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The “Holy” Rivers

Posted on September 22, 2013 by Professor Taboo

The Ganges River (or Ganga) in India has been the longest holiest river in any religion. Hinduism spans almost three millennia in the history of humanity and it is the longest surviving religion on the planet with more than 950 million followers. The Ganges River bears huge religious significance to the Hindu religion. The Goddess Ganga originates from the Gangotri glacier in the Hindu Himalayan mountains 13,451 feet above sea level and flows an incredible 1,569 miles to the Bay of Bengal. For 420 million people the river sustains life in the form of food, water, bathing, and agricultural irrigation. As a river the Ganges contributes to more than 25% of India’s total water resources. It is the ONLY River in the world with such a massive impact and significance on so many lives.

The religious significance of the Ganges River to her people/followers cannot be overstated. Subhamoy Das from India writes from Ganga: Goddess of the Holy River:

“Hindus believe that rituals performed by the river Ganga multiply in their blessedness. The water of Ganges, called ‘Gangajal’ (Ganga = Ganges; jal = water), is held so sacred that holding this water in hand no Hindu dares to lie or be deceitful. The ‘Puranas’ or ancient Hindu scriptures say that the sight, the name, and the touch of Ganga cleanses one of all sins and taking a dip in the holy Ganga bestows heavenly blessings. The ‘Narada Purana,’ prophesied pilgrimages in the present Kali Yuga to the Ganges will be of utmost importance.”

But the river is even more than just blessings and cleansings. Being on the banks of the Ganges has spiritual significance too:

“The land over which Ganga flows is regarded as hallowed ground. It is believed that those who die around this river reach the heavenly abode with all their sins washed away. The cremation of a dead body at the banks of Ganga or even casting the ashes of the deceased in its water is thought auspicious and leads to the salvation of the departed. The famous Ganga Ghats of Varanasi and Hardwar are known for being the holiest funeral detestation of the Hindus.”

Today’s River Ganges

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Over at least the last four centuries the Holy River has become the most polluted river in the world. The very children, who suckle from her spiritual nipples, turn around and contaminate the very milk from which they suck oblivious to how tainted their holy water has become from the headwater of the Himalayas to the poisonous outfall into the Bay of Bengal.

Five major facts from a native Indian about the Holy Ganges River:

Approximately 1 billion liters of raw, untreated sewage are dumped in the river on a daily basis. The amount has more than doubled in the last 20 years and experts predict another 100% increase in the following 20 years. – See more at: http://www.all-about-india.com/Ganges-River-Pollution.html #sthash.f8rueAaD.dpuf
The rapid explosion of India’s population in the last 25 years coupled with lax regulations on industry has put a huge strain on the river. – See more at: http://www.all-about-india.com/Ganges-River-Pollution.html #sthash.f8rueAaD.dpuf
Thousands of bodies are cremated on the banks of the river yearly with many being released into the river with hopes that their souls may have a direct path to heaven. – See more at: http://www.all-about-india.com/Ganges-River-Pollution.html #sthash.f8rueAaD.dpuf
Hundreds of unwanted or ‘illegitimate’ babies, cattle and other animal carcasses are also dumped in the Ganges again with religious significance – See more at: http://www.all-about-india.com/Ganges-River-Pollution.html #sthash.f8rueAaD.dpuf
The levels of coliform bacteria are over 2800 times the level considered safe by the W.H.O (world health organization). – See more at: http://www.all-about-india.com/Ganges-River-Pollution.html #sthash.f8rueAaD.dpuf

The religious, social, economic, and ecological impact of the Ganges River is so significant that should nothing be done to resolve its crisis, the devastation would reach most of the developed world on several major levels. Whether the river can be considered as holy and pure is an entirely different debate. Environmentally the river has become a major crisis. But the point of this post is not to address the obvious pollution of the river — the Indian people and their government must act — instead, the Ganges River will be my metaphor.

Before you read further, take a minute to ask and try to answer this question: What has been the cause of the great river’s condition? How many causes can you list?

* * * * * * * * * *

Like the Holy Ganges River – the Neolithic epigraphs (c. 9,800 BCE), shrines and figurines, then the practices, shrines, figurines, and epigraphs of the Indus Valley, Mesopotamia and Ancient Egypt (3,300 – 1,300 BCE), the earliest compositions of the Brahmanas (Hinduism) around 800 BCE, the recordings of Confucianism, Zoroastrianism, and Buddhism between 551 – 300 BCE, the Hebrew/Judaic (150 BCE) and Roman/Christian fragmented scriptures, or bible passages (c. 300 CE), and finally the Arabian/Muslim Quran (c. 640 CE) – have all traveled through time, collected various modifiers, additives, or contaminates, all resulting in significant derivatives from the original purest water. Click here for a more extensive timeline.

One would think that a youthful candidate-believer might think twice before drinking the, let’s say, multifarious water, right?

Wrong.

Studies done from 2007 through 2011 in 40 countries around the world, including the United States show that the rational choice to adhere to a religion is heavily self-centered, not theological, not necessarily empirical, or not even miraculous, but instead based on the question, what will the decision cost ME?

One could then argue that the decision to adhere to a religion or religious lifestyle does involve adequate cognitive skills of ~~survival~~ servitude to peace and passivity, a noble cause; however, it lacks in higher rational thought and objective empirical simulation to achieve truth – that is cumulative truth for greater good as well as for a greater number.

Just because everyone seems to have a pet rock or smoke cigarettes doesn’t mean it is best for 7.46 billion plus humans. It is probably the result of clever glamorous sales and marketing, or because the ramifications of swallowing the ~~hook, line, and sinker~~ river water have yet to play out.

But the ~~tragedy~~ irony of it all is that the holy river and the tributaries that feed her have been around for thousands of years collecting billions of ingredients. Worse yet, millions of consumers of the holy water have known of its additives, modifiers, and contaminants for well over two centuries and still choose to bathe in it, drink from it, and distribute it. Let’s take a brief look at the various faith-stages downstream and their purity. However, for the sake of time, space, and effort I will not delve into the more peaceful tolerant religions (e.g. Buddhism) and their holy texts, but instead concentrate on the three major Abrahamic religions historically rout with violence and intolerance.

I have purposely put the following three Abrahamic religions in chronological order, top to bottom, oldest to newest because they all originate from ancient oral Judaism and earlier Neolithic practices. And like the Varanasi portion of the Ganges River, which originates from the Kanpur region, which originates before it in the Nepal Himalayas, so too Christianity, and more so Islam, are distant derivatives of oral Judaism.

Judaism – The Hebrew Scriptures

1st Temple of Solomon

The earliest written stories or narrations of the oral traditions of the Jewish people span about 13 centuries. Today’s Hebrew bible probably reached its current form in the 2^nd century CE. What is less well-known today is that in ancient Palestine, or the “Promised Land” to the Jews by the Hebrew God, writing was restricted to the rich nobility, governors, and high priests. It was also much too expensive for the illiterate masses which saw writing as magical and a gift from the gods; a long-held social tradition of governing. Manuscripts were the guarded knowledge of political and religious elites who were believed by the less educated commoners to be divine. William Schniedewind, the Kershaw Chair of Ancient Eastern Mediterranean Studies and Professor of Biblical Studies and Northwest Semitic Languages at UCLA, speaks about the formation of the early Hebrew Scriptures this way:

“Most biblical literature was written long before [586 – 539 BCE, the Babylonian exile]. However, the priests who took over the leadership of the Jewish community during this period preserved and edited biblical literature. Biblical literature became a tool that legitimated and furthered the priests’ political and religious authority.”

Notice he states “…preserved and edited” the manuscripts. Whether for political, economic, or religious status, oral stories put into biblical literature was ~~contaminated~~ edited by human priests-kings and their scribes. Therefore, it should be asked are the following passages from the Hebrew Bible a reflection of God, or a reflection of human writers/editors and their perceptions of their life and their world?

“Treat the Midianites as enemies and kill them.” (Num. 25:16-17)

“Go back and forth killing your brother and friend and neighbor” (Exod. 32:27)

“Slaughter old men, young men and maidens, women and children” (Ezek. 9:6)

“I will wipe humankind…from the face of the Earth.” (Gen. 6:7)

“Kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man” (Num. 31:17)

“Put to death men and women, children and infants” (1 Sam. 15:2-3)

And these six passages are just a small sampling of the Hebrew God portrayed in the Hebrew Scriptures. There are many more. One could compare this God to Satan or Hitler rather than a Father-figure with eternal love. But if the Jewish God is based on sacred ancient traditions and scriptures, and these passages were purposely kept and passed-on by the educated religious élite over 13 centuries as “sacred”, then can this trait of the Hebrew God ever be overlooked? It begs the question, is it any wonder why Palestine, Syria, Jordan, Lebanon, Israel, Egypt, and Iraq have been at war, or at least political enemies, for 2,000 years? They follow a violent, jealous, dividing, warring God! Why?

Under this light, my metaphor – the holy Ganges River – has its early tributaries contaminated and we are not even past the first third of the river-timeline.

Christianity – The Gospels, Acts, Epistles and Apocalypse

Even though the Christian New Testament is the ~~contaminated~~ offspring of the above Hebrew Scriptures, traditions, monotheism, and laws, their decrees of adherence cannot be misunderstood. For instance:

“Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”” (John 14:6)

Tomb of the Garden, Jerusalem

In case there might be the slightest doubt of the implications of this verse (one of several), according to the early Judaic-Christian élite gospel writers, who many followers today believe are the inspired direct (God-breathed) words of the one and only almighty God, anyone other than a publicly proclaimed, spirit-filled Christian, has no entitlement, no ear to or heart from the one and only God in Heaven. In other words, this Christian God embitters and ignores everyone on Earth who isn’t “Christian.” Where does this theology originate I wonder?

Because the Christian-faith is downstream of Hebrew theology and Scripture over several centuries and cultural influences, here are a few problematic scriptural tenets:

Who, if any, have ever seen God?
“No one has seen God at any time…” (John 1:18)

“But on the nobles of the children of Israel He did not lay His hand. So they saw God, and they ate and drank.” (Exodus 24:11)

“So Jacob called the place Peniel: “For I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.”” (Gen. 32:30)

Does this God love or hate sinners?
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)

“For You are not a God who takes pleasure in wickedness, nor shall evil dwell with You. The boastful shall not stand in Your sight; You hate all workers of iniquity.” (Psalm 5:4-5)

How does one acquire eternal salvation?
“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” (Eph. 2:8-9)

“And if by grace, then it is no longer of works; otherwise grace is no longer grace…” (Rom. 11:6)

“You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only.” (James 2:24)

Is a sinful creature created by a sinful Creator?
“(for you shall worship no other God, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God),” (Exo. 34:14)

“Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies,” (Gal. 5:19-20)

If it isn’t apparent that the Christian New Testament has far too many baffling ancient oral and written tenets passed down to it from several writers from several centuries, then click here for a more complete (1,588 to be exact) list of contradictions.

It should come as no surprise that the Christian gospels, acts, and epistles – the Varanasi portion of the holy Ganges River if you will – cannot possibly be the pure perfect water of life and salvation as the original Neolithic, Indus, Mesopotamian, or Egyptian headwaters. Or is “purest water” even possible? Those four earliest civilizations didn’t have alphabets! Communication was done by voice, song, body/hand motions, and epigraphs; a much more emotional form of communication primarily for governing, protection, and survival.

Islam – The Quran and Hadith

Dome of the Rock, Jerusalem

I go on record admitting that as a Westerner, born in the United States and having traveled to most of the world EXCEPT Asia and those portions of northern and eastern Africa that are Muslim, I have a very limited understanding and knowledge of primary Islam. Therefore, it is quite difficult to get a concise consensual explanation of Islam from various sources in the West. Yet, this quandary falls in line with the point of this post: with so vast and so old a plethora of tributaries feeding the Ganges River, and Islam being at or near the river’s outfall of Abrahamic religions and tenets, it should not be surprising. Islam too is not a monolithic religion and no one Muslim behaves as another. Yes, the river has become quite convoluted now.

Nevertheless, I want to be as fair and objective as possible. And who better to explain Islam than thousands of Muslims in a Gallup International poll inside 35 predominantly Muslim countries, and released by Unity Productions Foundation:

Another popular explanation of primary Islam is the plaque or card-flyer composed by Enver Musad in 1995 called The Truth About Islam. You may find it here. Unfortunately, like all the major world religions, not every Muslim adheres to one summary or interpretations of the Quran…again, supporting this post.

For the sake of time, space, and effort I will again condense the stigmas of Islam down to my three major issues:

#1 – Islam’s earliest traditions and tenets come from ~~contaminated~~ problematic roots, as I’ve already explained.

#2 – The status and role of women (Sharia) in many Muslim countries.
It was only as recent as May 2005 (effective in 2007) that Kuwait allowed their women the right to vote and contest elections; and Kuwait is considered one of the more Westernized Islāmic nations. Most Muslim nations still do not give women political or social equality; a practice which has apparently continued since about 640 CE after the Quran was written. Why has it taken Muslim men some 1,400 years to interpret the Quran and resolve this? Then again, it has taken the Christian world almost as long to rectify it as well. Ah, the woes of an entirely contaminated holy river.

Corporal punishment of “rebellious” women has been a widely accepted practice based upon chapter 4, verse 34 of the Quran for centuries. However, only over the last several decades has it come under intense scrutiny. A simple Googling of the verse (e.g. WikiIslam’s translation) demonstrates the confusion among Muslim scholars. Whether it is now changing or not doesn’t compare to the 1,400 years of cultural Sharia, i.e. the upstream waters.

#3 – How same-sex equality is viewed by Islam and the Quran.
The International Lesbian and Gay Association (ILGA) list countries that enforce corporal punishment or imprisonment upon same-sex relationships and activities; the majority are Muslim countries.

As I’ve inferred in a couple of my posts and directly challenged scientifically the errancy of anti-same-sex, pro inequality groups and laws in my post Sexual & Gender Ambiguity: My Once Gross Ignorance, I take serious issue with any group or nation that allows the violation of personal civil-rights to choose their sexual activity or partner regardless of gender. There simply isn’t the scientific facts to support such bigotry, hate, or even passive intolerance. Typically, the language of fervent religiosity, whether Jew, Christian, or Muslim, is evidently “above” mundane mortal science; as if Scripture and theology are impregnable and infallible. Science is sub-standard and unable to emit truths about this life, this planet, and its brilliant inhabitants.

At least the holy Scriptures of the three major Abrahamic religions all agree on the dubious “abomination.” Specifically in the Quran, Sura 4:20-21, 7:80-84, 11:78-81, 26:162-168, 27:55-57, and 29:28-31 all generally infer separation from God and society. The Muslim Hadith (sayings attributed to Muhammad but not broadly endorsed as authentic by all Muslim scholars) is more pronounced on its abomination and punishment according to Sharia. At the very least, Islamic culture and society is intolerant of same-sex behaviors and relationships. This position is entirely because it is the offspring of Christianity and Judaism, the upstream. These three issues are just a sampling of other problematic edicts I find with Islam and monotheistic faiths.

* * * * * * * * * *

You might be asking why any of this is relevant. It is relevant because most of the domestic and world political and social problems, including atrocities, are caused by ~~ignorance~~ ill-founded prejudices, elitism, segregation, and egocentric trans-generational teaching of those three ill-conceptions. Religious elitism, often discreetly projected behind political or military agendas, has fueled most of humanity’s darkest most horrid events and eras.

Assuming the a priori condition of a God, one God does indeed exist, an additional question that bears equal importance is this: If you proclaim intimate knowledge of and experience with a one and only God in Heaven, then specifically and unanimously(?) how has this knowledge and experience come to you?

To my knowledge there are only two methods of revelation and experience from an unseen spirit-God: (1) miraculous or paranormal experience(s), or (2) through their faith’s biblical scriptures and other followers. Based on these two methods, it begs the following question: Which is most reliable and most believable?

In my personal experience, when followers/believers are questioned about their biblical foundations of faith, they eventually – sometimes quickly or slowly based upon their apologetic savvy – resort to the “miraculous or paranormal” experience, which is not only harder to acutely examine by unaffiliated outsiders, but just as difficult for the believer/follower to explain! Why is this? It is exhausting because the vast majority of miraculous/paranormal experiences are extremely unique to that one person’s life, personality, and immediate environs, and in almost all cases those experiences are different from other followers/believers.

This does not mean those experiences are untrue or any less valuable to the world and life of others – especially if they turn the person into a more loving giving human being for a greater number of people – and this is fine. It becomes highly individualized, which should be an attached liability clause upon its veracity. Hence, it should be kept strictly an individual “faith.” But pushing (forcing?) it beyond that does make it impossible to standardize, prove, or unite “one true religious faith” – the one ~~lie~~ belief that has bred immeasurable death and suffering throughout all of mankind’s history! The thousands upon thousands of various sects and denominations of the world’s faiths bear witness that there is not and never has been one true faith.

With regard to a scriptural foundation, I have adequately shown the futility in portraying a unanimous, in-perfect-harmony life with all other “identical believers”. I have also written two historically-centered posts (view the History category for those posts, especially Constantine: Christianity’s True Catalyst/Christ, The Suffering Messiah That Wasn’t Jesus, and Correcting the Gospels of Jesus) illuminating the less-known cultural and political factors influencing early Christianity during and after the sacking of Jerusalem in 69-70 CE by the Roman legions and Empire.

All world religions have their time-specific, contributing cultural, political, and economic influences upon their infancy and roots. Interestingly, they often have less to do with miraculous, 1-in-a-million “divine events” or teachings, and more to do with mere survival or progressive status. Think about that.

This returns us to my metaphor…

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus of Ephesus

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus once said, “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” He could not have been more accurate, both in the literal sense of a river and in the story of man and man’s perception of the world told through his many varied religious faiths and just as many deconstructions and reconstructions of spiritual truth. Like a river, the religious water has never been the same, never as “pure” as the headwater. There are as many contaminants as there are purifiers and certainly no river is better or untouched than another.

Besides, water is only one small eco-system in an infinite table of macro-systems in an even larger more infinite cosmos of systems. As I continue to traverse this Ganges River, I repeatedly ask why the big puppet shows about a mythical deity no one group of puppeteers can define with harmony or consensus. Though Heraclitus taught his principle over 2,500 years ago, it rings truer today among naïve, unexamined fundamental religiosity.

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Addendum — After chatting with a blog-friend about this post, I realized the importance, no the paramount risk, we as Americans, as well as the human race, will one day face if we (Americans particularly) do NOT throw out our imperialistic, colonialist mentality (revolutionary heritage?) regarding foreign policy and perceptions. As the excellent video Inside Islam reports, as true as our domestic problems will become EVERYONE’S problems nationally, it is just as true globally with all races, all religions, all nationalities — because due to our insatiable imposing colonial-imperial self-interested heritage, ala the 1948 creation of Israel in Palestine as one example, we must NOW deal with the fires, the monsters America helped create around the world…not treating “them” Arab foreigners as ourselves or without full respect, without the highest tolerance and dignity offered.

On that note, and as I hoped I have conveyed, our personal, national, or “religious” differences are a result of our own pollution, contamination, and apathy, ignorance, violence… whether passive or direct. Let’s disarm ourselves by simply starting ‘at the Himalayas’. Or better yet, start with the Universe/Multiverse and cosmos, the onset, the dawn, the time and space before time and space, which much later feeds the Himalayas, which feeds the “Ganges”.

“Hello. I am a human-being from planet Earth. How can we collaborate and serve each other?”

Peace for you and all.

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This work by Professor Taboo is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at https://professortaboo.wordpress.com.

Fail Better

Posted on September 10, 2013 by Professor Taboo

Oliver Napoleon Hill, one of America’s greatest writers about self-improvement, motivation, and success once said “In every adversity lies the seed of an equal or greater opportunity.” In achieving a difficult goal, Hill conceptualized that the greatest reward was not in reaching the goal, but instead was in the will to continue in the face of growing doubts bred from failures. Most importantly to note is that Hill did not state “failure.” Critical to his concept was the kinetic word “failures.”

Everyone can make a long list of failures throughout their life; hopefully. If all hopes and dreams were easily gained, they would have little satisfaction and soon be forgotten. But it is the exhausting roads and persistent belief that with each setback, with each refinement of imperfection and expectation that create the most astonishing most memorable life experiences – to perhaps cauterize a realization that life and death work together, not in conflict. Neither need be feared. Contrary to antiquated religious teachings, no ‘stand-in’ is required, no depraved condition exists within us unless it is taught, accepted or internalized, and manifested as less-than capable by one’s self-will and surrounded environment chosen. No, quite the opposite should be taught: failures are a good option!

Care to revisit some famous failures that came with some spectacular silver linings?

1492 – Geneon explorer Christopher Columbus never did make it to India’s spices and wealth, but instead found much more; so much more that it changed the entire world. *

1804-06 – Cartographers and explorers Lewis and Clark set out to find a water passage from Midwest America to the Pacific Ocean. No such route exists, however, they documented the land, people, plants and animals which led to the bargain-basement steal of the Louisiana Purchase. *

1896 – Nineteenth century German engineer Otto Lilienthal first pioneered glider-flight that soon inspired the Wright brothers to powered-flight in America. Days later Lilienthal was killed in a flying accident attempting to perfect his glider. *

1937 – During the latter stages of Women’s Suffrage, aviatrix Amelia Earhart vanished while attempting to fly around the Earth’s equator. Regarding women’s rights she was quoted earlier saying, “[women’s] failure must be but a challenge to others.” *

1940 – The Tacoma Narrows Bridge had only been completed 4-months prior to its collapse due to high winds. Wind impact had not yet been fully understood during construction. Following bridge designs around the world included stabilizing measures and construction. *

1946-56 – Discovery of the 972 texts of the Dead Sea Scrolls at Khirbet Qumran, Israel, convincingly showed a much more comprehensive portrait and subsequently more diverse Second Temple Jerusalem than was traditionally portrayed in the canonical Christian Gospels; further confirming the truer nature of Judaism as opposed to the warring oppressive Greco-Roman version of later early-Christian groups closer to Rome. For one example of the two 1st century CE severe divergences, read Sign of Jonah in Talpiot Tomb confirmed just this year.

1970 – The Apollo 13 lunar mission failed due to an oxygen tank explosion lethally damaging the flight crew’s breathing system and service module. However, with ingenious adaptation and resourcefulness NASA brought all astronauts back home safely and with several critical later spacecraft changes. *

1991 – Locking eight scientists in a sealed terrarium called Biosphere 2 did not go as planned: food shortages, bad air, and “crazy ants” cut it short. Columbia University then the University of Arizona has since used it for successful eco-bio research. *

1993 – The Apple Newton is recognized as Apple Corporation’s biggest failure. The personal electronic assistant expired after 6-years of mediocre sales, but led the way for today’s highly popular iPad. *

1998 – NASA launched the Mars Climate Orbiter to examine the Martian climate. After a 287-day journey and over-budget costs the probe likely incinerated in the Martian atmosphere. The problem? NASA used the metric system in its designs, but the engineering team at Lockheed Martin used English units of measure. Now regular Martian orbiters and land-rovers explore the red planet with feasible developing plans of mining, colonization, and making Mars a leap-frog point into deeper parts of our solar system. *
[ * – National Geographic Magazine, Sept. 2013]
[paragraph break]

On a more personal level, an intimate level, these concepts are ever truer for our relationships, especially in marriage and parenting a family. Some of our best virtues can be born and honed with a marital partner and raising messy failing succeeding children. And the more the better!

Failure and success coexist. Though we may have been taught they are dire enemies, they are really identical twins from the same mother: a life and death well-made and well told.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

If — by Rudyard Kipling

[paragraph break]

How many wonderful failures have you made this week? Was one of them epic? Profound?

[paragraph break]

This work by Professor Taboo is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at https://professortaboo.wordpress.com.

A Bigger Shovel

Posted on August 31, 2013 by Professor Taboo

Limited Liability Clause: The names in this post have been changed to protect my body, my blog, and my personal property. Thus…

The limit of liability of this blog-author to the hyper-sensitive reader for any cause or combination of causes of mental and/or emotional duress shall be, in the total amount, limited to the fees paid under this post or $3.00 USD, whichever is greater or more fun.

* * * * * * * * * *

Benton courteously poured my second glass of Shiraz-Cab vintage 2012 as his wife Vidal asked me again puzzled, “What do you mean they required a specimen?” A peculiar silence filled the room. Even the perky ears of their toy Cairn-Manchester-mix terrier snapped to attention waiting on my answer.

Professor: Well, it was a matter of life and death, at the very least, image.

Vidal: What did you do?

Professor: I looked right into the tech’s eyes and with polite confidence said, You’re going to need a bigger container. She placed her hand below her neck and with bigger eyes whispered faintly “Oh my!”

It isn’t every day that someone stumbles upon crude unrecognizable tools in the heart of Sasquatch country. The primatologist needed more proof. Can you blame him? How big do you think they are? What would you need?

This leads me to another moral-of-the-story…story.

(paragraph break)

A mutual friend of Benton, Vidal, Delilah, and me, who was back in town visiting after moving back home to Kansas (no not Dorothy) is an adventurous curious lady I will call Ahmouray. We had gotten together for wine, snacks, and folly just for her and to hear the latest in her life. As it turns out the “latest” was a gentleman that restored old tractors and she had to immediately show us an iPhone picture of he and she next to his latest John Deere. Embracing each other with huge happy smiles, this tractor’s engine and wheels reached above their shoulders; massive! Ahmouray was obviously bubbly with excitement. You had to agree, Mr. John Deere had a big…

tractor.

Benton: How long have you known him?

Ahmouray: Two months. He is really sweet to me. It feels really right.

[Vidal is sulking trying to keep her lips tight]

Benton: Remember what happened to Mr. Wright #IV? – Referring to the last pathological liar with Alzheimer and a former police officer and priest. Yes, a priest and they met on Match.com. She married him after 6-months of dating and 1-month after moving in together.

Professor: Does he work on you as well as he works on his John Deere’s? I’d hate for you to fall into another disaster.

Vidal: [pops-off] …Or will he be another Dear John?

Ahmouray: I understand what you all are saying, but I am 62-years old. I don’t have an eternity!

Professor: It is okay to be alone sometimes. There is no set deadline for true companionship! Quality takes time unless you are a gifted psychic. Besides, you will have other man-husbands in your next lives too so don’t stress about how “little time you have to live!” Enjoy the freedom you have right now!

Ahmouray: I don’t believe God made me to be alone. I know Professor you and I differ on the meaning of this life, death, and God, but I am most happy as a well-cared for wife.

Delilah: Not any or every man who comes along with shining-armor, a smooth tongue, muscular body, and beautiful hair and tractors will be Mr. Wright #V!

Professor: And many Mr. Wright #IV – IX who are “priests” are on the internet! They call them virtual predators when they’re not in church! [looking toward Benton] Or does it matter where they are?

Ahmouray: I don’t have forever to look!

Professor: Hmm, especially if you have only a garden spade. [grin]

Vidal: [directed at Professor] What is the preferred size?

Benton: Doesn’t it depend on the amount of dirt or how pretty you want your…garden?

Professor: Exactly! Some need only a garden spade, others require front-loaders with dump trucks. I guess it depends on what you’re constructing. How deep the foundation should be depends on how long it will last, how much it will withstand, or what you’re digging up, huh?

Ahmouray: We have so much fun together! We talked over three hours on the phone last night. He is so nice to me. He has a Dachshund! [with a much peppier voice] Do you realize what that means!?

Dachshunds are Ahmouray’s favorite dogs. Her previous Mr. Wright #IV was also (as it turned out) a dog-lover on his internet profile, but in reality never owned a dog in his life. He never liked Ahmouray’s two dogs either.

Professor: Are you going to tell me next the dog’s name is Toto?

Ahmouray: No. Its name is Lady.

Professor: As in Gaga?

Ahmouray: No silly, as in Kenny Rogers!

At that point I believe the rest of us simultaneously downed our wine in two gulps. I asked Benton where the bottle was…he quickly got out of his recliner and said “I’ll get it and open another.” Expressing my “deep” appreciation I also asked our host and hostess, “Do you two prefer a spade or shovel?”

Vidal: If we are at an AA-NA meeting (her daughters are both addicts) spades are usually appropriate because of the group monitor/leader. [Benton agreed then added…]

Benton: But with this group shovels must be handy!

Professor: And at church?

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Out of Step

Posted on August 28, 2013 by Professor Taboo

Ever had those mornings or days when you say to yourself “I should really just go back to bed so I don’t hurt myself”? For awhile it has felt like things have been strangely out of alignment to me. It seems Murphy (of the firm Murphy’s Law, EDC, not LLC) is tagging around causing mischief and maniacally giggling with each train wreck. Or lately, no matter how hard I try my words and meaning come out of my mouth and head having disaster woven in everywhere. People look at me like I’m from outer space. Oh, and EDC stands for Excessive Disaster Creation.

That is what my last several days have felt like. So I have decided to just let Murphy have the stage and blog about it – get it over and give everyone else a few laughs at my expense and “his” warped gain.

Have you had any of these moments happen to you? I already know the answer; don’t answer that. I have had many laughs at others’ misfortune or embarrassments so I guess it’s my turn. I am a BIG fan of raw and open, and so to be candid, most all of them have happened to me too. Sometimes they come in bunches, other times they come in tidal waves. Always I am reminded just how ~~infrequently~~ often I need to be humbled relative to my rather ~~enormous~~ healthy ego. Images are not necessarily connected to protect the innocent and reflect the theme.

Accolades of Sir Murphy

Why paper coffee-filter companies’ pack all their filters to sub-atomic compactness so that one needs a microscopic-robotic surgeon’s tweezers to separate just one – when 5 a.m. dexterity doesn’t begin operating until at least 9 or 10 a.m. without coffee – is certainly one of Murphy’s doings!

A party memo lost…or lost in translation: The birthday person and guest-of-honor walks-in for their surprise party and everyone simply yell surprise but you begin singing happy birthday…out of pitch; everyone stares awkwardly at you. Yep, Murphy’s doing.

Your new romantic partner introduces you to their parents, including grandparents, and you greet the mother as the grandmother while she then gives you the death-stare and a very limp hesitant handshake like you have leprosy. Murphy.

This is a popular Murphy trick: rushing out to your car with coffee mug in one hand, office work, lunch or briefcase/purse in the other hand, put something down on the roof to open the door, get in, drive, and at the nearest or next to the nearest red-light you break to a stop; objects on your car roof come tumbling down the windshield, hood, and front-bumper and startled, you scream/jump, probably dropping your cell phone on the floor. Several cars are behind you and the light turns green. Definitely Murphy!

You and some coworkers are out to lunch. Sharing jokes with everyone, one particular joke goes over your head. Extremely relieved that another one says they don’t get it, you still don’t get the explanations. Everyone begins talking about the joke, and then one of your coworkers asks why you’ve become so quite. Damn it Murphy!

Do I need to go into the reliability of vending machines? Enough said.

When my son was four and five years old, he used to love running at me for a hug and to be picked up. After the first three sprints to Dad, I ~~painfully~~ quickly learned to bend my knees and bend over to salvage what was left of my impacted testicles. Murphy…in a very warped way. Don’t ask me how some of our father-son baseball batting lessons have gone — my son has a very quick swing!

You are on a first or second date with the one you perceive a long happy future with while taking a stroll in a public park. You’ve spent the entire day/evening trying to impress them. Now you must find a toilet rather soon, in order to sit…for awhile. With Cupid’s incessant harp and barrage of arrows, you have failed to check the stall or bathroom for any type of soft paper-products to finish your private business. Nothing, nowhere; anywhere! Just outside the door he/she asks if you are alright. What will your answer be? What action will you take? Where the hell is Murphy!? Do women always carry inside their huge purses toilet papers or wipes?

When you are certain the world is not right.

Many think that hidden keys are for those expected visitors or family to enter through a door. Absolutely not! They are for me and that unwelcomed jerk Murphy. I have spare keys everywhere; on, in and under my car or the RV, two or three around the house/apartment, and one or two for work. I got tired of locking myself out at gas stations, RV parks, home, or work…especially after hours…waiting on building security or worse, your boss. I keep out myself more than I’ve EVER kept out robbers, salesmen, or nosy family members. And some damn windows, always the lowest ones, are indeed impenetrable!

And then there are those weeks when Murphy is having a fricking July 4^th gag-party with me with fireworks and Tchaikovsky playing. During those times with my glum face of defeat, I’ve played this song at least 30-times…

Do you have a Murphy’s war story to share? Rather than laughing at myself I would love to laugh at someone else for a change…please!

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P.S. Once I’ve passed through this temporary off-kilter wacky phase I’m in, I will quickly return to my other pleasures and perspectives of social-lifestyles, history, humor, science, religious intolerances, etc. Thank you all for your patience. I am more than ready to be rid of Murphy and his menacing jokers, believe me!

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Antoinette Tuff

Posted on August 22, 2013 by Professor Taboo

Hero Antoinette Tuff

This will be a news story told the next several days a thousand times, praised a hundred different ways, and likely gone viral on social media. This last Tuesday in Decatur, Georgia a simple office clerk at an elementary school, full of students, treated a psychologically unstable gunman as a human being and averted a potentially bloody all too familiar school massacre. The risks that Antoinette Tuff had put herself can only be described as temporarily super-human — the right person, with the right background, in the right place at the right time — possibly saving many more young innocent lives.

If you haven’t yet listened or watched the news footage on all major networks, then do it. It is well worth the time. Here’s the CNN link: click here.

This story and lady hits a very personal nerve and flashback with me. I have been in (and in some ways am still in today) practically the exact same situation Ms. Tuff found herself. My personal story with a mentally unstable gunman can be read here: What Was I Thinking?

I am also an elementary-middle school teacher. I am a brother to a psychiatric sister who often either gets off her psych-meds or is forced off her psych-meds due to clinical restrictions, bureaucratic tape or “economic policy.” Our local state hospital and nearby meds-clinic just recently had a woman refused her psych prescriptions (reasons unknown to me) then left the clinic emotionally distraught in her car and crashed it 3-blocks away, killing herself and injuring others at the four-way red-light intersection. I am also a former 3 1/2 year employee of a Psych-A&D hospital’s Intake Office or Crisis Center/Office. I do indeed have personal experience with many situations like Ms. Tuff experienced, including her own divorce — for me two divorces — and thoughts of suicide by her self and her gunman; although in my personal experience the suicide was accomplished.

So watching and listening to Ms. Tuff’s situation and 911 call, choked me up and touched a sensitive emotional nerve with me…to put it mildly.

I have three points or questions I want to present to my readers and followers:

Did Ms. Tuff’s demeanor and treatment of the gunman de-escalate his emotional and mental instability, or did the gunman eventually recognize his own insane behavior?
How far should individuals or society allow mental psych patients (on or off their meds) to throw tantrums of highly inappropriate behavior, even violence, to get what they want?
Given that the majority of mental psych patients (and often their families) cannot function perfectly in society or jobs/careers, WHO should foot their treatment bills? Who suffers most when people like this gunman snap?

With these questions I hope to draw attention to America’s increasingly social dysfunctional problem-solving systems and education, as well as how best to address them. Do we keep locking them up? They’ve done that hundreds of times with my sister with little improvement other than temporary band-aids.

Please let me hear your comments, thoughts and feelings. Because one day you may find yourself face-to-face with the same type of gunman. What would you do in Ms. Tuff’s situation?