This is an unexpected sequel to my previous post Communication. I meant to finish and “publish” other posts I had previously planned, but due to special blog-followers and their willingness to offer much good feedback, insight, and indirectly challenge me with their questions and comments, and in particular one special blog-follower, I resigned myself from those other planned posts and decided this post was not just a natural follow-up, but more importantly required.
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As a lifetime passionate soccer player and former professional soccer player now fan, I had to learn very quickly what was required for victory, exceeding expectations, and pushing your self further to do better and be better. As is often the case in professional sports, and I think also in life, it isn’t realistic to always expect victory, or becoming better if you set the standard or goal the same as it was before, or the same as it always has been. To do so would set you and your teammates up for status quo or worse, an upset loss because your opponent is always seeking an advantage to defeat you. It is a matter of perspective. It is a mentality of What Is versus What Could Be. If a pro athlete doesn’t have and keep the mentality of What Could Be, he will find himself in retirement soon, probably too soon.
Is it fair to carry on-field perspectives in pro sports over into daily life, off-field life…into personal interrelationships?
One of the worst ultimatums to tell or place onto a pro athlete is the explicit and implicit phrase Off Limits or It Can’t Be Done. I think too this holds true for some of history’s great explorers or today’s astronauts, cosmonauts, and all their support-staff pushing the limits of human existence beyond the limits of Earth. Yet, there always seems to be those who will never stop claiming It Can’t Be Done. They say those “forbidden” places will only perpetuate suffering, death, so they are Off Limits. After hearing such claims all through my less-than wealthy childhood and adolescence, from less-than an opulent neighborhood on equally less-than upper-status soccer teams from a less-than publicized youth league in the less-than wealthy part of south Dallas…I finally said ENOUGH! I begged my parents to drive me three-times a week to the best competitive league with the best teams in Texas to north Dallas. I finally won a spot on the roster of one of the top teams in the NDCC Classic League.
But my fight to be a better goalkeeper on a better team in a better league was not over for the next two seasons. The coach kept me as a backup on the bench, a second stringer because I had no experience on the “big stage.” On my high school soccer team (from the poor-part of Dallas), I was the Captain and star of the team. My two varsity years saw our team make it to the City of Dallas championship back-to-back. I was voted MVP in one of those tournaments. I was also traveling over 40-miles to and from north Dallas all season to be trained by a former Czech Republic national team goalkeeper my parents were helping me pay for. But none of that meant squat in the NDCC Classic League or to my new coach.
I will spare you the long tale, challenge, and hard work of my rise into professional soccer both in West Africa and then in Brazil, but I want to make this point. If I had simply accepted my imposed prejudgments of my capabilities, had not been challenged by my collegiate soccer coach – himself a former pro soccer goalkeeper and having a little higher expectations on me while he trained me, coached me, pushed me, and inspired me for four incredible years to be better than expected — I might not have become as successful a pro player; maybe not even successful or pro at all. If those special people in my post high school life had not believed in me and had higher expectations of me than I did on myself, could I have made it to the pro level?
Is it good to have a little higher expectation upon yourself? How about upon others, like your teammate(s), life-mate, or Soul MateS?
I am happy my good blogging friend brought up this very relevant point in my previous post. It applies specifically to expected communication by a Soul Mate, Lover, and Close Dear Friend. If you do not yet see the connection based on what I’ve just stated/written, I will elaborate.
My challenge and dilemma from my previous post (Communication) is this: Is it possible (on a spiritual-metaphysical level?) to become Soul MateS at one time, and then become something between an Acquaintance and Friend a later time?
My next challenge and dilemma from this post: Is it fair of me to expect proactive communication from a previous(?) Close Dear Friend, Lover, and Soul Mate?
I ask because I think I’ve discovered that I still have some subtle traditional expectations of communication inside a non-traditional lifestyle, particularly with people who were once in the same lifestyle, but apparently (“apparently” because there is no communication now) are no longer in the lifestyle, that is the Lifestyle of Proactive Communication, which is the open/polyamorous lifestyle.
And to make things more complicated, why in the hell do I keep distinguishing between traditional monogamous communications versus open proactive communications? Should they not just coexist to the point of being indistinguishable? Why do traditional monogamous couples forbid the discussion or proactive discussion of attraction that does not include infidelity? Or would it include some level of infidelity if there is a “past” in each other’s lives that includes fulfilled attractions, i.e. the lessons and experience of determining what one’s attractions are and why, and may or does include its continuation? What is the essence, the nature of infidelity anyway?
And then the coup de grâce question(s):
Does no one evolve through the experiences of attraction, love, romance, companionship; all those aspects of intimacy people crave, I crave, when everything in existence around us evolves, is always changing, growing, becoming different – if only slightly – every day, week, month, or year including within the “laws” of attraction, love, romance, companionship? With so much fluidity does there not need to be some flexibility, some tweaking, some growing, some adapting, some improving, some What Could Be questioning communication, ala The Unexamined Life by Socrates…when circumstances change and demand new expectations? Dr. Gerzon makes a poignant statement: “…much of our life is unconscious repetition” if it goes unexamined.
In this ever-changing world and its changing people, does everything in the world of personal interrelationships, particularly simple proactive communication, need to change? I ask laughing at the paradox, are my communication expectations unrealistically rigid?
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