An Alzheimer’s & Family Update

Posted on January 26, 2025 by Professor Taboo

Some of you may have noticed that I have been around our blogging community less, perhaps noticeably less. You would be right. That has been the case for some 3-5 months now, I’m unsure really. Here’s why… well, several reasons why.

Life. And…

Immediate family, specifically my Early Alzheimer’s Mom and unfortunately and negatively my 61-year old sister.

Mom

Much of what I’ve been having to do to care full-time/overtime 14-16/7 hrs. per day, 365-days the past near four years for my Mom has been covered in these previous three blog-posts: Click here for the first post, then the 2nd and 3rd are all linked together after.

No surprise, she has declined a little more since my last Alzheimer update-post in November 2023. Hence, my free-time to write blogs, comment on blogs I follow, or explore new blogs I’d enjoy has gone by the wayside to this present day.

Mom has now reached the point where cognitively and physically she cannot and/or is unable to help me do anything at all around our apartment. None of the daily or weekly chores for both our bedrooms, the bathrooms, the tub/shower, cleaning the kitchen daily 2-4 times per day, preparing two meals a day, all the grocery weekly/bi-weekly shopping and pharmacy trips, vacuuming and mopping of the apartment, caring for all the plants inside and outside as well as my herb garden outside—all of which are dead now and most are dead inside—and the chauffeuring to quarterly or biannual doctor appointments; she no longer drives.

Regarding my hard work on my herb garden, roses, and gorgeous geraniums outside last year, this past summer, autumn, and now winter has been utterly brutal on all outdoor plants/gardens. In the summer last year we had one of the worst infestations of huge tan-brown-green grasshoppers that devoured everyone’s plants. Some huge grasshoppers were at least 4-inches long. Extreme boiling temps in the day and extreme frigid temps at night doomed my 2024 efforts. On top of this unmitigated garden disaster, for 8-days straight I was so deathly ill I could not get out of bed, ever. I struggled bad to walk to the bathroom. I never ate during those 8-days. Consequently, all the indoor and outdoor plants suffered horribly.

One of my top priorities this late January is reapplying for her Long-Term Medicaid assistance for her eventual admittance into a full-time Assisted Living Memory Care facility where here in the central Hill Country of Texas are all extremely expensive, between $4,800/mon. to $7,300/mon. Most are private pay only. I must get assistance for this third reapplication as I learned the hard way last year—by ending up in the hospital for four nights back in late June—by a Medicare family consultant to guarantee that Mom gets approved. She does incredible work and has tons of experience in this hyper-complicated politicized out-tha-whaa-zoo process here in Texas. That was part of the reason why I ended up in the hospital with serious heart and stress-hypertension problems.

Concluding with Mom I have this comparison…

I was a stay-at-home Dad when my son was an infant until he turned two and my daughter at the time was 7- to 8-years old in elementary school. In 1999-2001 I was the stay-home parent during the day when their mother (my ex-wife now) was at her 8-9 hr. job in downtown Dallas. We lived at that time in a nice starter home in Carrollton, Texas. When she returned from work, and I had dinner ready and homework done, I went to my graveyard shift security guard job at 7:00pm until 7:00am the next morning. I did this for 18-months. By far the hardest jobs I have EVER had in my life!

Now, since August 2021, I am caring for—for all intents and purposes—my last 4-year old child… Mom. Literally. The huge difference, however, between my stay-home-Dad days/nights and right now since August 2021 is that I have been and still am “A One Man Show and Bad Dance.” Back in my married months/year I at least had a wife-partner and parent. Not this go round. This is harder than those 18-months, much harder. The “end” of this rough go will eventually be very different.

My Sister and Her 48-Year “Disease”

As a footnote to my header up top, my sister now weights over 275 lbs., not that weight in the Xmas 2014 picture. And that is the least health problems she has at present.

My 61-year old sister is also a Schizoid-affective Bipolar of about 25-30 years with regular bouts of very manic behavior. She is also a 48-year drug addict and alcoholic. And she also has poor judgement, cognition, and temperament or composure in stressful environments, all due in part to her psychiatric diagnoses. She is also presently on about 6-7 various psych meds daily. There’s the introductory details of what I must often help with, manage, or try to stop the hemorrhaging, as it were, when she has a psychotic meltdown.

On October 9th through October 17th, 2024, she had a major meltdown on me that involved her calling the police department on me—for a 2nd time that year, first in Feb. 2024—and became physically violent toward me inside Mom’s and my apartment almost breaking down or through my locked bedroom door. However, this was after her public meltdown with me at Western Union inside the local Walmart. If you are not familiar with psychiatric-psychologically dysfunctional people with a long, long history of disorders, eight prior felonies, prior addresses of residence that include over 25 Halfway Houses & Shelters, homeless 3-4 times under highway overpasses, and a long list of low-wage jobs that are longer than an encyclopedia… then just believe me when I say this: During those breakdowns/meltdowns, it is pure chaos and a rollercoaster of manic behavior sometimes lasting for over 10-12 hours without medication or in some cases until she is arrested by law-enforcement.

Then also imagine the stress, distress, crying, and emotional exhaustion she puts my elderly Mom through each episode, and you have a slight glimpse of what Mom and I have dealt with since 1978.

Should any of you wish to read the email (Page 1 click here, pg. 2 click here, short pg. 3 click here) I had to send to my sister about this latest 9-day/night psychotic meltdown on me—she was impossible to speak with civilly or maturely and logically those days and nights that I had to get a hotel room 2-nights when she wouldn’t leave Mom’s apartment—so consequently we have yet to speak to each other either in person or by phone or text message. She’s been and still being a royal, immature, asshole to me over a situation I had no control over whatsoever. As is often the case with arguing family members, the initial issue and subsequent meltdown at Walmart had to do with money, her portion of money Mom said she could have from the sale of Mom’s 2007 Toyota Avalon XL Sedan that I had completed after 4-months listed, all by myself, on Oct. 5th, 2024 for $7,600. The rest of the insanity is available via the “click here” links above.

∼ ∼ ∼ § ∼ ∼ ∼

Therefore, the moral of my quick post here is that my “free-time” has been slipping further away the last 8-26 months as Mom continues to decline, my workload in everything around here increases because I have zero help—with the small exception of Mom’s professional hospice team that visits 3-times a week for 30-40 minutes at most, not on weekends or holidays—and my sister with her horribly shitty attitude and refusal to help out with Mom, much less help me with Mom with anything simple… just eats up every bit of every day now. And it doesn’t appear to be changing anytime soon.

My apologies my friends and followers. It is the hand of cards I’ve been delt for the moment. 🤷‍♂️

P.S. Oh! Almost forgot, my two kids in the header picture above. Since Oct. 6th, 2019, both of them no longer consider me existing. They have been heavily brainwashed and influenced by their mother’s and their maternal grandfather’s radical evangy-fundy Christian nationalistic theology and behavior to all non-believers that “God’s and Christ’s truly saved people should not and cannot be of the world [of sin and Satan].” They must totally separate themselves as “truly saved ones,” from all non-Christians. My two kids have not uttered a word to me or sent me even a text message since Oct. 6th, 2019. And they haven’t once answered my calls, text messages, or birthday cards sent to both since Oct. 6, 2019. 😔

Live Well – Love Much – Laugh Often – Learn Always

What’s Going On?

Posted on August 9, 2024 by Professor Taboo

It has been quite some time since I’ve had a bit of free time to draft and publish a blog-post. Why is that you ask? Well, several reasons to be honest. One right now, this morning, I’m somewhat free because Mom, who is now into Early Alzheimer’s Disease stayed up until at least 4:30am last night. This typically means she sleeps until 1pm–3pm. Hence, I am currently semi-uninterrupted by her and her frequent needs. As such I can operate around the house and free from her same questions of me several times throughout the day and night. 🙂 Reason #1.

*I’ve had to put Mom on a “12 Questions Only” limitation per day/night! Otherwise, the Brainiac Answers Store would be technically open 18-hours a day. Ugh.*

A second reason is due to Mom’s gradual decline over the last 3-years and noticeably so the last 4-6 months and my tasks, chores, and managing ALL of her financial and business affairs, her daily-nightly meds, her two meals a day/evening, including healthy gourmet dishes and recipes I prepare each day and have been over the last 1,316 days, usually takes up most 12–14 hours of my days and nights. Yes, I am a one man Dog & Pony Show day in and day out. Not much free time to blog.

*The sign that goes up on my bedroom door or in the living room when Mom has used up her quota limitation of 12 Q’s* 😉

The most critical reason I have not been able to blog for awhile is twofold:

1) Since February 2024 my sister (well, not so much my sister) and I were trying to transition my Mom into an Assisted Living Memory Care facility in Kerrville by the end of July this year. The months of April, May, June, and early July were a literal high-stress, high-anxiety 3 1/2 months for me beyond anything I’ve had to handle all my life.
- I was having to handle Mom’s second laborious Texas Medicaid application to assist her with the high exuberant costs of modern elderly dementia healthcare. Anyone who’s familiar with Medicaid apps knows what a prolonged nightmare the process becomes. To say too much detailed personal information is a gross understatement.
- I was having to handle the transfer of vehicle titles (three in Mom’s name) over to myself—two Toyotas to me—and one Dodge to my sister which Mom years earlier had bought for her. Why was this a must? Texas Medicaid considers all property as a wealth asset to eventually deny applicants if the assets are too much, like $1,500 total. Ridiculous! This was a lengthy process, especially when the state’s Tax Assessor computer network frequently went down. 😡 Naturally, she “gifted” for free these two Toyotas to me because she absolutely cannot make any profits on the sales; it would disqualify her Medicaid app immediately.
- I was handling the search for an above-average to great ALMC facility that wasn’t above $4,700/mon and would accept Medicare and Medicaid. A very tough ask here in rural Texas. Most good-to-great nursing facilities are $5,200–$7,000 per month and rising every year in the Texas Hill Country, and sadly we live in a very wealthy Kerr County. Many wealthy retirees here and thus it is a HUGE revenue market for private geriatric retirement homes, apartments, and nursing-rehab facilities. None of which accept Medicare or Medicaid. Incredibly frustrating.
- I was still handling all the daily house chores, particularly non-stop kitchen cleaning—Mom won’t clean up after herself—healthy gourmet meal preparations, her doctor appointments and prescription refills, her morning and evening meds consumption at correct times of the day/evening, as mentioned her entire finances, bill payments, etc., including monthly fights with her retirement health coverage through ExxonMobil Service Benefits who royally fucked up her payments account while transitioning onto a newer, “improved” website platform. They informed us after their massive screw-up that we owed them $787+ in missed payments from the previous two years 2022–2023 due immediately! 🤬 Needless to say, there was no way in hell we could come up with $787+ to keep her ExxonMobil Health Benefits with Aetna. We were already struggling bad to make ends meet after the previous 2-3 years of hyper-inflation and corporate America gouging us at every opportunity! I also had to manage Mom’s Long-Term Care Insurance policy premiums—$471 quarterly—that she would absolutely NEED at a ALMC facility. To make matters worse, Mom’s Social Security Benefits only barely kept us afloat! Then to make that worse, she received too much SSI benefits to qualify for Medicaid! Incredibly infuriating. 😡
2) All this heavy stress, anxiety, and overwhelming busy days for 1,316 days, the last 3 1/2 months the absolute worst, fighting constantly corporate America… has all taken a major toll on my own health as a one-man show Caretaker. On June 23^rd, 2024, at 11:35pm I was taken by ambulance to the ER and hospitalized for four nights as I was having troubled labored breathing, zero strength, and becoming incoherent. My long-time nurse friend up in Dallas, TX told me I was on my way to having a stroke. See image below.

At first, this above bill was over $15,000+. I have seven other bills from doctors, laboratories, and the EMT ambulance bill all totaling over $21,500 on top of my more frequent PCP follow-up doctor visits, and now my new cardiologist bill because I now have tachycardia and AFib of the heart. 😔

One thing that is not obvious above, my last 4-years, particularly in April, May, June and early July, of being Mom’s full-time, overtime Caretaker for 14-18 hours per day/night is my increased alcohol consumption to keep my sanity. It has been my self-medication to stay relaxed. Also, due to my inability to stay in Dallas long-term—always having to move back down to help my mother and 48+ year addict/psych sister—has pushed me into chronic depression, now major depression. Enter escitalopram, in addition to my other prescription meds over the years: amlodipine, lisinopril, atorvastatin, and now blood-thinner med.

So there you have it, my last 4-months and 3-years here in small rural, redneck Kerrville, Texas, not having or able to have (yet) my own fun happy life in Dallas. By the way, due to Mom and I selling her large ranchita home here in December 2019 for over $535,700, she was quickly disqualified for Medicaid assistance for 2024 in August. Utterly exhausting and disheartening after several months of work toward Mom’s transition into a good ALMC facility. My plans to return to Dallas, Texas have been postponed until August 2025. 🤦‍♂️

There is much more I have left out here, not the least of which has been my sister’s 4-5 drug relapses since I moved back down here in August 2021. I’m not going into how badly that effects Mom, and frustrates the living fire out of me. Since I’ve returned home from hospital, she rarely comes around anymore to see Mom or help me out, which she asked me this question back at the end of June, “Dwain, what can we do to keep you from being hospitalized again?” My answer was fast: I need more of your help here with Mom and the constant chores. It is all way too much for me without any help from Mom.

She has done the exact opposite of what I asked from her. Hardly ever around.

Live Well – Love Much – Laugh Often – Learn Always

Haven’t Forgotten

Posted on April 15, 2024 by Professor Taboo

This post is merely a bulletin, a progress report and a reminder, for myself, and my followers patiently expecting the last installments of two blog-series I have yet to finish. They are:

Conclusion: A New U.S. Constitution
Paul, Acts, Forgeries & Marcion – Part III (the Marcion part)

There are several other drafts pending and waiting to be finished, but it seems they will have to wait longer to be completed and published.

As many of you know I am the full-time/overtime caretaker of my mom 7-days and nights a week. She suffers from severe dementia which has now progressed into Early Alzheimer’s Disease. Her condition has been noticeably progressing since at least 2017, but has really advanced the last 18-months. She now requires more than one person (me) to care for her. I am no longer able to care for her as one person. I’ve been a one-man show since August of 2021 with very few and limited breaks so this is not only required for her, but more so myself.

Come this June or July—that’s the time-frame we are shooting for—Mom will be admitted into an Assisted Living Memory Care facility. You might imagine what all has to be done to 1) find the best Assisted Living Memory Care facility, 2) move out of her current Senior Living apartment and lots of furniture moved into storage, 3) getting all the legal paperwork sorted out to move her into an Assisted Living Memory Care facility, 4) the Long-term Care insurance policy claim initiated, which has been done, 5) her late husband’s Veteran’s Benefits Assistance initiated, 6) get Durable Power of Attorney completed, and 7) finally get myself completely moved back up (again) to Dallas, Texas after all tasks for Mom have been completed. Then 8) find employment in the Dallas metroplex that pays enough to live on and hopefully (fingers crossed 🤞) with a little safety net rainy day fund. The latter is not as easy as it once was 25-35 years ago. Wages in Texas have not kept up with “inflation” or the cost of living per zip code.

In other words, my next 10 or 12 weeks are going to be quite busy, to say the least. I will do what I can for my blogging, but I can make no promises. I do appreciate all of your patience and understanding. At some point in late July or early August I will be back into Dwain’s full-swing and living his own life once more. It is so needed and cannot come soon enough for me. 🙂

Live Well – Love Much – Laugh Often – Learn Always

Early Alzheimer’s Update

Posted on November 8, 2023 by Professor Taboo

My free-time for WordPress blogging and commenting, on all of my sites, is going to become very short, sometimes infrequent or rare. My soon-to-be 84-year old mother will be going into a full-time Memory Care Assisted Living facility this month or early December. Her Stage 7 Dementia is now into Early Alzheimer’s.

Two other reasons have caused this over the last 4-5 months. First, Mom has fallen twice in the last 3-months. She is unable to get up from the floor or ground on her own if no one is nearby or within earshot. Fortunately, I was home when these last two falls occurred. One of them was around 2:30am when I got out of bed to use the restroom. She happened to hear me and yelled for my help. She had no idea how long she had been on the floor or how she fell/tripped.

The second reason she must go into Assisted Living is because alone by myself, 12-16 hours per day with her, the last 28-months (with no day off every single one of those 12-16 hrs days), has almost killed me. I can no longer manage everything for her life, especially with no respites at all for that long. Mentally, emotionally, and physically… I am fried, spent.

*Mom at Mackinac Island, MI, June 2021 (L), and Mom & I at Kerrville Renaissance Festival, Jan. 2023*

As a result of these 850+ days and nights of non-stop caretaking, I have developed chronic health problems. My own health has taken a serious nosedive the last 12-14 months primarily due to a worsening of my sacroiliitis, agitated and inflamed daily due to the fact that Mom’s Senior Community apartment is designed for elderly wheelchair residents, i.e. everything, and I mean everything in the bathrooms, sinks, kitchen appliances, pantry, bathtubs, closets, etc, are intentionally installed/built down low, where I must constantly bend over/down or get on one knee or sit on a footstool. Two plus years of doing this daily has three-times dropped me to the floor in the fetal position in excruciating pain.

It can wait no longer. I now have no choice but to greatly improve or recover my own health.

Therefore, my sister and I will be moving Mom into River Point of Kerrville within the next 2-4 weeks. This also means me moving out, perhaps back to Dallas, TX. This is up in the air for the moment. But one thing is certain: I can no longer live in a small country rural town with so many ultra-religious, super-Conservative rednecks and a never-ending sea of LOUD (diesel) monster pickup-trucks that don’t fit inside ANY parking-space in any parking lot! And I won’t go into the intellectual levels or prowess (or lack) of most people in this four-county area. I badly need more brain-stimulations on higher levels, period.

Hence, please excuse my increased absence here, on WordPress and your blogs. Hopefully, when life settles back down and returns (for me at least) to “normal,” after I know exactly where I will be living and working (again), then I shall be back in force. 🙂

Live Well – Love Much – Laugh Often – Learn Always

Dementia Update

Posted on July 18, 2022 by Professor Taboo

As some of you know or have noticed over the years, I am unable to post on a consistent regular basis as I once did my first decade on WordPress. My commenting and participation on other blogs I enjoy following, sadly has become very limited as well. If you are fairly new to my blog, visiting, or browsing WP, the reason there are much fewer posts is due to my Mom’s Stage 5 Dementia, which is really now well into early symptoms of Stage 6 with fewer mixes now or crossover with Stage 5.

In my December 2021 post about her cognitive decline I listed and briefly explained all the various stages. As of 2022, it seems the general consensus of all the seven stages are known and what the adult children of parents with dementia, or early onset Alzheimer’s Disease, can expect. Here is Stage 6 according to Dementia.org:

Stage 6: Moderately Severe to Severe Dementia

“When the patient begins to forget the names of their children, spouse, or primary caregivers, they are most likely entering stage 6 of dementia and will need full time care. In the sixth stage, patients are generally unaware of their surroundings, cannot recall recent events, and have skewed memories of their personal past. Caregivers and loved ones should watch for:

Delusional behavior
Obsessive behavior and symptoms
Anxiety, aggression, and agitation
Loss of willpower

Patients may begin to wander, have difficulty sleeping, and in some cases will experience hallucinations.”

Mom shows all of those four bullet-points now, although three of the four on some days and then perhaps two of the four other days. But there is always at least two of four every single day. She definitely needs supervision at minimum 12-16 hours per day with some of that time (1-hr at most) a “check-in” or Q&A time sporadically with her throughout the day to gauge how she’s getting along.

Friends and neighbors sometimes ask me how I am doing, how I’m managing my own health and social needs. Apparently, Caretakers of elderly parents with dementia or Alzheimer’s are often overwhelmed in a period time if they receive no relief, no break for themselves and don’t become well-informed of the two diseases. Another thing I’ve heard from the support-group I attend once a month is that the role of caretaker is usually a thankless job/role. Since late-stage dementia is basically early Alzheimer’s Disease, Alz.org lists Ten Symptoms of Caregiver Stress. I currently tick 9 out of 10 symptoms. The biggest reason why? I’ve been going non-stop, no break, every single day and night as her full-time, live-in caretaker since mid-August 2021, or over 47-weeks straight with no respite.

Back in late April of this year I was supposed to get a much needed 6-day, 5-night vacation up in Dallas, my hometown where all my good friends still live. We had several plans made and fun, exciting things to do, dancing, umm… and maybe some drinking included! 😉 But here’s what happened that week/weekend that changed everything: In Memoriam to My Brother. Hence, no real vacation for me at all. I spent the vast majority of my time at the hospital sitting with James, followed by waiting (alone) in my hotel room some 4-5 days and nights for decisions and details about his funeral. I had no motivation to go out alone or with friends; I wasn’t great company then anyway.

So yeah, over 47-weeks now and still counting.

Meanwhile, Mom and I march on, day-in and night-out, fighting a cognitive disease that takes a little more brain-space from her than we can actually replace or take back. But we do have our victories here and there. That’s when Mom wants to celebrate big with either glasses of her Pinot Grigio or I make a pitcher of my world famous El Presidente margaritas, which have a good patada de toro to the ass or head, whichever it reaches first. Hah! 🍸🥳 These are our cherished good times and there will come a day when they aren’t possible. And so we enjoy them thoroughly, when we can, and at length for sure. “Do you know what I mean?” 😍