To Limits and Back

Posted on January 23, 2015 by Professor Taboo

The highs are intoxicating, the lows exhaustively abysmal, and almost always consuming like fire. Sooner or later you ask the questions, where am I? Who am I? How did I get here…alone? Shall I return?

A song and toast to the eccentric…

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I had this thing to call my own…
Just one slip and it was gone…

A minor flaw and then it fell,
I brought this house down on myself…

I didn’t know just what I’d done…
I didn’t know just what I’d done…

I don’t remember anymore
what I used to be…
Where is the quiet piece of home where I could breathe?

Just like a razor to my soul
When I’m alone…
Oh, I had this thing to call my own…

I’m so confused, I cannot see…
This wave of guilt is drowning me

It feels like blood is on my hands…
I’d give it all for a second chance…

I still don’t know just what I’ve done…
I still don’t know just what I’ve done…

I don’t remember anymore what I used to be…
There was a fire burning strong inside of me…

Just like the soothing loving warmth of summer sun…

Oh, I had this thing to call my own…
I had this thing to call my own…
I had this thing to call my own…

I’ve never meant to let you go…
I’ve never meant to let you go…
To let you go…
To let you go…

They are very human. They feel intensely. Rarely anything they do or say is average. You can envy them and despise them in the same breath, same motion. Here one moment, gone the next…and you laugh or cry, sometimes neither; blank. Alive, dead. Those few precious moments of in-between normality you cherish, forever. For the drifting listless and unmoved, they are very hard to let go and hopelessly easy to grasp with open arms. Go. Don’t go.

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They are so tragically joyously human. They are, or a version of, manic/bipolar behavior disorder (hypomania?). In many ways we need them for either cardiac arrest…or cardiac resuscitation. The last reaction one should have to this behavior or disorder is eviction as if they’re lepers. Understand first the neurology, then you can better manage the situations with them, being positive instead of inflaming.

Personally I need them, I welcome them, the heart-monitors of palpitations, the respirators of inhale exhale! But…if there are warning labels, I usually miss them on many occasion. My advice?

Consult a physician and psychiatrist for recommended dosages, or risk missing or getting the vivid ride of a lifetime on and off the ordinary grid! Mind-blowing thrills and shrills guaranteed — bumps and bruises non-negotiable — but either way you will find out if you’re alive or taking up space.

**Music: I Had This Thing, by Röyksopp

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Live Well — Love Much — Laugh Often — Learn Always

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You’re Right

Posted on April 25, 2014 by Professor Taboo

The state of meditation is a powerful vessel. A connected state-of-mind and body to dimensional existence is about as meaningful a life as a person can reach; an altered or altering consciousness. But a person cannot reach that point solo. We also need the right surroundings.
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image Vladstudio

Growing up I loved playing my drum-set. In our downstairs playroom I had my 15-piece drum kit setup along with our band’s Peavey amps. Plugged-in to those Peavey amps was my stereo. Through my stereo I played the songs from epic rock-metal bands with more epic – so I thought – drummers. And within moments of beating the skins, high-hat, bass drum, and cymbals…I was there. Much of the sessions I would reach a heart-rate and drive that I could barely hold my sticks from the perspiration. I eventually had to place a fan on top of my bass drum to help cool my frenzied journey. I would reach such a vibrational rhythmic state of meditation that I can only describe as fluid between here and there. My sense of place and time, aside from the rhythm and beat, was lost; oblivious to anything in the house or outside it. It was there that my expression, my place in the moment and in the world, was most creative and most lucid. It was – and to this day as well – my way of belonging.

The years from 1990 to 1995 were the most devastating and most life-changing years of my life. Here’s a summary: My father committed suicide, my girlfriend-turned-fiancé abandoned me and our 2-year relationship without a single verbalized explanation, I was arrested by law-enforcement, I walked out of my wonderful psych-hospital job-career and out of my half-completed master’s program at my seminary, my daughter was born, a 5-month marriage ended, and I moved back to my hometown. Often during those years I sought the solace in the one place I knew I could find it. One song I’d play over and over and over, and behind my drums I’d play along…let go of my nagging thoughts and find my place of belonging. It was the only song, music, and lyrics that would make sense to me where I could find my father and my daughter, both of whom were no longer with me.

I have since learned that finding the place of belonging is sometimes very difficult, even tragic. But having survived it all, I have discovered just how powerful the state-of-belonging and connecting can impact not just a life, my life, but life around us. This is how I’ve equated it in my mind. As the lyrics of the song go…

If you open your mind [and soul]…You won’t rely on open eyes to see

My painful and beautiful journey would not have been possible if I had not had three critical travel-items: my parents and extended family, a creative growth-model of education taught by my father supported by my mother, and then finally love. These three integral parts must continue with us into adulthood. They must evolve and grow in order to best manage in life the inevitable change and unexpected plot-twists!

If you have those three flexing growing components in your life – each illustrated mathematically by dividing 100 into 3 parts – the number cannot be emptied but goes on and on ad infinitum. For me, Fibonacci’s Sequence, or Golden Ratio, would be the counter-part, if you comprehend my wackiness.

The three parts each need more than just the mind or cerebral cortex. They need feelings. They need the freedom of fluid creative passion! Nature and the Universe (Multiverse) already create then modify, refine, then create more and so on like the Golden Ratio. Human DNA, generation to generation, does the same thing. As highly intelligent feeling beings, we have the passions to ignite life. If fortunate enough to have loving, nurturing yet non-oppressive parents and family, then we are given the early tools to ignite a significant belonging life…not just for ourselves, but equipped to provide a general blueprint for others too!

If this parental-family environment is taught throughout the primary and secondary schooling – in other words explained via the table below – empowering the child and adolescent, then the state of belonging can be perpetuated outside of self.

Assuming you are allowed how to think rather than told what to think, then a once very successful American icon spoke these words of enormous spiritual-cerebral wisdom to take on your journey:

“Whether you think you can or you think you cannot – you’re right.” – Henry Ford

If a young mind and heart are constantly denied the means to freely express, create, and recreate, learn and relearn for an eventual greater good, passing on a new fluid blueprint, then it would seem ironically, one becomes entrapped in the past. That is most unnatural. Ford recognized the power of self-actualization learned through and from our environment. In other words, there is a connection between us and everything around us. But there is more Henry – another force that is just as fluid.

Ford’s imparted partial-truth cannot be fully owned without the sticky fuel of feelings and love-ingredients to energize it. There are some things that can’t be taught. They must be realized. Though it had a compass rose, I was given my blank map. The natural aether in the lucid state of vibrant rhythmic meditation is an individual journey…for me discovered during my youth, rediscovered in my darkest hours, and now openly shared in wisdom and passion. It is my primal home away from “home,” where I truly belong.

I swim in it regularly.

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Live Well * Love Much * Laugh Often * Learn Always

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We Keep Gettin’ Up

Posted on August 21, 2013 by Professor Taboo

Push the play button…scroll down…read and view the rest.

Now the reason we’re here
As man and woman
Is to love each other
Take care of each other
When love walks in the room
Everybody stand up
Oh it’s good, good, good
Like Brigitte Bardot

Now look at the people
In the streets, in the bars
We are all of us in the gutter
But some of us are looking at the stars
Look round the room
Life is unkind
We fall but we keep gettin’ up
Over and over and over and over and over and over

Me and you, every night, every day
We’ll be together always this way
Your eyes are blue like the heavens above
Talk to me darlin’ with a message of love

Now the reason we’re here
Every man, every woman
Is to help each other
Stand by each other
When love walks in the room
Everybody stand up
Oh it’s good, good, good
Say I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you

Talk to me darlin’

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Music:
Message of Love by The Pretenders

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This was a needed change of pace/post for me…given my previous post. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed putting it together, listening, singing, dancing…and remembering how great life can be in the right perspective.

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Let Your Fears Go

Posted on May 6, 2013 by Professor Taboo

Sunlounger & Zara Taylor

As my previous post stated, I have done a lot of work outdoors. Some of it enjoyable and some of it down right exhausting. Up, down, up, down…kneel, squat, bend over (don’t let your imaginations go there!), then repeat. Yet what has made it all more a labor of love and not just labor has been the addition of my music. My vocal trance music which is energizing and upbeat with gorgeous vocals and addicting rhythms. The addicting rhythms are most definitely the cause of my many sore stiff shoulder muscles and abs! Ah, the wonderful pain that is good and healthy! It is welcomed soreness that some of you, like me, who have been and a part of the BDSM lifestyle can deeply understand. In the lifestyle it is described as flying or sub-space; a natural euphoric high of neurons, hormones, and soulful dimensions. And my music lifts me and launches me there every time. Here is one of those tracks that propels me, especially at the 5:25 mark building up to the 7:08 mark…oh my frickin GOD that part puts me in a timeless oblivious place!

My favorite part of Zara’s lyrics:

Just let your fears go
You might find your way back home
Let your fears go
You might find that you’re not alone.

One of my favorite quotes I reference many times and which means so much to me is “Fear stifles, courage fulfills.” Four simple words with enormous power! Think about it. And in this case while this fantastic song plays, FEEL IT!

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Working Waggle Dancers

Posted on May 1, 2013 by Professor Taboo

The pond and piles of leaves. Click for larger image.

Raking and picking up the fall live-oak leaves has been overdue. Not only that but living on top of a hill with never-ending breezes blowing the tiny leaves into the waterfall and pond, add to and make the job more tedious and longer! Then it soon reaches the filter which protects the pump, which quickly needs cleaning too! Last week and this week I have been Yard Man, Pond-n-Pump Man, and like the honey bees we have around, doing it all under the influence and motivation of my loud vocal trance music and the smell of jasmine: the Dancing Yard Pond-n-Pump Man. I must admit, there might be a better way of completing these spring chores, but for me there’s no other enjoyable way of doing them.

As I was cleaning out the pond, treating the water with algae killer, and rebuilding the goldfishes’ rock covered hideaway, I could not help noticing the number of honey bees buzzing me. They didn’t seem to be as interested in me as they were the water and Lilly-flowers; no need for alarm. They are worker bees obeying their Queen to go out, seek and find the stuff of food and honey for the hive. Such is the system of life in springtime. But curiously when I was at my laptop adjusting the volume from loud to louder, four to six of those buzzers were buzzing my speakers, sometimes the laptop. I thought “Now that is curious!” Why were they so interested in my speakers? Or were they interested in what was coming out of my speakers? Then I thought “Hah! They must be Vocal Trance and dance lovers just like me!” And that’s when it hit me…. bees communicate with each other by specific dances and by the flapping (or buzzing) of their wings: vibrations/sound waves.

I, like the bees, was working harder by my music and its vibrations.

While I continued to clean the pond and sit next to my music on the laptop to take breathers, I had no reason to be bothered by the honey bees. In a sense, we were both doing the same work, for our home/hive. We were dancing busy bees. We would come over to the music, feel it, and be re-energized. Then it was back to dancing…. back to work.

Being the inquisitor that I am, I decided to lookup how honey bees communicate with each other. Scientists have learned that bees talk to each other in remarkably similar ways humans do. Of their five senses, honey bees communicate through pheromones and choreography. Think about it, other than talking, how do we like to communicate when we are out in public? Certain perfumes and cologne mix well with our body’s skin oils, or pheromones. Other than talking, how else do we communicate? By how we move. Honey bees tell each other where a food source is by doing a waggle dance. All the worker bees (or in this case, dancing bees) pick up on it. For people our motions and manners convey who we are and what we are doing. Honey bees are not much different.

Our jasmine vine and blossoms

Speaking of attractive smells, there was a spot in the yard I particularly liked to work and work slowly. It was downwind of the jasmine vines. If you have not smelled fresh jasmine blooms, then you are missing out on one of nature’s sweetest addicting aromas you’ll ever have the pleasure of inhaling. Whoa! I asked myself, is there a way to bottle this or roll it and smoke it? Or put it in a low-burning oil fragrance bowl? Holy cow, is there a support group Jasmine-Anonymous for jasmine addicts? Because I’ll become a lifer! And no surprise, guess who else enjoyed the blossoms? My waggling work buddies the honey bees.

As a young boy growing up who had to rake and pick up all the leaves in our huge yard, and inevitably come down with allergies and sinus drainage and swelling, I never looked forward to or enjoyed early spring. However, this time was very different. This time I could blast my inspiring music, work and dance with the bees, and the entire time take big whiffs of jasmine like I was inhaling that cigarette after incredible sex. Though I don’t smoke, I know smokers know what I’m talking about.

In a weird way I want the work to go slowly. I’m enjoying it. I guess you would have to be here to understand.

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