Legacy

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When you die, how do you wish to be remembered
and by whom?

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konzack-tacquard-pedigree-chart

click here to enlarge

The five of us lounged in recliners and the two soft leather couches with wine or cocktails in hand. We had finished our saucers with portions such as artichoke dip with Mediterranean Herb or Sea-salted pita crackers. Fresh strawberries, grapes, broccoli and cauliflower bites and a crab-log dip were also available. After all, it was my small, modest birthday party — just as I like it.

When you die, how do you wish to be remembered and by whom?

We five had arrived at this question in a rather funny way. Ms. Lyncháge had been describing how when she and her late husband had friends over to their small farm cottage, his billy goats — particularly the bucks she explained — seemed to always mount the does just in time and en massé to show off the grandeur of raw masculinity to their human guests. Her and her late husband’s embarrassed… umm, excuses to guests about the loud pornographic show was essentially caused by the local water and/or the trees, bushes, weeds, or “Fescue-passion grass” as possible causes of untimely uninhibited goat-sex. “Is there much difference between goat-love and any other mammalian love?” I asked the room. My mother chimed in “Hah! As one of eleven children, I can safely say ‘HELL YES!’” She pointed over to a large picture of my maternal grandparents (below), specifically her father.

felix-blanche-bonnet

Grandpa & Grandma Bonnet

If there were a hundred different oral tales and stories about my maternal grandparents, the one that was always discernible was Grandpa Bonnet was cheerfully relaxed and content and Grandma Bonnet:  easily agitated. Apparently twelve times and over 172 years agitated, if combining all their children’s rearing years! Ms. Lyncháge, my Mom, and Mrs. Mortician all vehemently gave their personal agreements, and with all being grandmothers too, in unison proclaimed proudly and resoundingly “Keep your damn thingy AWAY from me!

When you die, how do you wish to be remembered and by whom?

Several months ago I learned from Mom more about the maternal side of the Bonnets:  the Preece side. It was widely suspected among my maternal grandmother’s family that two, possibly three Aunts were ladies of the night. This apparently was one cause (among many I’m sure) to why one Preece-branch was Pentecostal Church goers, and the other… umm, “something else.” As our family story goes, my Grandpa and Grandma Bonnet would not talk much about “that part” of the family. At family reunions I often heard from other maternal aunts, uncles, great cousins, great aunts and great uncles that “not much is known about that side of the family.” No matter how many times Why was asked, the answers were short and vague. A family conundrum having lived within a few miles or half-day’s slow horse ride from each other!

When you die, how do you wish to be remembered and by whom?

Last July while visiting two days/nights with my Aunt and Uncle — my Dad’s younger brother and sister-in-law — I learned some fascinating details about my paternal grandmother’s side (Konzack and Tacquard) going back five and six generations to Xavier and wife Robin Gauthier, who in the early 1800’s lived southwest of Paris, France in Baillou near Le Mans. It was known much of the Tacquard side lived in and around Vauthiermont near Switzerland before some moved toward Paris. I read a copy of a personal letter written in French by Robin Gauthier to my grandmother’s maternal family (the Tacquards) in Alta Loma, Texas transposed into English by one of my French-English speaking great great aunts; see following images.

Learning about such intimate details of our Gauthier and Guyot ancestors, as well as life in 1850s France was not just fascinating, but very personal. They descended from a Germanic origin which in various socio-familial ways, timelines, migrations and immigrations found their way from 1830-1840’s Europe to Galveston and Indianola, Texas. As the personal letter reads, the story of our Tacquard family is one of genuine enthusiasm and some hardships. It explains in part why so many traveled so far to Texas for new opportunities.

The majority of otherwise less known white-Texas history — for example, the truer history as opposed to those families from southeastern and midwest slave states from early America and their versions — actually originates from German, French, and some Eastern European, Italian, and Spanish heritage. These various Texian-Tejano families typically settled in early 19th-century townships and counties with familiar cultures and customs. Several Texas genealogical historians today record that these groups of Texas-Europeans fled their native continent to escape political, religious, and racial tyrannies. This stands in clear contrast to what southeastern and midwest slave-owning U.S. families brought to mid-to-late 19th-century Texas which is more widely told or written. Most all of my maternal and paternal ancestral family sides were, in various degrees, libertarians, reformists, agorists, abolitionists, and/or egalitarians. Click here for a brief encapsulation of the first Tacquards arriving in 1844 Indianola and founding the town of Castroville, Texas. They tried to stick together through time and travels, usually succeeding. My Konzack-Tacquard line had what might only be described as (by wide comparisons)… unconventional spousal, parenting, passionate and lively social relationships within their innermost circle.

Romance, dancing, flirtation, absorbing enchantment, and frankly sex were never viewed or practiced as dirty, evil, or sinful. On  the contrary, it was gladly embraced as quite natural, quite human; a necessary pleasure if you will. My paternal grandmother was a nationally competing ballroom dancer, and she was exceptionally graceful. Her mother, my great grandmother Lucile Tacquard-Konzack, I fondly remember as spunky, charmingly agile for her lofty age, forthright, and always ready to laugh. My father absolutely idolized her. She and her family loved life and those dearest to her. Every year the “Kiddo” Tacquard reunion, barbeque, spirited-beverages, and live music by bands that could play all the popular Texas 2-step and waltz songs, 1950’s jitterbugs and swings, as well as the traditional French-German polkas and schottisches out on Kiddo’s massive unwalled hay-barn with concrete foundation scattered with sawdust was a town spectacle. It was a gathering of all in-law families and close friends numbering in the hundreds. Through my adolescence into my 20’s this partying reunion was an event I feverishly looked forward to every July 4th holiday weekend! Some of my fondest happiest memories were there with everyone.

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These family traits were and had been passed down from generation to generation, especially through maternal family lines. My father learned about intercourse from a live demonstration by his parents at the age of sixteen. Tis true. Upon the death of my paternal grandmother, my aforementioned uncle and aunt, while sorting through all her private belongings, discovered in one of her favorite books several nude photos of herself taken at their nearby rural bayou-property. Shy, as I remember, was never a Konzack-Tacquard quirk. Life was to be fully experienced, not feared.

So returning to my present-day birthday party-guests, I shared these family customs, with some discretion of course, and I asked the room…

When you die, how do you wish to be remembered and by whom?

tacquard_1

My great grandmother Lucile Tacquard-Konzack, c. 1916

I would destroy or burn anything like that!” replied Mrs. Mortician. “Oh, I have already done away with” Ms. Lyncháge explained, “items of that nature between my late husband and I.” We all laughed at such family secrets. Earlier in the evening in the kitchen they had heard my Mom and I briefly talk about our Preece Ladies of the Night and more family secrets. And why not? When you are among close dear friends who are very trustworthy, what are “appropriate” necessary boundaries? What constitutes truly endearing adoring friendships? What should immediate and extended family descendants be expected to understand about multi-faceted dynamics and expressions of love? Who best to learn from?

Over the last couple years my mother continues packing or unpacking to move out of her house going through very sentimental personal letters and items she and my father exchanged while dating. Reading and reminiscing she tacitly expressed to me how passionate and sexual their earliest years had truly been. My personality (family DNA?) warmly thought “How natural; how very human. As it should be.

As a tribute from my own generation’s music, I offer this song I feel is my dance of life for my family of lifetime music-loving dancers going back at least five and six generations…

m1-edison-amberola-phonograph_1

A Konzack-Tacquard heirloom – 1913 Edison Amberola Phonograph

When you die, how do you wish to be remembered and by whom?

In my own personal lifetime, I too have created and accumulated MANY cherished romantic, fervent, even wickedly primal moments, and many with photos, in letters, and on video. During our separation and inevitable divorce, my children’s mother made me burn everything intimate and/or sexual we had between us, including all the Swinging-BDSM photos and videos. At the time I did so in the earnest hope I might save our marriage and my family. Today, I understand why she demanded it all be destroyed, but I don’t agree with her reasons. To this day I still have 3-5 recently past relationships of cherished, romantic, steamy memories safely and secretly stored away. Those 3-5 ladies know I have them and the others. To them, or any intimate partner in my future, I do not hide this. It is my way of expressing to them how much they meant to me and still mean to me. All beauty and passion should be free. All have opportunities to be just as adored, just as loved if not more. Come what may!

come-join-me

My hope is that she/they would embrace all my moving past life-moments and for my own personal reasons, cherished memories from a window of time that made me who I am. Very fun unforgettable times, past. Moments captured in a time gone by, but not lost. Nothing more, nothing less. Or are they?

If you pass into the afterlife, or pass from this life sooner than expected, suddenly… should those cherished, sentimental, romantic, passionate things be (or have been) destroyed forever, never to be known or treasured by even your closest most meaningful persons or descendants?

When you die, how do you wish to be remembered and by whom? What will your true legacy be?

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Live Well — Love Much — Laugh Often — Learn Always

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Footnote — if interested, this post: My Heretical Heritage, covers some of my maternal ancestory.

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The Meaning

Tuesday, June 7th 2016 began like most of the last 1,000 days, maybe more. I had stopped counting. I had stopped thinking too. I had slipped into cruise-control and didn’t know it until a little after Tuesday, June 7th. That day probably should have been like all the hundreds of days prior — a number before the next.

But it wasn’t.
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~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I am a firm believer in the laws of attraction. I am a firm believer in Nature, Human Nature, and what tens of thousands of years have embedded deep within our human DNA and hormones generation after generation after generation. Only if we intentionally choose as an adult to make ourselves a social recluse, something we are not as newborns, infants, toddlers, or children (teens or adults?). On the contrary, we are naturally a very gregarious species. We crave to be part, a significant part of a group which is similar to ourselves. We crave connection with others. I am no different.

city_lights_in_ac_motionI am a firm believer in communication and free-form human interaction. I am a firm believer that all forms of human communication and expression, verbal or non-verbal, work as an alternating-current; yes, as in the back-and-forth flow of electricity. How we are charged Effects others near us and they us, and those expressions, those connections, those exchanges influence to some degree our own Affect. Laws of electricity and attraction are always seeking in never-ending motion between organic bodies and the unseen waves, as well as the heard, the felt, the scented, and flavored waves between us; all are in motion and seeking. We crave to sense these motions, these waves, and I am no different.

Astronomers current best estimates say there are at least 100-billion galaxies in the observable Cosmos. There are an estimated 400-billion stars or Suns in our Milky Way galaxy. On our very tiny planet of 7.45+ billion people there are roughly 6,500 spoken languages. Of those languages 4,500 are more common and only about 10 are most commonly spoken by roughly 3.6 billion people on this tiny planet floating around 1 Sun among 400-billion other Suns in one galaxy among 100-billion galaxies. The enormity of our Cosmos cannot be appreciated, its vastness incomprehensible, its richest mysteries infinite. In a human existence of on average about 75-80 years, on a planet only 4.5 billion years old floating in a galaxy about 13.2 billion years old floating in a Cosmos that is about 14-billion years old, human connections are obviously here and gone in a flash, no… not even a flash. Blink and you will have missed all of humanity’s history entirely.

Yet, there are events, there are connections of chemistry and physics between people in an ocean of 7.45+ billion and thousands of verbal and non-verbal languages that make perfect sense. In part, I know what I know because I am made of star-dust, of particles, atoms, energy, and thousands and thousands of generations of family called the human race and passed on to me (in part) as intuition and human expressions. I am inextricably linked with my kind, so I recognize certain signals, certain energies, certain waves on a planet in a galaxy within a never-ending cosmic ocean.

Me:  “So I know what I can know. There are many things… many “encounters” that are common, others that are a bit less common… and then…

…there are very very FEW that in such a cosmic ocean are ridiculously weird and uncommon, yet unbelievably natural, which pound on your chest, stagger your breathing and your normal thinking… so different, there is no imaginable reason you can ignore it or explain it in logical terms.”

“And there it is.”

In order to be able to say those things and mean it, to have lived it, you must have been truly inside and experienced a kaleidoscope of multiple human encounters, right? One must have tasted many flavors. Check-mark. I have.

But I have gone ahead in this story. Those words quoted were written 3-weeks later, June 28th. Is that the end of it? Leave good enough alone? No, not at all. (An important sidenote)
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sun-moon-ying-yangWe learn as much from our successes as we do from our disasters. I might go as far as to say we learn much more profoundly from tribulation and failures. If true, as beautifully imperfect creatures as we are then we can learn to fail better… staying determined, staying hopeful, staying openly mindful, bending not breaking while staying true to self along the way! I know. In theory this sounds splendid; in practice it can feel overwhelming. I’ve lived both sides, up and down, and I am no different from others who have done the same. But I knew too well, to my deepest core, exactly what I wanted, exactly what would work, exactly what would align my stars. In addition to my above sidenote involving both my alternative lifestyles, I had also developed during a 13-year span of multiple relationships… an extensive idea, a list if you will, of my atypical imaginary woman. Along with those aforementioned lifestyle-choices, this List has only 20 points, or signs, to recognize her/them:

  1. You feel a strange, inexplicable sense of “recognition” when you meet the person. This might manifest itself as déjà vu, or an unshakable feeling that you’ve known this person before, or are somehow “meant to be together.
  2. You have a feeling that they are going to play a very important role in your own development, without knowing when, why or how.
  3. You’ve established an immediate, intense connection with them that is invigorating and shocking at the same time.
  4. You feel as though you’ve finally found a “home” or safe place with the other person.
  5. You are able to be your authentic self warts and all – without the fear of rejection, persecution or judgment with them.
  6. You both embody the yin and yang, in other words, your dark side is balanced by their light side, and their dark side is balanced by your light side.
  7. You feel a sense of expansion with them, as though you are larger than your limited identity.
  8. They make you a better person, and you make them a better person.
  9. When together you are both bonded but free, attached but unattached. In other words, you still maintain your freedom even though you might be in a relationship with them.
  10. You are finely tuned to their energy, and they are finely tuned to yours. This means that you are both very conscious of the present play of energy (whether happy or sad, angry or forgiving, open or withholding) present in the connection. You’re both therefore highly empathic with each other.
  11. love-the-abstract-wayYou feel as though you have been waiting for this person your entire life.
  12. You both connect deeply and mirror each other’s values and aspirations for life beyond surface similarities.
  13. Your twin flame is a mirror of what you fear and simultaneously desire the most for your own inner healing. For example, if you are a highly strung person, your twin flame will most likely be relaxed and messy. If you like to play the victim, your twin flame will be a strong character who refuses to give you pity or sympathy to perpetuate your complex. If you are creatively repressed, your twin flame will be a flourishing artist. In this way, our twin flames challenge and infuriate us but also teach us important lessons about our fears, core wounds and repressions.
  14. No matter how many times you avoid or leave your twin flame, you’re always magnetically attracted back to them. (Don’t confuse this with abusive relationship complexes.)
  15. One of you is more soulfully mature than the other, and often serves as the teacher, counselor or confidant within the relationship.
  16. You are taught important life lessons such as forgiveness, gratitude, empathy and open-mindedness by them and with them.
  17. Your connection is multi-faceted. In other words, your twin flame is likely your best friend, lover, teacher, nurturer and muse all at once.
  18. Your twin flame doesn’t try to change you. They accept you for who you are and what stage you’re at, and encourage you to do the same for yourself (and vice versa).
  19. You can be truthful with each other about anything. Nothing under the Sun or Moon is off-limits or needs hiding.
  20. Together, you both feel driven towards a higher purpose, whether spiritually, socially or ecologically.

dilemmasMy 20-point list, however, has a double-edge. While assisting me like a compass providing some unemotional intellectual direction — i.e. not getting lost in the moment; fabulous for distinguishing realistic wants vs needs — it also can trap or filter out unrealized potential, for myself AND for her if she abhors such a list. Wise and frustrating at the same time. For years my personal circumstances, deficient social rendezvous in my area, my age of fifty-three, and my uncompromising “fail better” mantra, all looked like Mt. Everest and felt counter-productive. Preserving a proud true-to-self integrity and doing it alone/solo appealed less to me each ticktock of the clock.

Then there was coincidence, clear serendipity.
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♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠

The Cambridge English Dictionary defines coincidence as “an occasion when two or more things happen at the same time, especially in a way that is unexpected or unlikely, or the unlikely fact of such things happening at the same time.” My definition turned out differently starting with an unusual request, a friend-request, by way of a mutual friend:

Me:  “Hi! I was trying to place you. I see we have mutual dance-club friends… but I can’t honestly remember where I may have met you. Sorry. Am I having a brain-fart?”

Haha… nope, no lapse in your memory. We have never met (that I am aware of). Blake has mentioned your impressive taste in music on a couple of occasions (even new material). So, to be honest, I am finally adding you for purely selfish reasons with regard to music exposure. LOL!! And thank you for the kind words about my babies. I thought so too, but I have a significant case of bias.

Ahhh…then we are in good company on child-bias!!! I have two very gorgeous, very intelligent, very nice, polite, humble children that will both become Adult Prodigies and CHANGE THE WORLD…. or take it over, whichever makes more money for me to retire on!!!

I do love Blake’s and Sid’s music — I miss dancing BADLY! And Blake & Sid have exceptional taste as well. Maybe we feed off each other… and sometimes (maybe?) invite Jarell to take part. Hahaha!
No… just kidding about Jarell… love him too! Anyway, GREAT TO MEET YOU here! Perhaps when I’m up in DFW sometime or in Denver July 30th at the concert we’ll cross paths, eh?

Ahh, a proud Papa!! What ages are your kiddos? So you are not in DFW anymore? Not to brag, but I think I MIGHT be going to the club this Friday. Was just in Denver (at Beta) a couple of weeks ago after The Cardigans show.

Hey, I just looked at our mutual friends and it really wouldn’t surprise me if we had been introduced before. I know all those folks pretty well, and see that you even know two or three other good friends. I’ve been friends with Hannah and (even more so) Myra since maybe 2002. Small world!

Small world indeed. Three days later our world got even smaller. Or bigger? Veiled or unveiled? Days later…

There’s a form of dance I often do at the club to certain songs. I later found out that it is called Kizomba. Here’s an example of it:

Whoa… dat ass though!!

Listen, due to my occupation I know we know some of the same people (and those people know people), so please keep this between us…

[a lengthy needed explanation follows which I omit here…]

Soooo, there ya go. I’ll stop there instead of writing a NOVEL like I did yesterday. Haha

OH whatever. You didn’t write a novel — please, get over yourself with grandiose delusions of being Mark Twain or Ralph Waldo Emerson! Just kidding!

Seriously though, I’m a fanatic for significance, for impact, for relevance, for the marrow-of-life, NOT B.S. about the weather and overkill with proper formal etiquette for the sake of a stranger’s temporary feelings, etc.! Not condoning the other extreme either, like simply rude or insensitive… just REAL! Make sense?

And no worries about the need for my exceptional discretion for your situation. Actually, most of my dance-club friends already know that I am quite “Alternative” in and about relationships — i.e. since 1989 I’ve been in the S.S.C. BDSM lifestyle, and a Pre-open/swinger lifestyle since 1997, full-blown in 2003. In theory I might be polyamory, but can’t determine; I haven’t been in a serious committed partnership since 2003 and 2010… both of those dear female friends/Soul MateS were into my alternative lifestyles as well and they only confirmed beyond doubt that I BELONG and THRIVE in BOTH lifestyles!

So… how’s my novel introduction right there!? – wink –

OMG… been asking for that for more than 10 years!!! Open, polyamory, etc. I keep trying and the answer is always a resounding NO. I don’t believe it is in many people’s nature to be monogamous. Works for some, but very unrealistic for others.

Lol…yeah, when those lifestyles finally surface from me in conversations, the woman or couple look at me like I have a big eye in my forehead with antennae sticking out my skull. A few times at public places, bars, etc…the woman will just immediately and literally walk away… sometimes they’ll say “Okay, bye-bye” or eventually some other freak-out happens. – wink –

Are you a Dom? My fascination and interest with BDSM began with my visits to The Chamber in Chicago at age 21. You should google… they put on some phenomenal shows back in the day.

Two of my most prized memes…

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I am a Dom/Top…not a 24/7 Dom, have no desire to be a “Father” again(!), but more like 1-3 times a month to dungeons or Munches, and 1-2 times a week privately/personally at home or my private dungeon.

I’m not familiar with The Chamber in Atlanta. I will check them out!
Hahaha! And love those memes!

Not sure if you’ve had a chance to notice, but my personal blog (WordPress) is pretty much my own Journal… about all sorts of things, but also my BDSM/Open Lifestyles, and other important topics/categories that are sometimes feared and avoided.

By the way, when I/we get into more open details about my Alternative stuff… I like to go private email… my blog’s email preferably. Care to email back-n-forth there?

Yes Sir. I have a private email address but can’t remember my password and couldn’t get into it the other day. It’s HBD_XXXX@XXXXXXXXX.com. Wanna guess what HBD stands for??

Well, my imagination can go wild on that! Tell me…

Human Bondage Den.

temptation_by_strehpnahziaMy jaw drops. I rub my bulging eyes to read and reread several times what she has written to make sure I am not hallucinating! “Is this really effin possible!?” I asked myself.

I decided I’m going to quickly get deeper into metaphysics, or things unseen and difficult to measure/observe; i.e. Soul Mates, Twin Flames, and my 20-points above. After that litmus test I’ll explore the music, dancing, social shenanigans, and How-to-be-Bohemian litmus tests! And eventually I will return to these two alternative lifestyles — to the real harder core aspects of the Open-Swinger lifestyle and further aspects of the SSC BDSM lifestyle; dig for a more accurate litmus test with my two-page (≅ 200-275 questions) SM 101 Negotiation-Forms from “S&M 101:  A Realistic Introduction.” Over the years these two tests are usually deal-makers or deal-breakers; mostly the latter.

And the final test/requirement:  a voracious turbo-charged sensuality-sexuality; NOT SHY, NOT ASHAMED!

Some (or many) women, as well as men, I meet online or in person, choose to avoid full-swap in the OS-lifestyle or the BDSM lifestyle for various trust-fear reasons, and some/many firm Feminists choose, or do not manage well, or have difficulties being a true submissive — “bottom” maybe, but not full-blown submissive. She is a Feminist and BDSM sub — no problems there whatsoever. And on top of these personal preferences… I prefer the RACK BDSM lifestyle more than the generic forms. Litmus test Coup de grâce coming up! Hah! More like a litmus lab, right?

Not only does she love to dance, even be the center of attention on a dance floor, she loves and knows all about 98% of all music styles and genres I love too! In public she is clearly extroverted, loves meeting new people and carries on conversations with anyone, any type, any subject — obviously very intelligent. Why? She graduated with her post-doctorate degree, duh! And hedonism and Bohemia are her little home playgrounds! I share my 20-points on Soul Mates/Twin Flames with her. Later that evening she lets me know she’s read it, all of it, agrees with all of it, and goes one step further:  “At least 18-19 of them are us.” I couldn’t argue. She was right. Astonished and geeked didn’t begin to describe how my world was spinning in overdrive.

At that point I’m thinking the SM 101 – Negotiation Forms (by Jay Wiseman) will be the crushing reality check. There’s not much that won’t get revealed about each other after some 200-275 explicit questions. It does not leave too much to the imagination; everything is covered! We exchanged our SM-Forms with each other, and about halfway through the first page, I thought I was reading MY SM-Form! I moved on to page two and yes, our completed forms were essentially identical! We both like most of the same kinks, to the same degrees, and both want to explore a lot more. And the voracious timidless turbo-charged sexuality? Pffft, not an issue whatsoever. I am blown away! She once asked me “Do you have a survelliance camera in my head and heart!?” I could’ve easily asked her the same thing. This had now become (for both of us) some freaky-scary weird shit. Time to pullout the Coup de grâce.

About 6-7 weeks later, “Have you had a chance” I asked her, “to read all of my Dark Encounters/BDSM blog-posts as well as the latest one?” Around 2:00 or 3:00 AM that next morning she writes:

I just finished your blog post. You know what I think each time I’m reading one of “these” from you? I keep saying in my head… he is a fucking genius. A GENIUS. And I also think ANY woman who is fortunate enough to have you plan something like these scenarios for her, is the LUCKIEST DAMN WOMAN IN THE WORLD!!! Those are the exact thoughts I hear when I am reading ANY of these blogs from the BDSM section of your page. I mean… DAMN.

nameless_pleasures_by_skehrkrowAnd I can go a step further, but I don’t want to freak you out… so I’ll just say this… I am HONORED to be your LD sub right now and for what I hope will be a long, LONG TIME (well, I’m hoping that LD part goes away real soon)!

WHAT would have “freaked me out”??? What could possibly freak me out by you going a step further???

What I meant by that was this… I have always been drawn to the balance between MALE and FEMALE, the dynamics between them and how beautifully they work TOGETHER and BALANCE each other. I can see us maximizing that dynamic… and I would SO LOVE to be the focus of your writings… both of us… how we are TOGETHER, how we BALANCE each other.

YES! I would have you Guest write as well. I want SO MANY MORE female voices there on my blog! But… WHAT would freak me out?

I just see us being such a beautiful thing, and I think your writing is so eloquent… the two combined would be so magnificent

POWERFUL? IMPACTFUL? You and I together want to FREE UP people from their fears & imbalances!?

Yes!

Help GUIDE THEM to EMPOWER themselves!!!?

Seeing OUR balance, equality… just, you and I being a TEAM, in that respect…

[several minutes pass with no messages…]

Are you typing up a lot… peeing for the 100th time… or thinking a long long time?

And I guess what I meant by that…

Come on… SAY IT!!!! – wink & laugh –

…some sort of connection being YOUR sub… even long distance being YOURS.
I’m not peeing for the 100th time!!!

Ok… for the 97th time!

I just want to be YOUR PARTNER in it all… BAD!!! I am BESIDE myself with this!

Oh oh! -wink-

Come take advantage of me…

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I so TOTALLY WOULD if I had the SLIGHTEST CHANCE there!!!!!

Predator…

Prey.

yes I am…

As I am…after you! I will make you give ALL OF YOURSELF UP TO ME!!!!

I already have!!!! As much as I can… before surrendering to you physically.

“And there it is.”

two-timeI have no more litmus tests except time. I don’t exactly know what to make of this now. I know there is no use denying what has been going on in my mind and heart, on the phone live, in emails, in chat, since the end of June. Everything, I mean everything with her/us is effortless. She says she can’t deny it either; impossible. She has her wish, or at least one of many — she requested I write this post and publish it. So what is the purpose? What is the meaning? Do we ever figure it out completely, perfectly, all the time? Should we? What sort of lives would we have if everything and everyone was always predictable? Mostly predictable? Barely predictable? Never predictable?

You tell me, if you can, the meaning.

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Live Well — Love Much — Laugh Often — Learn Always

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Of Time and Love

van-gogh-santa-lighs-night-umbrellaEvery so often I stumble across or revisit some exceptional writing, verse and prose, that latches itself to heart and soul here and again, reminding me how perfectly life, time, and uncommon love can reassure. These two I share are favorites when heart is full, or heavy, or alone.

Isn’t it true
however far we’ve wandered
into our provinces of persecution,
where our regrets accuse,
we keep returning
back to the common faith
from which we’ve all dissented,
back to the hands, the feet, the faces?

Children are always there
and take the hands,
even when they are most terrified.
Those in love
cannot make up their minds
to go or stay.
Artist and doctor return most often.
Only the mad will never, never come back.

For doctors keep on worrying while away,
in case their skill is suffering or deserted.
Lovers have lived so long with giants and elves,
they want belief again in their own size.
And the artist prays ever so gently,
let me find pure all that can happen.

Only uniqueness is success.
For instance let me perceive
the images of history.
All that I push away
with doubt and travel,
today’s and yesterdays alike, like bodies.
—- Letters from Iceland, W.H. Auden

 

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.
—- The More Loving One, W.H. Auden

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Do you have a favorite Auden piece? Share them below. It isn’t enough to just gaze. Let’s taste and savor up the emotions Auden stirs. Please.

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Live Well — Love Much — Laugh Often — Learn Always

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