Too Good To Be True!

Posted on August 9, 2023 by Professor Taboo

Something utterly remarkable happened the other day! If it had happened any other way in any other form or time, you’d never believe me. I’m not sure I believe me or this whackyfied life. I am altogether ecstatic and devastated at the same time by its enormity.

It was as if you had been searching endlessly for Waldo for many years and suddenly, he walks up behind you and taps you on the shoulder, then says, “Have you been looking for me?” Dumbfounded and in shock you can only stutter in a whispered reply, “If you only knew.”

These are moments that most 8-billion people on Earth wish for or dream about. You know, beyond any shadow of a doubt just how rare an occurrence this is for a lifetime, likely several lifetimes. This is how it all began…

My day had started as most any other day would. Slowly, VERY slowly and awkwardly roll out of bed or fight to get out of bed like a flipped-over-on-its-shell Galápagos turtle. I struggle to make a simple cup of joe/coffee, go open up all the kitchen and living room blinds, then make my way outside to water all the flowers and plants so that they have a chance not to wilt and spontaneously combust in the unrelenting Texas, USA, and global firestorm heatwave these last 45–60 days. So far, so good. Until I remembered once the coffee-maker finished with my Brazilian Cafezinho (from the state of Rio de Janeiro) that… damn it, we are out of creamer, and not just any ole generic creamer—my Amaretto creamer. Not good, not at all good.

I grab my wallet, grab the car-keys, and grab my cell phone then jump into the Toyota Avalon to head to the somewhat nearby popular H-E-B grocer. This is where things began to get bizarre.

After arriving at the store, entering through the automatic doors, then locating Aisle 8 and the accompanying dairy section, I quickly, or rather impatiently turn the corner. Serendipitously I slam face and body straight into this lady. Her held items go flying everywhere, all over the floor followed by… yep…

The stricken-by-a-Mack-truck gorgeous woman onto her backside and ass. She glares at me for a second or two, and in the most seductive voice says…

SPECIAL REPORT:

Should any family or friends wish to visit this dangerous inmate of brain-wrecking and abuser of his reader’s excessively strenuous over-reading and/or thinking from his exceptional blog-content, shown in the below mugshot, you can call 1-900-555-6969 to arrange visitation with the Warden’s Vernacular Security Dept. at Penal facility Titan Uranus. NO BOOKS ALLOWED OVER 300-WORDS! NO EXCEPTIONS! 🙃

Live Well – Love Much – Laugh Often – Learn Always

Fantastic News!

Posted on March 31, 2023 by Professor Taboo

Finally, finally, FINALLY we get this nation’s most horrific, crooked, immoral President indicted, hopefully too, convicted! I am so thrilled… to a cautious degree, of course. For the last 20-something years I have seriously doubted, laughed at, and threw my hands up thousands of times at this legal Constitutional concept that our Founding Fathers applied and employed in our Charters of Freedom and that far too many normal Americans have become oblivious to and worse… dangerously indifferent about:

No man [or woman] is ever above the law; not even the standing President or a former President. Every single U.S. citizen is supposed to be treated EQUALLY and equitably by the Laws of the Land. Always. Period.

Nevertheless, this is how one of my favorite news journalists, Heather Cox Richardson, reported the wonderful, unprecedented event on her exceptional blog, Letters from An American:

The New York grand jury investigating Trump’s 2016 hush-money payments to adult film actor Stormy Daniels has voted to indict the former president. While we don’t know the full range of charges, Manhattan district attorney Alvin Bragg’s office confirmed that they were forthcoming tonight when it released a statement saying, “This evening we contacted Mr. Trump’s attorney to coordinate his surrender to the Manhattan D.A.’s office for arraignment on a Supreme Court indictment, which remains under seal.”

This is the first time in history a former United States president has been indicted, although it is worth remembering that it is not new for our justice system to hold elected officials accountable.
READ FULL ARTICLE HERE

Now, let all of us normal, intelligent, and reasonably patriotic Americans hope true justice is assured and the right decision(s) are carried out fully. 👏🏻 Otherwise, the alternative (the precedent) is very disturbing and puts this nation’s very survival at high risk of which it may never recover. 🥺

The Family Story & Accolades

Posted on March 13, 2023 by Professor Taboo

This might just be one of my shortest, quickest blog-posts. You’re welcome followers of less-than 100-words, and lesser content. 😉 Enjoy.

Yesterday Mom and I talked at length about our family tree, genealogy, and what traits we are best known for. Here are the seven highlights, or bullet-points we rednecks from rural Texas—specifically small towns around Austin and south Houston—that have made us famous. Read them with envy folks because it’s only here in Texas that we be so proud and patriotic of these American/Texas qualities!

Spermification by the men of the family.
Fornification by all in the family.
Gestation, frequently.
Womanly Inflation.
Birthification of previous –cations.
Enormous Familialfication. And then…
Confirmation of the previous six Occasions.

This is essentially the truthy story of the Bonnet-Miller family tree. Thank you and may all your dreams of “family” come to fruition as it has for ours! 😄😈

∼ ∼ ∼ § ∼ ∼ ∼

P.S. My Release of Liability Clause — Redneck Republican Texans are renown for making up words and a lexicon—and a delusional reality—that does not follow ANY linguistic or grammatical or logical global standard of quality. We are basically dumber than a bag of hammers. Thank you, and please return to your normally scheduled program.

Later Addendum — March 14, 2023:

A popular family story of my Mom’s sister, Mildred, and her three boys: Greg, Billy, and Clay.

For example, my a-FOURmentioned three maternal cousins—two of which I grew up with closely—have a story when they three were young boys/men out hunting on foot, outside of Leander, Texas. They had left their truck about 1-2 miles near the entry/exit gate, the one with the typical cow-grids or cow-guards you find EVERYWHERE in the Texas kun-tree.

As it was beginning to get late, the sun was nearing the tree-line and the three of them were tired and hungry. They had not shot ANYTHING! Not even a squirrel or dove—and those two animals are abundantly skurring and flapping around in the thousands, if not millions, in Texas! They were plum frustrated and wanted to get back to the truck and go home, now! They hadn’t shot anything most probably because the three of them couldn’t shut-up talking and joking. But they had a bigger problem. None of them could remember exactly which direction the empty truck-of-salvation was located. They debated with each other as to which compass-arrow lie the truck at the gate. Now there was another dilemma to address.

Being late and tired, two of them didn’t want to walk all the way back to the truck. They tried to talk one of the others to go get the truck and drive it back to pick-up the other two. But this decision on WHO should walk 1-2 miles back wasn’t appealing to any of them; they wanted the other to do it. Now they had a quorum, but more importantly (or discouragingly), they did NOT have a clear majority vote. Stalemate every time. Meanwhile, the oldest one was dispatching wisdom of their quandry:

“The sun rises in the east, over there, and then sets in the west… somewhere over there. Therefore, based on the position of the Sun now, us, and the lost truck, I approximate it to be in that direction.”

But Clay doubts his oldest brother’s solar-compass skills and asks him how precise his compassing degrees really are. Because “it is late-Fall early-Winter, and the Sun rises and sets in different positions based on the season and month.” Was his calculations based on Spring/Summer (the Equinox) or on Fall/Winter (the Solstice)? Furthermore, “the Earth’s rotation around the Sun is elliptical, AND to further complicate our lostness, the Earth’s daily rotation on its axis varies in minutes and hours over a 24-hour period throughout a solar calendar!”

Billy, the middle brother, comes up with an ingenious idea based upon what his two brothers have just argued or explained:

“Well, if both of you are correct or incorrect, and none of us want to walk back to get the truck, if the Earth rotates as you two say it does, then maybe we should just sit here and let the truck come to us!”

Live Well – Laugh Often – Love Much – Learn Always

Crazy Like A Ray of Light

Posted on March 2, 2023 by Professor Taboo

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time
to understand more, so that we may fear less.”
Madame Marie Curie

This post is somewhat random but inspired by friends and great music of 1990 — 1998, all incredibly popular, happy, memorable, and unforgettable years for me personally. Two of my favorites follow, with some musing commentary.

Yet, Seal’s hit song “Crazy” I find so apropos for humanity’s continued evolution, progression, and advancement IF—emphasis on if—humanity (you) is/are BRAVE enough to think and step out of their suffocating comfortable BOXES and move forward! Everything in existence and life is in constant flux; always changing at some degree of speed. We just need to become more adaptable daily, weekly, monthly… for the Universe’s and our planet’s frequent fast-balls or curveballs. Nothing in life, in existence stays the same, always forever. Never. It all eventually becomes antiquated, like all the world’s now very ancient religions. It is past time to move on from the Bronze and Iron Ages or Classical/Post-classical Ages and into the modern knowledge of 21^st and then 22^nd centuries. Otherwise, stagnation only leads to extinction, yes?

Celebrate, dance like Madonna to this advancing, second Renaissance Age that is knocking and trying to break free from the dead, decaying chains of the past! Like a ray of light speeds through space and time, its particles in motion do not need your approval, help, or opinion to exist, much less to move anywhere. Only gravity and Black Holes have that sort of power. 🤓

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
Brene Brown

P.S. I will soon be publishing my Part 4: A New U.S. Constitution, for those of you still following the series (chuckle). Apologies for the delay, but hey… life gets in the way sometimes. We have a lot less control of things than we like to trick ourselves into falsely believing, right? HAH! 😄

Live Well – Love Much – Laugh Often – Learn Always

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at https://professortaboo.com/contact-me/.

Tribute to Romance

Posted on February 13, 2023 by Professor Taboo

On this upcoming lovely day of lips, hearts, the cherubs Eros and Love, and their sharp little arrows from clouds above, nailing many a smitten people in the butt-cheeks every February 14^th without fail, I’d like to pay tribute to these cunning sharpshooters with chubby bellies and flappy wings.

As I began to first imagine and draft this blog-post in my head thinking about all the benefits to be loved and to love, why and with who (or whom), I eventually realized that these Cupids might not have the most precise aim or in ideal match-making, especially when it comes to us often barbaric, dense-headed heterosexual men! 😬

Case and point, according to LittleThings.com …

Great Reasons to be A Woman

Women live longer, typically healthier lives.
Women have stronger immune systems.
Women are fantastic leaders.
Women handle stress pretty damn well.
Women have a greater capacity to hold on to profound memories and moments.
Women are flat out cleaner when it comes to housekeeping and hygiene.
Women have acutely stronger senses.
Women are great multitaskers.
Women have become more and more financially independent.
Women have stronger hearts, literally.

Now gentlemen, what do we offer in life for the lovely ladies to get excited about? What are we near-primate heterosexual men like to thrill the beautiful lasses and make their hearts leap and go pitter-patty? Hmm, this shouldn’t be too hard, right?

Great Reasons to Love A Man – Compared to Reasons Above!

We get a gold-star and lots of credit for even the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Our undergarments are $15 for a three-pack, and that’s not even on sale.
We are incapable of seeing wrinkles in our clothes.
We do not need to shave below our neck.
One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons covered, for years!
We only know the actual names of (maybe?) five colors of the spectrum.
We can trust our buddies/mates to NEVER trap us with the trick question: “So, notice anything different?”
We can do our fingernails either with our teeth, or a pocketknife.
Wedding dress: $2,700 — Tuxedo rental: $100.
Gray hair and skin wrinkles add more character.
Holiday shopping can be accomplished for 25-30 relatives and friends, on December 24^th, in 45-mins or less.
If another Neanderthal man shows up at our party in the same outfit, we might become lifelong pals/mates.

Now, when we look and compare these two lists, I mean, COME ON gals! Is it any wonder why we bring so much to the Den of Love & Everlasting Romance!? 💞💘 And on a final note…

Three Wishes

One day a typical Neanderthal-primate man spotted an old lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and out popped this magical Genie.

“I will grant you your fondest wish this day.”

The man racked his dense cranium for several moments in an effort to get this decision just perfect, then in brilliant excitement he said, “I want a spectacular job, a job that no man on Earth has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do in all of history!”

“Granted,” said the Genie and POOF! There was a cloud of smoke and sparkly pixie-dust.