Expectations

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Communication

2ears-wilbanks

image WikiHow.com

While I share my thoughts on how critical mastering communication skills are for life, I will also take this opportunity to update everyone on my job/career status; the other night the two went hand-in-hand beautifully.

The update from What’s My Story?:  I am now training with and soon to be working as a tutor with a well-established national educational-tutoring company helping struggling students in areas of math, reading, writing, and test-preps.  This is my evening job and the primary purpose of this post.  I am also currently substitute teaching in one Dallas-area school district, and soon to be substituting in a second Dallas-area school district; yes, three separate jobs to make ends meet.  Despite the long hours six-days a week, I am grateful to be working again.  But that’s not what I want to talk about.

The other night while observing and assisting the short-staffed learning center, one student was originally from China.  He was a very bright 16-year old boy who spoke good English and has lived here about ten months.  He was being tutored in advanced English writing and literature.  One of his vocabulary words for the night was “exciting” and how to use it in various sentences.  Of his five words to learn, this one was the most difficult for him.  Tchang (as I will call him here) could not understand the difference between the uses of exciting versus excited.  If you are an American having spoken English your entire life, how would you explain the differences to Tchang?

Our attempts to differentiate the two words seemed to confuse Tchang just as much as they seemed to help.  After several different examples, in the end his perplexed expressions never receded.  Why?

If the English language is not your native tongue, then of the world’s many thousand languages to learn, English is perhaps the hardest to speak and write.  Unfortunately, Tchang was learning just how hard it can be.  Empathizing with his frustration I explained it wasn’t his fault for not understanding but that it was our/my language; a very complex and often redundant language.  English words and their uses can sometimes have one or a half-degree of separation, perhaps less.  Yet they will indeed describe a slight difference…which leads me to my big-picture point.

Communication isn’t just a skill; it is the linchpin of one’s true identity.

If you do not master the art of communication, then life will often seem an uphill battle.  This holds true just as much for those around you; their communication skills can be just as trying on your patience like trying to navigate a circus fun-house maze of meaning.

Let me merely scratch the surface of how profound communication is to life.  “The ability to communicate effectively is important in relationships, education, and work.”  Following are steps and tips for the development of good communication from WikiHow.  After the first two highlights are explained, for the sake of time and space go to the WikiHow link for the remaining detailed explanations.

Understand the Basics

  1. Know what communication really is.  Communication is the process of transferring signals/messages between a sender and a receiver through various methods (i.e. written words, nonverbal cues, spoken words).  It is also the mechanism we use to establish and modify relationships.
  2. Have courage to say what you think/feel.  Be confident that you can make worthwhile contributions to conversation.  Take time each day (meditate?) to be aware of your opinions and feelings so you can adequately convey them to others.  Individuals who are hesitant to speak because they do not feel their input would be worthwhile need not fear.  What is important or worthwhile to one person may not be to another and may be more so to someone else.
  3. Practice.

Engage Your Audience

  1. Make eye contact constantly.
  2. Use gestures often.
  3. Don’t send mixed messages.
  4. Be aware of what your body is saying.
  5. Manifest constructive attitudes and beliefs.
  6. Develop effective listening skills.  Think twice, speak once.

Use Your Words to Impact

  1. Enunciate your words.
  2. Pronounce your words correctly.
  3. Use the right words that accurately convey your thoughts and feelings.
  4. Slow your speech down!

Use Your Voice to Impact

  1. Develop your voice – A high or whiny voice is not perceived to be one of authority or authenticity.
  2. Animate your voice.
  3. Use appropriate volume.

Though some of us might think these steps/tips are well-known or even intuitive, the present history of mankind and womankind speaks to the contrary.  On any level of communication, from world powers to individual family or marital relationships, communication is paramount!  Perhaps it is safe to say that wherever there has been violence, hatred, or wars, there has been a massive failure of communication.  Conversely, wherever there is or has been peace, love, and collaboration, there has been superb communication.  Though it is not quite that simple, this generally stands true does it not?

reason and passion

Can you communicate both organs effectively?

Then there is the wrench of deception; intended or unintended.  This is an entirely different matter and deserves a separate discussion, particularly intended deception.  For now, I wish to dabble, or languish depending on circumstances, in the art of interpersonal language and communication, or the lack of it.  Also, I have observed an unspoken hierarchy present in human interaction of which I have personally broken them down into these six following hierarchies.  I’m very curious; how would YOU define them in the context of “authentic” impactful communication?

  1. Strangers are –
  2. Acquaintances are –
  3. Friends are –
  4. Close-friends, dear friends (platonic?) are –
  5. Lovers are –
  6. Soul MateS are –

Expressing one’s self to others requires understanding one’s self accurately.  If you do not understand why you feel or think a certain way, or in a context how you’ve come to feel or think a certain way, then how can you accurately express it?  Language and words express as much emotion as they do fact, sometimes one more than the other.  How well do your words match your emotions?  Better yet, how well do they match your actions or behavior?  What is meant when people say “Actions speak louder than words”?

There seems to me to be a pure art of communication and language, and that purity is mysteriously hard to find sometimes not just in others, but within ourselves too.  I love being around elementary kids because they still have that blatant innocence to express exactly what they think and feel that we sometimes don’t find among adults.  In a group of strangers or acquaintances where little children are present, why do the adults so often invest their attention onto the children instead of the adults?  I find this social condition…

…obtuse.

I am puzzled by this blurry condition of artful candid communication today so to understand…

I wonder if it might be because as we “mature” we become more sensitive to the way others perceive us.  In potential romantic relationships – for that matter even certain long-term relationships – do we sacrifice authenticity to be more loved?  And if that is the case, then isn’t that living an illusion?  Is it because of a fear of rejection that we do not communicate authentically but in diluted forms in order to be served in some way?

I would very much like to hear any and all feedback on the condition of modern communication; modern verbal communication in interpersonal relationships particularly.  How do you find the art of interpersonal communication?  From the 6 hierarchies above, is it right or wrong to authentically communicate another’s ‘status’ or ‘ranking’ in your heart?

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Shrike or Shriek

Loggerhead-ShrikePaying homage this Halloween I will howl one of nature’s prettiest and deadliest masked predators.  If you and your children are out in suburbs or rural flat-lands costumed to the max trick-or-treating, leave your pet insect or little pet reptile safely at home!  There is a little cute bird out that would cast nicely into even the most horrific Stephen King movie.  I do not speak of your typical vampire bats or Edgar Allen Poe’s raven.  The Aves Lanius, better known as the “butcher bird” or Shrike, impales and proudly displays its victims out in the open for all to see; well, sort of.  But do not let the Shrike’s dainty behavior or harsh song fool you.  When it is on the hunt, its killer instinct can rival many a Jurassic carnivore.

Beware!  And don’t dress-up as an alien grasshopper or mousy-looking short-eared rabbit…or else!

These birds are remarkably conniving and sinister.  They hunt insects of all sizes, mice, lizards; even small birds are not safe in their lethal beaks.  Then, as if the gruesome scene had been meticulously planned, their crazed serial-killer DNA find the nearest meat-hook to impale their meal…or worse, merely for show to attract a mate!

Now I ask you, what better scarier freakier creature is more suited for Halloween?

Many Shrikes do not possess the strength in their talons like a true raptor.  However, this little cold-blooded killer does possess a strong hooked bill to grip the flesh, and a notch or tooth at its tip in order to sever the spinal-cord of its captive.  When it is ready to prepare the brutal feast, it will push the prey down a thorn or barbed-wire and as the video above shows, begin ripping into the victim’s flesh.  I ask has this bird been watching any of the movie-series Saw and its sequels.  Or perhaps those movies and others are inspired by this natural ornithological predator.

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I know this, my squeamish stomach has never liked Hollywood blood and gore during Halloween or anytime of the year.  Hell, in the first Halloween movie I almost lost it when Michael hung that man on the kitchen wall with the large cooking knife!  I can sort of handle the Shrike’s behavior; it is a matter of survival and continuation of the species.  And isn’t that genetic-wiring in many species here on Earth…including humans?  Ahhhhhhhh!

Care to share your homage to Halloween?  Shrike or shriek…who or what is your scary Halloween tale?

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halloween bird and lantern

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Overcome

…with?

Answer the question-mark as you feel.  I have.  The answer, the feelings ran on, like the grammatical run-off(?) sentence bursting through, out, and everywhere.  As I express my words here I feel my heart rushing downstream.  I can’t decide if I want a life-preserver thrown.  Do I need one?  Do I want one?  Emphatically with a smile…no.  Come what may.

I am Overcome with much emotion today and it is fine.  When my primal human side has been dormant too long, I have found that simple triggers, like music…a certain tune and lyrics, open the flood-gates.  And I become SO alive and so grateful to be FEELING alive!  Scary or relieving…it’s a willing surrender to be wholly human.

Trigger #1

My birdcage door is and always will be open.  As much as I sometimes loath it being vacant, I remind myself of the utter euphoria when it is filled…willingly.  My soul expands, deepens, despite the urge to retract… preparing me for the next temporary? smaller vacancy.  Preserver not required.

Trigger #2

When Taylor first arrived at my former school and in my classroom, he was very bitter, very angry, and a very anti-social 8th grader, sometimes violently hitting his desk or the room’s walls.  His grades reflected a future in our penitentiary system.  By the end of that school year, with much needed extra-time, love, and belief in him, he became my best student; always first to his desk and ready to dive in to the lesson.  One day late in the year while my state education examiner-field supervisor was present evaluating my/our performance — debating among student groups over the Dred Scott Supreme Court case — Taylor blew her mind with how much he knew and how respectfully well he debated the positions.  To say I was overly proud of him is a gross understatement.

The last day of classes he told me he didn’t want to go to high school Social Studies.  I asked why.  “Because I love your class Mr. _______.  If I don’t like 9th grade Social Studies, I’m going to fail it so I can come back to your class!”  To this day, that was one of the best compliments I could ever want.

Then the other day while visiting my former principal — the campus of Special Ed/Needs and wards-of-the-state — Taylor jogged quickly over to hug me and he said “I really miss you Mr. _______!  You were my favorite teacher.  You taught me that despite my crappy life-situation, I am valuable.  I can manage anything with the right attitude!”  My heart wanted to burst and tears welled up.  I had to clear my throat before I could utter a little Thank You.  He and I spent a much too brief 5-minute catch-up together before he had to dart to class.

Mmm, feeling much more human again.  Preserver still not needed.

Trigger #3

Random acts of kindness, compassion, and love can be unbelievable ripple-effecters!  Hah!  Is that a word?  Doesn’t matter…it’s TRUE!

I had such a random blog-visitor yesterday and I stumbled across one of her “happy” songs.  To follow her Pay it Forward goodness, I will also share it here…

Thank you so much Lindsey for making my day more INCREDIBLE!
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Since music speaks to me and literally grabs me passionately, I will continue the/her random acts of energizing goodness that has Overcome me today.  “When there’s a burning in your heart… Let it grow, let it grow…Build it bigger than the Sun.”  Pass some on.  Oh, and the life-preserver?  I’ll leave it behind and jump in myself.  As it turns out, there are already plenty in the water.

(This… Fire… Grows… High…)
(This… Fire… Grows… High…)
(This… Fire… Grows… High…)
(This… Fire… Grows… High…)

When there’s a burning in your heart
An endless fury in your heart
Build it bigger than the sun
Let it grow
Let it grow
And there’s a burning in your heart
Don’t be alarmed

(This… Fire… Grows… High…)

When there’s a doubt in your mind
‘Cause you think it all the time
Framin’ rights into wrongs
Move along
Move along
When there’s a doubt within your mind

When there’s a burning in your heart
And you think it’ll burst apart
Oh, there’s nothing to fear
Save the tears
Save the tears

When there’s a burning in your heart

And if you feel just like a tourist in the city you were born
Then, it’s time to go
And you find your destination with so many different places to call home
‘Cause when you find yourself a villain,
In the story you have written
It’s plain to see
That sometimes the best intentions
Are in need of redemption
Would you agree
If so, please show me

(This… Fire… Grows… High…)
(This… Fire… Grows… High…)

When there’s a burning in your heart,
When there’s a burning in your heart,
(This… Fire… Grows… High…)
When there’s a burning in your heart,
(This… Fire… Grows… High…)
(This… Fire… Grows… High…)
When there’s a burning in your heart,
(This… Fire… Grows… High…)
(This… Fire… Grows… High…)
When there’s a burning in your heart.

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death-cab-for-cutie-codes-and-keys-album-cover

You Are A Tourist
by Death Cab for Cutie

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What’s My Story?

image Wikipedia

image Wikipedia

I was shocked when I read her email.  I had never received any type of correspondence like it from any politician, ever!  Wendy Davis, who is running for Texas State Governor next year, asked me what my story was.  She asked, “What challenges do you and your family face?  What issues should be addressed to strengthen our families?”  For the last five years her running opponent, Greg Abbott, the Texas State Attorney General since 2002, has been anything but cordial, sympathetic, or hopeful toward me; just cold and impersonal.  If there are those who have not heard of Greg Abbott, then my point is made.

Like Wendy Davis, some human beings would take a few minutes to ask questions like, What’s going on with these issues?  How did things get to this point?  What can we do to improve things?  Wow.  Imagine that, a politician who wants to know and listen to the nuts-and-bolts of a situation and its causes, its factors from the actual people affected!  What an invitation!  What an opportunity!

This is what I told her…
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Wendy, I am a two-years unemployed certified 4-8 General Ed, Special Ed (pending) teacher, father of a 2nd year college daughter, and 12-year old son who live over 300-miles away and I briefly see maybe twice a year.  In the summer of 2012 my charter school where I taught – whose student body was 82% Special Needs and a third were wards of the state from horrific homes and circumstances – lost four of its six major funding grants.  Education cuts were not only happening nationwide, but just as much statewide.  As a result, our school resources were severely stretched or eliminated.  These cuts included much-needed hiring of additional qualified staff, aides, and most importantly certified teachers for the increased numbers of Special Ed students coming in from other nearby closing schools AND the result of marketing and attracting more Special Ed students necessary to keep our two meager remaining grants for 2013.  The federal and state cuts also meant no annual 2% – 3% pay raises for any current teachers and staff; I was grossing $31,380 per year (or $2,080 a month, or barely $13/hour after automatic child support garnishments) for 60-70 hours minimum per week of work.  Need I get into net earnings minus healthcare pay-deductions and cost of living expenses?  The math is depressing.

One assessment some schools and districts use to monitor their teacher’s development and well-being, especially those on campuses teaching behavioral-emotional Special Needs students and wards-of-the-state, is a stress-anxiety assessment.  At the end of the school year, I scored in the upper 10% at risk; almost “Highly at Risk” for accelerated health deterioration.

My At Risk for health deterioration was compounded monthly by financial and legal pressures from the Texas Child Support Services and the state Attorney General’s Office.  During my annual checkup at the doctor’s office, he told me flat-out I need to find a different job; a job where I at least had the time (somewhere in the 24-hours) to exercise and relieve the stress.  This was my response to him:

If I quit my job doctor, I only compound my problems.  If I fall behind even two months unemployed, the Texas Attorney General’s Office report those failures immediately to all credit bureaus.  Sometimes it is less than two months.  Most all potential employers today use an extensive background check – especially for teachers – as well as credit checks which are used for financial decisions and interest rates, let alone everything else creditors, lenders, businesses, etc, etc. families, parents, and me, the non-custodial parent, struggle with and fight to stay afloat month-to-month.  I don’t know Doc what the answer is.  This was his reply:  “As long as you understand the health consequences if SOMETHING doesn’t give.”

For the 2011-2012 school year I taught 5th – 8th Social Studies, 5th – 8th Enhanced Learning Lab (elective), 9th – 12th Career Tech (elective), and assistant coach athletics for after-school activities.  In late summer my charter school informed me that for the coming 2012-2013 school year, I would have to teach 4th – 8th grade Science and Social Studies of which all periods would have 2 or 3 grade levels of the subject in the same classroom.  For you readers who are not teachers or familiar with Texas state curriculum and standards, every single grade level in science is a different development module with some crossovers.  In Social Studies, 4th graders cover basic Texas history, 5th graders cover basic American history, 6th graders cover basic World history, 7th graders cover more-advanced Texas history, and 8th graders cover more-advanced American history.  The only crossover I would be afforded to ease the 35%-40% workload increase would’ve been 4th and 7th, and 6th – 8th.  And as a reminder, almost half of each class are Special Needs wards-of-the-state students.  Myself and other teachers had no aids because there was no money to pay for them, and that would be the case again for the upcoming bigger classes for the upcoming year.

Wendy-DavisAs most people are aware, our public education systems have gone through needed reform.  Some of it has been successful and improved.  However, there is obviously much more work to be done and equalities protected!  More importantly, radical state and federal funding cuts only exacerbate the problems and worse put at great risk our country’s future leaders and skilled educated collaborating future government officials and citizens.  Public education is not and never has been “secular brainwashing or compromise.”  Those speculations are left to individual homes and parents, not public schools.  Public education is and has been primarily for those children and adolescents who come from not-so-advantaged homes, even severely impoverished, to have a decent chance of becoming a productive future citizen and not an expensive public liability in prisons, mental institutions, or rehab clinics; all of which require MORE taxpayer dollars in the long run.  Yes, a headache  can be cured by decapitation (i.e. conservative-pushed cuts), but is it productive change?  Is it “economic/fiscal responsibility” on all levels?  No.
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I resigned in August 2012.  Today, I am still unemployed as a certified General and Special Ed teacher.  I spend an average of 12-18 hours a day seeking and completing long extensive applications for teaching positions in districts that haven’t been so severely hit by funding cuts.  Meanwhile, each month I receive a cold, unconcerned collection statement from the Attorney General’s Office showing in bold type my higher rising balance plus interest.  Like a home mortgage or auto loan, this monthly defaulting is reported to all credit bureaus.  Should my arrears reach $10,000 my case will go into the Enforcement Stage and a warrant for my arrest will be issued.  DeAnna Shields, a Killeen, Texas web-radio talk show host, student of mental health studies, parent, and U.S. Army Widow volunteer, writes a telling article about Texas Child Support laws from Greg Abbott’s office on CNN’s iReport.  Read it here.

Wendy Davis, clearly I am and have felt the detrimental effects of a plunging credit score and unemployment.  I wonder how jail time would affect my job search.  Thank you so much for asking about my story Wendy!  A little digging, a little personal human interaction, a little effort to understand the long-term effect of lawmaking goes a very long way.  I really hope next year I will be addressing you as Governor Davis!

Signed,
Unemployed Texas Special-Ed Teacher

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Post-script — “Greg Abbott leads Wendy Davis by single digits” — Politico, 10/2/2013.  If you are interested, here is her campaign website:  http://www.wendydavistexas.com/

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