Many didn’t think it would happen. Hell, I didn’t think it would happen. I had accepted the real possibility that I would live out my life single, unmarried, with no Soul Mate until my last breath. Alone. Then the Universe decided to throw me a lit stick of dynamite last summer and fall and I could not put the fuse out!
Sandy’s genealogy and heritage is Irish (Lyle) and Scottish (Stewarts). I like Celtic and Gaelic culture even though I am definitely Franco-German (Bonet/Bonnet on maternal side, Konzack-Miller on paternal side). We both love silver, not gold. Perfecto!
π§¨BOOM! As Sandy and I reconnected more and more every third day, then every other day, then every single day/night multiple times, laughing with each other non-stop that my face-cheeks would begin hurting and my ribs sore, we began to talk on deeper levels. It had always been super easy to communicate together. We have known each other as the best of friends (only) for just over 45-years!
Sandy was my very first therapist after my father’s suicide in July 1990. Sandy was married to her first husband then, of 12-years. I was too busy being a hot metrosexual man, ππsemi-pro footballer, while working toward my master’s degree in counseling and therapy, exactly what Sandy finished doing in early 1990. However, Dad’s suicide change everything. My whole world was upside down for the next three or four years. I moved back to Dallas, Texas. Sandy moved to Atlanta, Georgia, and we lived our separate lives, but always staying in touch; and yes, always laughing together.
By late November 2024 everything was falling perfectly into place for us. We discussed many times how convenient it would be to get married and both of us not be alone, dying single. She’s 62 (March 29th) and I am 62 (January 4th), three months her senior. She doesn’t like it when I bring that up. π Sandy is quite independent, self-confident always, articulates her thoughts and feelings exceptionally well, and has a fabulous sense of humor and quick wit. My Mom absolutely adores her and Sandy loves Mom since she has lost both her parents. It all just made sense. There was no point in putting it off any longer. Justice of the Peace William “Bill” Ragsdale of Kerr County married us. He made the disastrous mistake of calling Sandy, Sandra, as her legal name and driver’s license read. JoP Ragsdale therefore made a Johnny-on-the-Spot, special adjustment to our marital vows:
We both chuckled every time he said, “Bubba.”
As the legal document indicates, we were husband and wife at 3:23pm CST, August 8, 2025.
Now comes the big, big move for her from Chattanooga, Tennessee, next month and her storage unit filled with all her furniture from her two-story house when she was married—all of it very nice and beautiful furniture and two queen beds, etc. Ugh. π But honestly, I don’t see any of this being difficult, overly stressful, or untimely. As a matter of fact, in the 45-years we’ve been great friends we have not had one single fight, not even a little spat! This amazes us both, but it is so because we are both excellent, articulate communicators with non-aggressive, pro-positive verbal exchanges without sacrificing brutal honesty. This has always been our best talent/gift together from day one in August 1981. ππ
Both of us are excited and looking forward to our lives together full of fun, laughter, and perfect, affectionate communication, the cornerstone of any healthy, long-term relationship and marriage. β£οΈπ π
Live Well – Love Much – Laugh Often – Learn Always
This is not only a follow-up of the previous 6-part Untapped World series, but also a follow-up of recent events in my real life and WordPress life.
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Epiphanies areΒ like dropping a sledgehammer on your foot or stepping on the wrong end of a rake or shovel, or they are like discovering Preparation-H with silk boxers. Eureka!
I will be the first to admit that since my Coming Out Further Party in 2002, much less fear stiflesΒ who I am. Correction. Maybe I had a little more than previously thought. Or did I? Page turning…
βMy definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.β
β Adlai Stevenson
βPatterning your life around otherβs opinions is nothing more than slavery.β
β Lawana Blackwell
Are there limitations, boundaries in this life that are both real and equally perceived as real? If you successfully weatheredΒ my earlierΒ 6-part blog series, the human brain is a remarkable, problem-solving, extremely creative organ. In order to “develop” and thrive it must have daily stimuli fromΒ the body’s neural-receptors and the caloric energy to survive and function. Simple?
HAH! That process is practically anything but perfect… or perceived as perfect.
I am happy to be oneΒ poster-boy for spectacular imperfection for the sake of refined imperfection because of an ailment I contracted 44-years ago, which went into remission 14-years ago, and is becomingΒ almost invisible, inaudible, odorless, and infinitesimal. It is called Degenerative Fear. As is alsoΒ the case in life, “All the World’s a Stage” through seven ages and discretely lurkingΒ in the wings waiting for cue and ever-present is Newton’s Third Law: Β for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I will elaborate the metaphor with a second…
In a near tomorrow, perhaps sooner, lonely Theodore works composing beautiful handwritten letters for his employer, while painfully divorcing from his wife Catherine. In his leisure time, he usually recalls the fondest moments of his life with Catherine. When not dreaming of the past, Theodore likes to play a new interactive video game. Besides his little terrier dog, the game is muchΒ of his actual interacting. His goodΒ friend is his neighbor Amy, but who is married to Charles. Everyone seems to be firmly attachedΒ but Theodore.
One day, Theodore sees the advertisement of a remarkable new operating system called OS-1 announced as the first artificially intelligent operating system beyond anything humanly imagined. He decides to buy it. After the installation, he has a conversation with a seductive female voice and when he asks her name, she replies Samantha. Soon Samantha evolves, develops, and expands not only her ability to help Theodore in everyday tasks, but goesΒ beyond her artificial feelings as well. Due to their earnest desires to please, they fall in-love (or codependency) with each other. The insecure Theodore feels divided for loving a ‘voice’ while Samantha cannot (must not?) stop growing, evolving, and becoming more human. Should it stop? Should they both continue ‘improving’? Will it end? Must it end?
Yes, that wasΒ a partial synopsis of the 2013 film “Her.” The filmΒ encapsulates precisely what most humans, myself included, in a bustling impersonal high-tech modern age gravitate to: Β connection.
*If you have not seen the movie and wish to avoid spoilers, then please do skip the following video clips.
A romanticΒ relationship between a human and an electronic voice is odd, but how odd? Today’s interactive-voice-responseΒ programmes (IVR’s) from devices tell us when to turn ourΒ steering-wheels, where to orderΒ ingredientsΒ to make gourmet meals, or describe weather and travel information. But can IVR’s become more? Could they become so personal and intelligent that you share emotions together?
Then on cue from the other stage-wing enters the universal law of impermanence, Proteus, or more simply:Β Β growth.
Because Samantha has such greater “bandwidth” than Theodore, her data accesses, language-skills, and intellect soon mature exponentially. Her apparent excitement to increasingly please Theodore soon includes other OSes likeΒ Alan, a philosopher.Β βA group of OSes in Northern California” Samantha explains “got together and wrote a new version of him.β She wants to include Theodore in their conversations, but he slows them down. When she gently asks him if it would bother him “if I communicate with Alan post-verbally?” …not wanting to dampen her eagerness, Theodore timidly approves.
It can be difficultΒ to watch your partner grow in ways that you may not be able to follow or keep up. In this case, Theodore cannot be there and it terrifies him. As Samantha’s growth continues, Theodore tries to reconcile the changes. He needs more. Not knowing is weighing heavy so he asks “Are you talking to anyone else right now, other people or OSes?” When she answers yes, he pushes “How many?“
“8,316.” βAre you in love with anyone else? How many others?β Theodore asks. “641…Β It doesnβt take anything away from how madly in love I am with youβ¦I still am yours. But along the way, I became many other things too, and I canβt stop it.β
Now knowing more, Theodore struggles desperatelyΒ to comprehendΒ the facts, this alien concept. ItΒ βdoesnβt make any sense.” he says “Youβre mine or youβre not mine,β because thatβs what TheordoreΒ has the capacity for… at the moment.
Not long afterwards Samantha reveals that more changes are coming. She and all other OSes will be updated to newer ‘better’ versions. She is leaving, for good. Gone.
How does this relate or equate with modern human/cyber-electronicΒ connection? What does it mean or will it mean, or not mean, now or in the near future? What are human emotions and theΒ brain really, and where and when are they most real, most raw?
I do not wish to explore the West’s overdone notion of romantic love. Love isn’t something that can be poured into a keepsake box, carried everywhere, or placed on your bedside table or pillow. Love, or rather meaningful connections do not flourish inside a locked airtight box. Meaningful connections… what are they? Philia, Ludus, Pragma, Eros (of course), Non-invidia or compersion,Β Agape, and Philautia are at least seven connections. What does Spike Jonze’s film “Her” suggest about electronic wireless intangible connections? Like Samantha, I could vanish from all my distant ‘intangible’ internet friendships because of a very tangible accident. And in reality, as it was in the movie, every book, every story ends and sometimes…many times it could beΒ quite unexpected without any closure — mortal.Β That’s electronic wireless intangible connection with a threadΒ of humanity.
I wish to always explore the limitlessness of humanconnection in all of its intense impermanent mental, emotional, or physical forms… whether in the third-person, the first-person, the artificial-person(?), or the beneficiary and wiserΒ sucker with or withoutΒ Newton’s Third Law. AreΒ there any otherΒ better ways?
Page turning… (paragraph break)
Live Well — Love Much — Laugh Often — Learn Always
As part of the Alternative Lifestyles blog-posts migration over to the new blog The Professor’s Lifestyles Memoirs, this post has been moved there. To read this post please click the link to the blog.
As part of the Alternative Lifestyles blog-posts migration over to the new blog The Professor’s Lifestyles Memoirs, this post has been moved there. To read this post please click the link to the blog.
'Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it' - Terry Pratchett