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About Professor Taboo

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When Good Principles Are Bad

In April 2011 I wrote about how exclusiveness kills healthy friendships in the name of monogamy:  The Curious Perplexity of Attachment.  Curious how history repeats itself.  This past weekend a very dear female college friend and I talked on the phone, updating each other on the past year since we spoke last.  Allow me to give some background.

Both of us make each other laugh a lot, always have.  During our rough times — each going through very difficult divorces — we were there for each other speaking brutally honest about anything, often saying things that the listener didn’t want to hear.  Over the past five to seven years of our close friendship, we had always confessed “what if”…how greater the closeness could be if we were dating.  Fun natural flirting came easy between us.  But the 400+ miles and each of our separate families and kids kept us apart.  The last time I had spoken with her she was madly in love with a new man.  Fast forward to this weekend.  Now that man was way out, even psychotic in her words, and now she has a new “keeper”.

What is so important or different about all this you ask?  It is this:  when I spoke honestly with her and flirted like we have always done over our 29-year friendship, strangely she did not respond.  In fact, it seemed awkwardly BLAND.  I thought to myself something is weird, out of balance, or something.  When is she going to explain this?

If you have read my April 2011 blog The Curious Perplexity of Attachment, then you will know that the women to whom I was referring are past girlfriends, i.e. intimate relationships over multiple consecutive months.  This good college friend of 29 years has always been a platonic friendship; never any sexual moments, not even any temptations except over the phone, long distance when her divorce had been filed by her husband.  She was in a lot of disillusioned pain, struggling with 17 years of a dying marriage which sadly involved their four children.  Her soon-to-be ex-husband was intentionally pitting the children against her.  Innocent bystanders of a man’s anger.

There are several significant factors involved in the demise of her marriage but suffice to say for this article, infidelity was the root cause of the divorce.  However, getting engrossed in the ugly mismanaged details of their marriage and divorce is not the purpose of my article today.  Honestly, what happened between my dear friend and her husband or its complexities is ultimately none of my business or anyone else’s business.  What is my business is how her “new” relationship with Mr. Keeper has now affected our 29-year friendship.

After our phone conversation my dear friend explained why she was not being her old, or usual self with me and our fun flirting.  “As much as I love you” she explained, “…I feel loyal to [Mr. Keeper].  I never want to EVER cross the line again.  You were playing like we always do (which made me smile), but I want to honor him and not flirt with anyone.”  I must be honest, I was bothered by this explanation.

She and I have always, always been ourselves with each other.  We have always been very comfortable in sharing all of our unedited, undiluted thoughts and feelings with each other.  We could do so because we passed no judgement whatsoever on each other.  Our 29-year close friendship is genuinely a wonderful healthy friendship.  Why on earth should that ever change?  An easy question to answer, right?  No, it seems I am incorrect…again.  Why?

When are good principles bad?  What do monogamous boundaries really protect?  When does a 2-month dating relationship have any more value than a 29-year platonic friendship?  I am honestly not a wild-cannon that fires off randomly around new spouses or boyfriends with no impulse control.  On the contrary, I am quite respectful of other’s relationships or marriages.  I really struggle with this ‘pinch-off’ decision from my female friends when a new lover comes around for them!  I hope one of my good female married and polyamorous friends (O.M. Grey) comments on this topic.  From a woman’s perspective, she is a wealth of wisdom and experience on this subject.

I would very much like to hear anyone’s thoughts and comments about this because it happens way too often.  Please tell me what your thoughts are.

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One More Short Week!

We Are Outta Here, and We’re Not Waitin On Anyone!

You may not guess who is ready to pop a wheelie off of campus.  Better yet, according to most of our staff, it’s probably everyone that is ready to get the bus ‘outta here!  Four more days until that day:  School’s Out For Summer!  Then it’s some serious R&R before all the exams and professional development hours have to be done by July.  Grrrrrr.

Nonetheless, I do hope to post some over the next two and half months.  I emphasize HOPE however.  My summer is not exactly empty for frequent ‘adult times’…sadly.  Don’t get me wrong, I do love my work; the challenges of Special Ed kids has its non-monotary rewards.  There are five of my 27 SpecEd students that are nothing like they were when they first arrived.  They are my poster-students, if you will, of success and works-in-progress.  I am so VERY proud of them!  Several others still have much work ahead of them, but show potential.  My 8th graders gave me a nice funny compliment yesterday.  They said that if they have to they “will fail 9th grade Social Studies just to get back in my class.”  They put a big smile on my face.

This short update blog, however, is just to let friends know that my 60 – 70 hour work weeks and weekends will soon be over.  I’m sure that I will be traveling between Dallas, Houston, and San Antonio to visit and ‘play, dance, and laugh’ (big grin).  I will indeed see all of you soon!

“The One” Myth

As part of the Alternative Lifestyles blog-posts migration over to the new blog The Professor’s Lifestyles Memoirs, this post has been moved there. To read this post please click the link to the blog.

Your patience is appreciated. Thank you!

Oh Lord, Forgive Me My Zins

7 Deadly Zins

I am more a cocktail sort of guy, but this red Zinfandel not only grabbed my pocket-book, it enslaved my palette too.  And if you enjoy a good laugh along with good friends, food and wine, then read their back label, written below.  I plan to try as many of their wines as possible and become a zinful wine-O myself (wink).  Oh, and I am also a big fan of anything that mocks or makes a parody of orthodox religions; pick any one of them!

I’m raging with ire, an ocean of fire,
My Wrath is the path to all I desire.
Oh Lord, forgive me my Zins.
I’m inflated with pride, near-bursting inside,
A self-centered repenter, Vanity’s bride.
Oh Lord, forgive me my Zins.
I’m mired in mud, inert as a slug,
Sloth is the cloth that’s woven my rug.
Oh Lord, forgive me my Zins.
I eat day and night, consuming all in my sight,
A Glutton with nothing but a huge appetite.
Oh Lord, forgive me my Zins.
My will I ignore, my Envy’s a chore,
Over-zealous and jealous, I want so much more.
Oh Lord, forgive me my Zins.
I’m ravenous to feast, an insatiable beast,
I concede to the Greed demanding release.
Oh Lord, forgive me my Zins.
I hunger for trust, my cravings a must,
My sin is the Zin enslaving my Lust.
Oh Lord, forgive me my Zins.

If you are interested in learning more about this fine, reasonably priced wine and their winery, then please visit their website:  http://www.michaeldavidwinery.com/

 

Will the Real America Please Standup

“By the people…”

As I began teaching my middle school and high school students one day about the meaning and power of American citizenship, I realized that several of the basic concepts of our government and how it functions the same from bottom to top seemed alien, even to the high schoolers.  I had been taught these principles by my parents before I reached fifth grade.  As a result, I guided my students back through a quick review and retaught some of these basic concepts and methods, all used successfully in our country (for the most part) for the last 230 plus years.  But something else struck me as peculiar.

Many adults have the same naïvety as my students I stand before in my classroom.  Of course the reasons for this naïvety should not be oversimplified.  However, as is the case with any child on any given day, disabilities or not, they learn how to manipulate situations to meet what their natural, youthful self-centeredness desires.  Recognizing this side of human nature, history shows that if this type of attitude and behavior is not modified at an early age, or at least addressed, then the families of the United States of America grow and nurture adults with firmly learned compounded narrow-mindedness; youthful egotists in adult bodies if you will.  Two integral components of a productive, proactive American adult is neglected:  ownership and collaboration.  How often do you hear these two simple terms in politics?  More to the point, how often do you hear the terms and their real meaning during Presidential election years?

The making of American citizens

I am constantly baffled by American citizens whining incessantly about the current President and or his political party.  In just about any public place or on any public forum or social media, you can always find jabs and derogatory remarks about one man, or one political ideal screwing up this country.  Sadly, I hear this from my middle and high school students just as much!  Where on earth are they hearing or being taught this annoying whining about one man or one ideal?  I promise you this, not in my classroom and I hope not in any publicly funded classroom!  By the way, American people are not ruled, governed, or enslaved by or to one man.  It has thankfully been this way for yes, 235 something years.  If the American public are proactive in their families, communities, states, and federal government — as has been given to them freely according to our Constitution — and proactive in self-ownership of their elected officials, then the reality is this:  YOU are the one to whine about.

Also, if you find yourself in the “minority” of American laws and policies, then once again our system of government freely provides to you the methods of COLLABORATION within your community, state, and federal groups to begin your revolution of change.  That is exactly how our nation’s forefathers constructed our government in the 1700’s and setting it up the same for you today.

Yet, do not be fooled into thinking that “revolutionary change” is in any way done by “THEM“.  On the contrary, it is you who must be actively or proactively involved.  You must sacrifice your own time and efforts to gain the change you seek.  It is you who must learn to be a master of collaboration and diplomacy, not “them“.  If you are truly convicted about your policies and ideology, then YOU become the next Thomas Jefferson, or Abraham Lincoln, or Martin Luther King, Jr.  And I, as your equal, will first educate myself thoroughly on your dream of change, and if it coincides with my ideals, then perhaps together we can collaborate and take ownership of our social system as it was meant to be in the first place, and make those changes happen.

Good government starts in your own family

However, allow me to point out that before you can create a better America, or a better state or community, you must first have your own house and family in good, happy working order.  The cliché “Those who can be trusted with the little things, can be trusted with the greater things” is never more true in this case.  What is taught, nurtured, and matured in the home will either add to or subtract from our country.  More precisely, if you were taught the basic principles of ownership, collaboration (teamwork), understanding, and tolerance for diversity, then your chances of making America better are profoundly excellent.  If not, then you will find yourself always swimming upstream with no one to aid you, no matter how much you whine aloud.

President Obama, or the political party he affiliates himself, have never been the entire problem America faces today.  Americans are sleeping in the very bed they have made for themselves.  Whether it is a lack of principles, education, family values, collaboration, or whatever your slogan, take ownership America for your inactivity in local, state, and federal government, or your shortcomings of collaboration, understanding, and intolerance.  But quit blaming “them”.  Quit blaming one man.  Pointing fingers at opposing political officials only demonstrates a severe lack of collaboration and ownership.  Our governing officials, laws and policies are only a mirror of not only each American citizen’s voice, but equally our societal depth, from our own family right up to our federal officials.

President Obama, proudly take your seat.  It isn’t your lack of leadership that has America in this predicament.  It is each of us citizens, on every level; so…will the REAL America please standup, act collaboratively, and take ownership of your country’s good and bad.  Our current economic and societal woes are “…for the people, BY the people“.  It does not say by one man.

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This work by Professor Taboo is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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