspective and understanding that applies not only to Open-couples, but everyone else equally important in whatever the love-arrangement together. She begins:

One of the most frequent questions I get about being in an open/swinger relationship has to do with love.

“If you play apart aren’t you afraid your partner might fall in love with someone else?”

“What if someone else falls in love with your partner?”

Well, I have the perfect story to relate my response.

That is probably most every spouse’s or partner’s biggest FEAR if they allow or don’t stop the (perceived) predatory behavior on their Significant-Other by those interested. However, those perceived fears are often unjustified. Jackie continues:

Recently John had to travel out of town on business. He was traveling back to a city where he used to live, so he had several friends in the area. We discussed before he even left town about any opportunities he would have to meet up with any of his old girl friends.

There were a couple of women he said he would be interested in seeing while he was in town. I had met both of these women in the past, so I was familiar with who they were. I like both of these women. They seem to be very sweet and kind women. I encouraged John to yes, by all means, make contact with them, even if it is just for dinner.

Why didn’t this bother me?

Because I trust John.

Alright, but HOW exactly is that trust built, earned, thoroughly known and appreciated once gained between two Lovers? Is it all done only by your partner/spouse? Do you expect them to do all of the work? Or are you yourself equally a part of that trust-achievement?

Everything about his behavior towards me shows his trustworthiness. He calls when he says he will. He discusses with me beforehand about possibilities he may have or want to have with others, and his actions show his love and devotion to me and our relationship. I saw no reason to believe this situation would be any different.

So John left for his trip. It wasn’t long before I received a text from him saying he would be joining a female friend of his later in the evening. She had always been a dear friend of John’s and needed some advice.

What I love about this story is my husband gets to put his strengths (his ability to give sound advice) to others without me being afraid. How much the world would miss if I tried to keep him all to myself.

Jackie says Everything about his behavior towards me shows his trustworthiness. He calls when he says he will. He keeps his word, he is reliable and just doesn’t feed her with regular empty lip-service. In other words, John walks his talk. What he says matches what he does, time in and time out for 5, 10, 20, 50-years. This is a very rare honorable trait in John! Believe me.

I have known many married couples, where both the husband and the wife sometimes or often confide in me. It seems to be the cost of meaningful friendship. Other times the wife seeks me out, alone, wanting to keep a secret platonic(?) friendship. Then sooner or later she will even go so far as to initiate a full-blown affair with me if she trusts that I will not wreck her marriage, wreck her home with kids, and her public image. The trade-off? I must be invisible to the world and her world. Whether it’s a good thing or bad, I cannot tell you, my readers, how many times over the last 15-20 years I have been duped into this very awkward predicament. I’ve lost count. I kid you not.

Just this last week I had a couple I have known for years, first the wife as a long-distant close friend, then her husband too, who I pushed and pushed her to please involve her husband in everything we discussed and everything she wanted to do with me in person —wide open, all the time. Nothing hidden from him. But she refused.

Just last week they “celebrated” their 20-year marriage anniversary and she publicly stated (I’m paraphrasing only a tiny bit):

Sooo much has happened these twenty-years… so many memorable, remarkable, special-times and experiences, and just as many difficult bumps in our road together. Marriage ain’t for the faint-hearted!! LOL I love this man, and he is my best friend. He’s an incredible Dad, protector, repairman, and bozo.

This same woman has carried on a 3-year affair with another man her husband never knew about, still doesn’t know about, and has carried on two separate long-distant phone-sex affairs for several years with two old ex-boyfriends (one of them married with children) and her husband doesn’t know about them either. He also doesn’t know about a one-day stand this past March in a hotel room with a fourth man.

Is it right to hide anything from your spouse? Is it right or healthy to keep secrets from your 20-year spouse several sexual-romantic affairs from him or her under false pretenses? More importantly, is that REALLY a testimony of “true love” to your own children, much less the world? Of course not!

When I read her above public statement to family, friends, and the world… I honestly could not stop laughing in disappointment, deep disappointment. Reading her husband’s beautiful tribute to her and pride in their “marriage” caused me to then get nauseated with pity for him/them, because he has no real clue whatsoever who his wife of 20-22 years is truly. It broke my heart to read their public proclamations, especially for their children who believe (falsely) their parents are perfectly and happily married even after many difficult bumps in our road together. Sadly, this woman, a former friend, doesn’t really know what brutal honesty is, the kind Paolo Coelho bluntly describes:

Paolo Coelho quote

Or make them believe in false-realities. I finally had to break-off, breakaway from her and our risky, precarious, dishonest friendship. It hurts what she became because there was so much hope for her as well as her husband to get hardcore real with each other. But in the end she was a scared, confused woman struggling with being true to herself. Consequently, she was becoming a prude, more and more untrustworthy drowning in her fear, denial, and endless excuses no matter what I tried to warn her about. It was just no longer worth it, especially when over the last 6-10 months she would fire nasty, self-absorbed exceptions/barbs and retaliations at me over ridiculous, trivial, insignificant, knit-picky things about me… like Jackie Melfi is describing here in her exceptional Feb. 2016 blog-post. Let me continue with her wisdom:

What I love about this story is my husband gets to put his strengths (his ability to give sound advice) to others without me being afraid. How much the world would miss if I tried to keep him all to myself.

As I laid in my bed at home reading, John was hundreds of miles away with a woman in his hotel room. He called me several hours later to tell me the evening went well. They spent those hours talking. In that moment I loved my husband with just a little more gusto.

I was so proud of him, not because he hadn’t had sex with her, but because he is so loving. Loving enough to share with others what he has learned in life. I allowed myself to be filled with gratitude for this amazing man. A man, who not only loves me, but strives to be loving to everyone. I love him even more because of this.

Jackie is so incredibly lucky to have John, and equally as well, John is so very lucky to have Jackie. What a rare, almost unheard of healthy, thriving marriage and complete trust they share together! They are one of my top heroes of couples I know and deeply respect.

But the story doesn’t end here. The very next evening, John had another opportunity to visit with a female friend. This visit was different. It was the same in the sense that I knew it was going to take place. John told me she had asked him to dinner and that he wasn’t sure how the evening would end. It was different in what happened.

John arrives at her home. She has prepared a scrumptious home cooked meal for them to share. To make a long story short, they ended up having sex. While they were having sex, she told John she still loved and cared about him.

Okay, so this is the dreaded scenario most people fear and will attempt to control from happening with their partner. Like I said earlier, it’s that fear of, “but what if your partner or the person they are playing with, fall in love?”

What if they do?

A symbolic menagerie of deep, exhaustive, liberating love:

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This is where the true, brutally honest definition of Compersion is demonstrated in our Open Lifestyle! Personally, I liken compersion to feeling the same level of joy I’d experience with my own two kids when they experienced unbelievable euphoria in another or in an event they are immersed inside. Jackie’s response and attitude to her husband afterwards is quite stoic and admirable, if I may say so myself. Bravo Jackie, bravo! I wish more husbands and wives strove HARD to get out of themselves and develop/nurture this same positive, appreciative, truly exhaustive love that Jackie and John share and model. Her conclusion is remarkably mature. Read it closely.

This is what I thought about this woman loving my husband. First, I was touched and honored because she see’s the same great qualities in John that I do. It made me like her even more. I mean of course she would love him, what’s not to love?!

Besides, just because she loves him, doesn’t mean John’s and my love for each other diminishes in any way. This woman simply adds another layer to our life. What’s not to love about that?

Can you imagine the stress and anger and fear and jealousy the evening could have had, especially using the traditional viewpoint?

First of all, John wouldn’t have even been “allowed” to go over to her home to begin with. My adult husband would not have been “allowed.” Even typing this makes me shake my head. John definitely wouldn’t have been able to share how wonderful the meal was, because I might be threatened by her ability to cook and I would probably lose John over her culinary skills! Instead of being threatened I instead have 3 new amazing recipes to try!

John returned home from his trip in great spirits and was eager and excited to see me. He told me over and over how much he loved me and how grateful he is to have such an amazing relationship.

My point is, we don’t have control over who we end up having feelings for, regardless of whether or not we think we can control it. I am so glad that John and I don’t try to control it. We embrace the love we have for those we come in contact with and relish in the goodness of this love.

John and I became a couple so we could add to each others life, not take things away.

As Jackie writes about facing your misplaced fears, embracing our own vulnerabilities and your partner’s/spouse’s, and as I know and have known so very many fairy-tale, falsely-based marriages full of secret locked closets and rugs bulging up with many unwanted 500 lbs. gorillas and pink elephants (silence), this raw hardcore honest, vulnerable love DOES EXIST. There are many paths and justifications to never-ending marital doubts, suspicions, and minefields of unhappy marriage/prison… and then there is one or two truly liberating, fulfilling, sometimes arduous sometimes fiercely real, correct paths to finding and living inside love that is completely set free and encouraged to stay completely free as Jackie speaks about. Believe me, I know. I’ve watched and experienced both. There is no comparison.

Fear stifles, courage fulfills. “The prude is in fact the libertine, without the courage to face their naked soul.” — A.S. Neill.

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Live Well — Love Much — Laugh Often — Learn Always

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Tin Can Connections

A few weeks back a very dear friend to me wrote and published on WordPress a most magnificent poem about chemical, ethereal, human connections, synapses, and interactions that are not so common and in my opinion come around and manifest themselves once, twice, maybe three-four times in a lifetime. When it magically occurs it hits you in the chest deep and almost paralyzes your brain, speech, and body. Esmeralda Cloud or Esme Upon the Cloud is how everyone knows the Madame. Here is her masterpiece, Melding a Small Cache of Electric, Eclectic Synapses:

The first blast came from nowhere,
To her heart . . . and to her hands.
Hands that touched his,
Palm to palm, finger to finger.
Every digit leaning gently upon the others,
Melding a small cache
Of electric, eclectic synapses
Softly between them.
Yet it came as no surprise –

It was, as it had always been, forever and a day.

The first blast came from somewhere, 
In his heart . . . and in his hands,
Hands that touched hers,
Palm to palm, finger to finger.
Every digit leaning gently upon the others,
Melding a small cache
Of electric, eclectic synapses
Softly between them.
Yet it came as some surprise –

It was, as it had always been, forever and a day.

The initial pillows of the explosion
Were numb with silent, sonic, relinquishment.
It blasted them light years apart . . . apart.
Apart from one, singular golden thread:
A chain of tenacious fire which endured;
Linking, binding. Holding fast.
Continuing the continuum, palm to palm,
Stretching out across vast, immutable distances.
At first of space,
And then later, time –

It was, as it had always been, forever and a day.

Together, yet alone, they hurtled backwards,
To be caught warmly, effortlessly,
By personal terra firma of autonomous worlds:
Comfortable fields of bright corn,
Arm in arm with solid landscapes of contentment.

And so it came to pass,
That the universe and its incalculable, enchanting
Dimensions were countless aeon away.
Yet the swirls on their fingertips tingled,
Mourning their loss, and reaching for the stars;
Every morning when they awoke,
And again, every evening, before they slept,
Falling into the arms of Morpheus –

It was, as it had always been, forever and a day.

Upon each diurnal course their planets revolved;
The cogs of every hour rotated.
Ticking, tocking, clicking, clocking, onwards.
Decades, then centuries, burgeoned with life’s roller-coasters;
The pages of each life turned, emitting
Joys and happiness, loves and fears
For those who lived.
Tears and heartache
For those who died.
Passions, curiosities, trials, guiles and smiles,
All ensconced firmly within their hearts.
Ticking, tocking, clicking, clocking, onwards –

It was, as it had always been, forever and a day.

They died, and were reborn:
In multifarious myriadal, twisting times,
Beyond quantification.
Different lives; differing planets;
Alternate worlds; alternative dimensions.
Male or female, alike and unlike alike.
Aeons arose and insouciantly passed,
Yet still, regardless of time’s toll,
The chain of fire between them remained;
Its warm glow oscillating back and forth in animated, rapacious pulses –

It was, as it had always been, forever and a day.

The fire burned them painfully at times.
And so it was that measures were undertaken:
He took a blowtorch to his end of the chain,
She an angle grinder to hers.
In fervid despair, they, in turn, had tried 
Hammers, sickles, gelignite, flint and steel,
Hatchets, guillotines and pick-axes,
Chewing and stretching, gnawing of teeth,
Acid baths, anvils dropped, dynamite, grenades.
In fact, the whole cartoon’ish caboodle of ACME warehouse
Weaponry was wily waved and yet . . .
All to no avail – the chain remained just as it was:
Immutable. Perpetual.
And elements of their souls were relieved –

It was, as it had always been, forever and a day.

Sometimes, within certain lives
One would twang the line,
Causing untold vibrations to electrify with joy,
Or dampen the other soul’s heart.
Sometimes, the other would do just the same.
And this was welcomed,
For it conjured pockets of remembered smiles;
Times when the stars waved at them as they flew,
Through the night skies with pounding, childlike hearts and eyes –

It was, as it had always been, forever and a day.

One day, when innumerable aeons had passed,
And they were both distant copies of their original selves,
A spontaneous contraction of the chain occurred;
Like a cord shuttling back into a cosmic vacuum cleaner,
And BOOM!
Suddenly there they were once again;

Heart to heart.
Hands touching hands;
Wrinkled palm against palm;
Aged finger to finger.
Every digit leaning gently upon the others,
Melding a small cache of electric, eclectic synapses
Softly between them.
One set of murky cataracts
Gazing into the other’s.
Toothless smiles;
Radiant gums.

And it came as no surprise.

And the time was right now.

And it was beautiful –

It was, as it has always been . . . forever and a day.

Please stop over to her most enjoyable, provocative, witty Imaginarium upon the Cloud. I promise you will not regret it! Tell her that her favorite suave, Steampunk, pervert Professor Taboo sent you. It will make her heart go pitter-patter and her knees wobbly. 🤭

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Live Well — Love Much — Laugh Often — Learn Always

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Legacy

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When you die, how do you wish to be remembered
and by whom?

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click here to enlarge

The five of us lounged in recliners and the two soft leather couches with wine or cocktails in hand. We had finished our saucers with portions such as artichoke dip with Mediterranean Herb or Sea-salted pita crackers. Fresh strawberries, grapes, broccoli and cauliflower bites and a crab-log dip were also available. After all, it was my small, modest birthday party — just as I like it.

When you die, how do you wish to be remembered and by whom?

We five had arrived at this question in a rather funny way. Ms. Lyncháge had been describing how when she and her late husband had friends over to their small farm cottage, his billy goats — particularly the bucks she explained — seemed to always mount the does just in time and en massé to show off the grandeur of raw masculinity to their human guests. Her and her late husband’s embarrassed… umm, excuses to guests about the loud pornographic show was essentially caused by the local water and/or the trees, bushes, weeds, or “Fescue-passion grass” as possible causes of untimely uninhibited goat-sex. “Is there much difference between goat-love and any other mammalian love?” I asked the room. My mother chimed in “Hah! As one of eleven children, I can safely say ‘HELL YES!’” She pointed over to a large picture of my maternal grandparents (below), specifically her father.

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Grandpa & Grandma Bonnet

If there were a hundred different oral tales and stories about my maternal grandparents, the one that was always discernible was Grandpa Bonnet was cheerfully relaxed and content and Grandma Bonnet:  easily agitated. Apparently twelve times and over 172 years agitated, if combining all their children’s rearing years! Ms. Lyncháge, my Mom, and Mrs. Mortician all vehemently gave their personal agreements, and with all being grandmothers too, in unison proclaimed proudly and resoundingly “Keep your damn thingy AWAY from me!

When you die, how do you wish to be remembered and by whom?

Several months ago I learned from Mom more about the maternal side of the Bonnets:  the Preece side. It was widely suspected among my maternal grandmother’s family that two, possibly three Aunts were ladies of the night. This apparently was one cause (among many I’m sure) to why one Preece-branch was Pentecostal Church goers, and the other… umm, “something else.” As our family story goes, my Grandpa and Grandma Bonnet would not talk much about “that part” of the family. At family reunions I often heard from other maternal aunts, uncles, great cousins, great aunts and great uncles that “not much is known about that side of the family.” No matter how many times Why was asked, the answers were short and vague. A family conundrum having lived within a few miles or half-day’s slow horse ride from each other!

When you die, how do you wish to be remembered and by whom?

Last July while visiting two days/nights with my Aunt and Uncle — my Dad’s younger brother and sister-in-law — I learned some fascinating details about my paternal grandmother’s side (Konzack and Tacquard) going back five and six generations to Xavier and wife Robin Gauthier, who in the early 1800’s lived southwest of Paris, France in Baillou near Le Mans. It was known much of the Tacquard side lived in and around Vauthiermont near Switzerland before some moved toward Paris. I read a copy of a personal letter written in French by Robin Gauthier to my grandmother’s maternal family (the Tacquards) in Alta Loma, Texas transposed into English by one of my French-English speaking great great aunts; see following images.

Learning about such intimate details of our Gauthier and Guyot ancestors, as well as life in 1850s France was not just fascinating, but very personal. They descended from a Germanic origin which in various socio-familial ways, timelines, migrations and immigrations found their way from 1830-1840’s Europe to Galveston and Indianola, Texas. As the personal letter reads, the story of our Tacquard family is one of genuine enthusiasm and some hardships. It explains in part why so many traveled so far to Texas for new opportunities.

The majority of otherwise less known white-Texas history — for example, the truer history as opposed to those families from southeastern and midwest slave states from early America and their versions — actually originates from German, French, and some Eastern European, Italian, and Spanish heritage. These various Texian-Tejano families typically settled in early 19th-century townships and counties with familiar cultures and customs. Several Texas genealogical historians today record that these groups of Texas-Europeans fled their native continent to escape political, religious, and racial tyrannies. This stands in clear contrast to what southeastern and midwest slave-owning U.S. families brought to mid-to-late 19th-century Texas which is more widely told or written. Most all of my maternal and paternal ancestral family sides were, in various degrees, libertarians, reformists, agorists, abolitionists, and/or egalitarians. Click here for a brief encapsulation of the first Tacquards arriving in 1844 Indianola and founding the town of Castroville, Texas. They tried to stick together through time and travels, usually succeeding. My Konzack-Tacquard line had what might only be described as (by wide comparisons)… unconventional spousal, parenting, passionate and lively social relationships within their innermost circle.

Romance, dancing, flirtation, absorbing enchantment, and frankly sex were never viewed or practiced as dirty, evil, or sinful. On  the contrary, it was gladly embraced as quite natural, quite human; a necessary pleasure if you will. My paternal grandmother was a nationally competing ballroom dancer, and she was exceptionally graceful. Her mother, my great grandmother Lucile Tacquard-Konzack, I fondly remember as spunky, charmingly agile for her lofty age, forthright, and always ready to laugh. My father absolutely idolized her. She and her family loved life and those dearest to her. Every year the “Kiddo” Tacquard reunion, barbeque, spirited-beverages, and live music by bands that could play all the popular Texas 2-step and waltz songs, 1950’s jitterbugs and swings, as well as the traditional French-German polkas and schottisches out on Kiddo’s massive unwalled hay-barn with concrete foundation scattered with sawdust was a town spectacle. It was a gathering of all in-law families and close friends numbering in the hundreds. Through my adolescence into my 20’s this partying reunion was an event I feverishly looked forward to every July 4th holiday weekend! Some of my fondest happiest memories were there with everyone.

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These family traits were and had been passed down from generation to generation, especially through maternal family lines. My father learned about intercourse from a live demonstration by his parents at the age of sixteen. Tis true. Upon the death of my paternal grandmother, my aforementioned uncle and aunt, while sorting through all her private belongings, discovered in one of her favorite books several nude photos of herself taken at their nearby rural bayou-property. Shy, as I remember, was never a Konzack-Tacquard quirk. Life was to be fully experienced, not feared.

So returning to my present-day birthday party-guests, I shared these family customs, with some discretion of course, and I asked the room…

When you die, how do you wish to be remembered and by whom?

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My great grandmother Lucile Tacquard-Konzack, c. 1916

I would destroy or burn anything like that!” replied Mrs. Mortician. “Oh, I have already done away with” Ms. Lyncháge explained, “items of that nature between my late husband and I.” We all laughed at such family secrets. Earlier in the evening in the kitchen they had heard my Mom and I briefly talk about our Preece Ladies of the Night and more family secrets. And why not? When you are among close dear friends who are very trustworthy, what are “appropriate” necessary boundaries? What constitutes truly endearing adoring friendships? What should immediate and extended family descendants be expected to understand about multi-faceted dynamics and expressions of love? Who best to learn from?

Over the last couple years my mother continues packing or unpacking to move out of her house going through very sentimental personal letters and items she and my father exchanged while dating. Reading and reminiscing she tacitly expressed to me how passionate and sexual their earliest years had truly been. My personality (family DNA?) warmly thought “How natural; how very human. As it should be.

As a tribute from my own generation’s music, I offer this song I feel is my dance of life for my family of lifetime music-loving dancers going back at least five and six generations…

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A Konzack-Tacquard heirloom – 1913 Edison Amberola Phonograph

When you die, how do you wish to be remembered and by whom?

In my own personal lifetime, I too have created and accumulated MANY cherished romantic, fervent, even wickedly primal moments, and many with photos, in letters, and on video. During our separation and inevitable divorce, my children’s mother made me burn everything intimate and/or sexual we had between us, including all the Swinging-BDSM photos and videos. At the time I did so in the earnest hope I might save our marriage and my family. Today, I understand why she demanded it all be destroyed, but I don’t agree with her reasons. To this day I still have 3-5 recently past relationships of cherished, romantic, steamy memories safely and secretly stored away. Those 3-5 ladies know I have them and the others. To them, or any intimate partner in my future, I do not hide this. It is my way of expressing to them how much they meant to me and still mean to me. All beauty and passion should be free. All have opportunities to be just as adored, just as loved if not more. Come what may!

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Me – Professor Taboo

My hope is that she/they would embrace all my moving past life-moments and for my own personal reasons, cherished memories from a window of time that made me who I am. Very fun unforgettable times, past. Moments captured in a time gone by, but not lost. Nothing more, nothing less. Or are they?

If you pass into the afterlife, or pass from this life sooner than expected, suddenly… should those cherished, sentimental, romantic, passionate things be (or have been) destroyed forever, never to be known or treasured by even your closest most meaningful persons or descendants?

When you die, how do you wish to be remembered and by whom? What will your true legacy be?

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Live Well — Love Much — Laugh Often — Learn Always

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Footnote — if interested, this post: My Heretical Heritage, covers some of my maternal ancestory.

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This work by Professor Taboo is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at www.professortaboo.com/contact-me/.